


Will you love me tomorrow

by hentaihorseface



Category: Free!
Genre: Alpha/Omega, Angst, Knotting, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Mpreg, Omega Verse, Rough Sex, Some Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-06
Updated: 2016-05-11
Packaged: 2018-02-12 00:10:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 48,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2088216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hentaihorseface/pseuds/hentaihorseface
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He feels drunk on Rei, like he’ll die without Rei inside of him and Nagisa faintly realizes that he’s never really felt this way any other time they’ve fucked.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Close to you

“Nnnn Rei-chan, please… I want it…”

“Mn? Want what, Nagisa-kun?”

“You know what… — Aaa! Yeah, right there, don’t stop, okay?”

Nagisa cants up his hips and grinds tight little circles onto the base of Rei’s dick in that way that makes it really hard for his boyfriend to say no. Judging by the way Rei outright  _growls_ before burying his face into the crook Nagisa’s neck, Nagisa is sure that Rei is close to cracking this time.

Rei moans into Nagisa’s neck before pulling his head back upright and stalling the rhythm of his hips, getting that stupid-dumb-sexy-serious look on his face that he always gets right before he’s about to peel full-force ahead into a lecture.

“We can’t… in fact, we just talked about this. You know we need to plan ahead. Besides, today feels different… your cycle has been a little off lately, what if you’re in—”

Nagisa rolls his eyes and his hips up simultaneously before shutting Rei up with a firm kiss on the lips.

“I just had it, so it’s fine… Hnngh… we won’t.. ahh— get a chance to do this for  _forever_ when my parents get back in town… mmmmm, come on, baby, just do it…”

Nagisa’s hands slide firmly up Rei’s biceps that are propping him up, all the way down his back, and finally down to his boyfriend’s ass and he squeezes, encouraging Rei to resume that rough friction sliding of in and out of his body.

_Bingo._

Rei groans loudly at the gesture and as he starts to thrust again he also bites into the throbbing gland of Nagisa’s jugular, in a rare but suuuper hot act of marking – at least Nagisa thinks so, anyway. Ever since he and Rei started dating at the end of their first year of high school, Nagisa’s been trying to get him to embrace his alpha instincts, especially once they started to do naughty stuff like this. It’s been almost a year since then and every time they fuck, Nagisa knows Rei’s resistance to succumb to his own dominance breaks down a little more. This time, for sure, Nagisa thinks, especially since this time they were so desperate to get in bed, Rei didn’t even put on a condom.

Nagisa licks his lips and keens in a way that is way too high and so stereotypically omegan that it’s almost sort of embarrassing—-

“Ohhhhh my God, Nagisa… you— uuunnngghhh….“

—-but also irresistible to Rei’s senses, and Nagisa feels no shame in exploiting this every single chance he gets; especially when he wants Rei like this, wants to get as close to him as he possibly can.

“Nnnnn! Do it Rei-chan, I need it – please!” Nagisa mewls and Rei stiffens and shivers a little like he does whenever he gets close and Nagisa can’t help but smile widely at the possibility of finally,  _finally_ totally becoming Rei’s.

He feels drunk on Rei, like he’ll  _die_ without Rei inside of him and Nagisa faintly realizes that he’s never really felt this way any other time they’ve fucked. He mostly figures that just means Rei has to be getting  _really_ good at this whole sex thing.

Rei trembles before plowing into him at a rougher pace, pulling Nagisa’s hair at the back of his scalp to tug him into a searing kiss. Rei must be being pretty animalistic about it considering Nagisa can barely keep up with the clash of teeth and tongue that Rei can’t seem to choose between. All the same, Nagisa decides, its  _fucking hot_  when Rei lets his instincts overcome him instead of calculating his every move to do everything to  _avoid_ it.

Rei pulls back and Nagisa gasps at the wild look in his eyes, all dilated and frantic, like he needs this just as much as Nagisa does. Maintaining that dizzying eye contact, Rei slows down a bit, but the motions of his thrusting become so raw and forceful that Nagisa actually kind of feels like he’s going to break from it.

“Ahhh shit,  _Rei…_ you gotta do it, I  _need_ you to do it, seriously—- ahhh!” Nagisa vaguely thinks he might actually be crying as he claws borderline hysterically at Rei’s shoulders, legs winding around the small of Rei’s back and grinding back up into him.

Something that might be doubt flashes inside of Rei’s eyes for a split second before asking Nagisa in the deepest, grittiest, and definitely  _sexiest_ tone Nagisa has ever heard come out of his mouth,

“Nagisa-kun, are you sure you aren’t in heat?”

Nagisa doesn’t even really process the question, just moans ‘no’ over and over again until he’s sure Rei must have only been asking as a formality.

Rei shouts then, growls and bites down again  _hard_ on Nagisa’s neck as he comes, his movements becoming increasingly erratic inside of him. Nagisa suddenly feels so full that he’s sure he’s going to tear in two and the sensation forces him to heave out a wet sob as he clutches desperately at Rei’s hair in a half-assed and, admittedly selfish, effort to transfer some of the pain over to his partner.

Nagisa’s body must take pity on him when the sensation starts to feel like his insides are getting sucked up by a vacuum, and he comes in pitifully tiny spurts all over the flat of his own stomach.

“R-Rei-chan—“ Nagisa chokes on the tightness of his voice, and sobs a little when he realizes that Rei is still growling into his shoulder and biting at his neck, shifting every now and then to accommodate the knot.

“Rei,  _stop!_ ”

Rei freezes so abruptly and is so still that Nagisa is scared that maybe he’s suffering some kind of bizarre, knotting-induced stroke. It’s one, two impossibly long seconds Nagisa counts, before Rei whips his head back up, looking just as pained, if not more, than Nagisa currently feels.

“Oh God. Oh God, Nagisa-kun, I am  _so_ sorry – I-I don’t know what came over me, let me just see if I can try and—“

Nagisa wants to laugh so badly at how quickly and dramatically Rei manages to shift back into the high-strung, overly-caring, dorky boy he knows and loves, but all that comes out of his mouth a half-sob, half-croak that only makes Rei’s features contort into an even guiltier expression.

Rei makes a pathetic little noise in the back of his throat before he adjusts his hips and attempts to shuffle backwards a bit, in what Nagisa assumes must be an effort to undo the knot, but that only hurts  _more_ and Nagisa can’t help but yelp so shrilly, he can basically feel it scrape his throat raw.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” Rei stills again, almost mechanically, and hovers awkwardly above Nagisa’s body in a way that looks as if he’s afraid that making any more movements will trigger a motion-activated explosive or something.  

Now that thought actually makes Nagisa giggle a little bit and, thank God, Rei’s reaction to it is to physically relax, at least a little.

Nagisa lets out a shaky sigh and winds his arms around his boyfriend’s neck, reaching up to peck him softly on the lips. Rei returns the kiss tentatively.

“It’s okay, Rei-chan. I told you to do it. I  _want_ this, I just guess I didn’t know it would—“

“I’ve  _told you_ countless times before that knotting would be painful for you. That’s why I keep saying we should plan ahead. This is  _totally_  irresponsible—,” Rei lectures, voice steadily rising, and that makes Nagisa bristle. Hurt blossoms in his chest from the suddenly niggling thought that maybe Rei just really  _didn’t_  want to do this with Nagisa and maybe Rei just let them do this out of pity, or to get Nagisa to stop bugging him.

“Okay,  _okay_ , well there’s nothing we can do about it  _now_ is there?!” Nagisa practically shrieks, and he can feel hot tears building up in his tear ducts, now more out of blind rage than pain.

Shit. Way to make things awkward when he is quite literally tied to Rei for at least the next twenty minutes. Way to go, Nagisa.

Nagisa counts at least thirty seconds of awkwardly avoiding eye contact before Rei relents with an irritated-sounding hum.

“Okay. Okay, you’re right. May as well get comfortable.”

Alright, not exactly the reassurance Nagisa may or may not have been desperately seeking to smooth over the guilty ache in his chest that just won’t seem to go away, but he supposes it’ll have to do for now.

He allows Rei to maneuver them so that they’re lying down on the bed and facing each other with Nagisa’s thighs wrapped around Rei’s waist, but not without a few painful slipups that make Nagisa wince and cry out a little.

“Better?” Rei asks, sounding less terse and more resigned at this point.

“Yeah…”

“Mm. Okay.”

More awkward silence.

Nagisa hesitates before deciding he has no choice but to break through the thick tension resting heavily between them by uncertainly placing a hand on one of Rei’s forearms, which are crossed stiffly over his chest.

“Rei-chan, I’m  _sorry_ ,” Nagisa begins thickly, and he can feel his throat start to close with an impending sob. “Please, _please_  don’t be mad, I didn’t—I don’t want this to be something you regret, so—“

Nagisa inhales sharply in an attempt to control his breathing and the floodgate of tears threatening to escape, but Rei interrupts him before he has to worry about it.

“I’m not – I’m not  _mad_. I just… I didn’t want to  _hurt_ you, I wanted to prepare before we decided to do this, I – I…-, “ Rei lets out a grunt of frustration and, for once in his life, he seems to be at a loss for words.

“I know. I  _know,_ I know. But I’m fine. It barely hurts anymore.”

Nagisa is lying through his teeth. It still hurts like a bitch, but Nagisa guesses he really shouldn’t be complaining since he’s the one who wanted to do this so damn much.

“Really?” Rei sounds pretty cynical about it, but also sort of hopeful, and Nagisa nods what he hopes is a believable enough affirmative.

Nagisa’s not sure if Rei is totally convinced, but it’s enough for him to let out a long breath and finally uncurl his arms and reach out to wrap an arm around Nagisa’s back, lightly scratching back and forth in that way that Nagisa finds incredibly soothing. Nagisa responds by rubbing his thumb across Rei’s collarbone.

“Nagisa-kun, are you sure you weren’t in heat?”

“Yes.” Probably. Hopefully.

Nagisa knows he answers a little too quickly, but he truthfully doesn’t even want to think about that possibility right now, especially with Rei already so miffed at him. He knows his heats have been inconsistent and a little spotty and he definitely knows Rei has been trying to get him to see a doctor about it for at least two months now. Rei doesn’t need to remind him, especially not now when the real possibility that Nagisa might have fucked up irreversibly this time is already looming in the back of his mind.

Rei must sense Nagisa’s unwillingness to broach the subject any further, so he just mumbles something vaguely defeatist like, “If you’re sure…” and draws Nagisa in a little closer. They stay curled up against one another until the knot goes down and Rei slides carefully out.

Nagisa falls into a fitful sleep after that, childishly clinging to Rei’s hand, and selfishly hoping Rei will still be there beside him when he wakes up.


	2. Let's call the whole thing off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was a night that should have become a cherished memory, something Nagisa should be looking back on years and years from now and smiling about. Instead it was a night that ended up to be a disastrous mistake that Nagisa is sure he’ll regret for years to come. A night that had ended the next morning in awkward goodbyes and thin-lipped smiles, when it should have ended in soft kisses and tender embraces – well, according to Nagisa’s junior high wet dreams of what his first mating experience was supposed to be like, anyways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SURPRISE

Nagisa feels nauseous. Lately, Nagisa is _always_ feeling nauseous; he feels nauseous, and tired, and sad, and frustrated, and lonely, and he has a hunch it probably has to do with the way Rei has been straight up avoiding him for three whole weeks.

His _boyfriend_ has been avoiding him for three whole weeks (if they’re even dating anymore? Nagisa really doesn’t actually know since he and Rei have probably exchanged no more than twenty words in that time span). 

And he’s pretty sure that this whole mess might have sort of, maybe, _everything_ to do with the fact that today marks the third-week anniversary of the night he and Rei knotted (mated, they totally mated, Nagisa decides, as old-fashioned as it might sound).

This was a night that should have become a cherished memory, something Nagisa should be looking back on years and years from now and smiling about. Instead it was a night that ended up to be a disastrous mistake that Nagisa is sure he’ll regret for years to come. A night that had ended the next morning in awkward goodbyes and thin-lipped smiles, when it should have ended in soft kisses and tender embraces – well, according to Nagisa’s junior high wet dreams of what his first mating experience was supposed to be like, anyways.

This whole situation is starting to feel a whole lot like that time Rei was avoiding the swim club to take secret swimming lessons with Rin. Except, this time, _Nagisa_ seems to be the only one Rei’s actually making a consistent effort to avoid. And that really freaking sucks. 

Like right now – they’re all gathered in Haru’s living room, same as ever, except for the fact that Makoto and Haru both leave for university in about a month. Rei is angled awkwardly away from Nagisa in his position next to him, his upper-body twisted at what must be an uncomfortable angle to scribble furiously into a notebook that Nagisa knows for a fact is labeled ‘ _Entrance Exam Study Materials’_ – which Nagisa thinks is pretty excessive even for Rei’s study habits, considering entrance exams are about _nine months away_. Nagisa thinks it’s also a little more than suspicious that Rei had decided to pick up this little habit literally the _day_ after final exams finished (coincidentally also the night that they knotted), and has continuously used it as an excuse for why he apparently can’t _ever_ be alone with Nagisa anymore, even on the weekends. No one could possibly be studying _that_ much for exams that are almost an entire year away, Nagisa is sure of that.

Knowing it’s pretty much a lost cause at this point, Nagisa decides to try and elicit some kind of response from Rei – he’s tried everything from his usual clinginess to ‘accidentally’ spilling his milk on him, but so far all that has done for him is give Rei a _real_ reason to ignore him. 

So, this time, Nagisa opts for the amicable approach. The friendly approach. The _safe_ approach.

“Ne… Rei-chan?” Nagisa starts and Rei jolts subtly enough for only Nagisa to notice. Gou is chattering loudly to Haru and Makoto about how they _have_ to tell her about _every_ college boy’s muscles they come across in the bathrooms (and how they should try and sneak pictures, too, of the really hot ones).

Rei gulps in a way that he probably thinks is imperceptible, but is actually quite the opposite before he gets back to his intense scribbling, responding only with an idle, “Hm?”

Okay. Nagisa can work with that.

“Eh… how are your studies going? Have you picked your top university choices yet? Hehe, I’m really impressed that you’re studying already! With your work ethic, you should be able to get into any university you could ever—”

“No. I haven’t.” Rei cuts in quietly enough to not heed any unwanted attention, but firmly enough for Nagisa to get the hint to stop talking.

Nagisa is just about to make another attempt at breaking the ice, when Makoto beats him to it, so genuinely oblivious to what’s going on that Nagisa can’t really fault him on it.

“Rei… haven’t you been studying a lot recently? Your entrance exams aren’t until next spring!”

Rei almost literally sparkles at the attention from his senpai.

“Ah, yes, well… I want to be as prepared as possible so that I can ensure entry into my backup universities, in the very least.”

“Haha! Wow, you’re so prepared, Rei! I wish I had taken my entrance exams that seriously… I’m sure you’ll be able to get into any university you want!”

Rei’s chest puffs up with so much pride, he may as well be a peacock, and he launches into a detailed description of his potential university choices and wide array of studying techniques.

Nagisa deflates with an exaggerated pout and turns his attention instead to the parting gift Goro had left the university-bound boys about a half hour previous – a mass amount of pizza perched on the table, surprisingly not yet demolished by Nagisa. 

At least pizza never let him down.

Nagisa sighs dramatically before grabbing two handfuls of gooey heaven and stuffing his mouth full to the brim with it – 

Immediately gagging at the inexplicably foul taste and spluttering globs of cheese and sauce all over Haru’s floor.

Nagisa wretches violently and wills himself not to puke all over Haru’s living room. He’s hazily aware of the way the others are worriedly babbling, Gou rushing to his side to run a soothing hand across his back, while Makoto hurriedly retrieves a plastic bin for him to puke into. Even Haru pitches in and pours him a cool glass of water from the pitcher on the table, hovering near Nagisa until he’s ready to take a sip.

He manages to keep the puke down in the end, but he does spit some gross, snotty residue into the bin. He takes Haru’s proffered glass of water and sips it carefully, just in case his body decides _that’s_ no good, either.

“Nagisa-kun? Are you alright?” Gou asks, lightly patting his back when his body decides he needs to gag one more time.

“Breathe, Nagisa.” Haru states calmly, and Nagisa takes his advice, breathing deeply for a few moments before finding his bearings enough to respond properly.

“I’m okay… thanks everyone,” he rasps. “I think the pizza Goro-chan gave us was bad… what a cheapskate! Hehe.” Nagisa tries to lighten the mood, only to be greeted with three frowning faces.

“It tasted fine to me…” Gou says quizzically.

“Yeah, it seemed okay,” Makoto chimes in unsurely.

“Mn,” Haru agrees and then asks, blunt, as always, “Are you sick? You seem off lately.”

Nagisa doesn’t know how to respond. What is he supposed to say? ‘ _Yeah, I pressured Rei into knotting with me and I feel so shitty about it, it is making me physically ill.’_ All he can do is stare helplessly into the bin of his own spit in front of him.

“Daaahaha!” Rei’s laughter pierces through the expectant silence permeating the room and all heads turn to him. “Nagisa-kun! You’ve been eating so much pizza lately your body must have started rejecting it as an acceptable nutrient! Ha! Haha!”

The tension fades when Gou joins in.

“Ha! Guess you should have taken my health plan a little more seriously, hmmmm? Now that you’re captain, you’re going to have to start setting a better example!”

Makoto laughs good-naturedly, but mother hen as always, pauses to ask Nagisa one more time if he’s sure he’s okay. Nagisa assures the group that, yes, he’s fine, and that Rei must be right, it must just be his poor health decisions finally coming back to bite him in the ass.

Once the mood finally settles and the group goes back to chatting as normal, Nagisa casts a glance over to Rei, who he is surprised to find staring at him meaningfully, maybe even sort of guiltily.

Rei startles as they meet gazes, and before he can pull away from the moment, Nagisa smiles his thanks – _thanks for saving my ass_.

Rei just nods mechanically before burying his nose back into his notes a little too forcefully to be convincing.

Well, now that even pizza has betrayed him, Nagisa figures that perhaps it might be about time to seriously attempt to patch things up with Rei.

 

*

 

By Sunday, Nagisa has bucked up enough courage to decide to corner Rei the best way he knows how— by ambushing him in his own home.

He knows it’s probably not the brightest idea, and certainly not the most _private_ solution; after all, Rei’s mom spends at least a solid five to six hours couponing in the living room every Sunday. But that is also _precisely_ the reason why Nagisa is sure that he’ll finally get the opportunity to confront his… boyfriend? Ex? Friend? Nagisa doesn’t even know what they are to each other anymore, and the lack of communication concerning this issue is seriously starting to grate his nerves. Anyway, the fact of the matter is that Rei’s mother absolutely _adores_ Nagisa. After all, not only was Nagisa Rei’s very first best friend, but also her baby’s very first _boy_ friend. He’s a special one, so says Rei’s mother. 

So, Nagisa ends up knocking on the door of Rei’s family’s apartment at approximately 2:37pm on a bright and sunny Sunday afternoon that seems to insist on ironically taunting the abysmal, cloudy state of his psyche.

Nagisa manages to fix a dazzling smile onto his features just as Rei’s mother opens the door and positively beams at him. This time, Nagisa doesn’t even need to come up with an excuse for an in, since Rei’s mom immediately sweeps him up into a hug and into the apartment, going on about how “it's been far too long since we’ve had you over” and “thank goodness you’re here, Nagisa-kun, Rei has been spending far too much time stressing out about his entrance exams even though they’re _months_ away. Go on, please, give him a distraction, he’s just been in the strangest funk!” (Little does she know that Nagisa is the source of said funk, but eh, if this ambush doesn’t turn out so hot, Nagisa supposes she’ll find that out soon enough).

Piece of cake.

Now Nagisa is standing at Rei’s bedroom door, shuffling nervously from one foot to another and gnawing at his bottom lip. He knows being nervous isn’t going to solve anything, but he can’t really help it, not with how high the stakes are here – if he loses Rei as his boyfriend, he also loses Rei as his friend. There’s just no realistic way that they could ever go back to being normal friends after what had went down between them. He heaves a deep sigh and squeezes his eyes shut before he decides to bite the bullet and knock twice on Rei’s door, stepping in with a “pardon the intrusion” without even waiting for a response.

He closes the door behind him with a soft ‘click’, before slowly turning on his heel and peaking an eye open.

Rei is sitting at the table in the center of his room, with a pen in his hand and various notes and books sprawled out sloppily in front of him. The look of irate shock he sends Nagisa seems to suggest that Rei, in fact, actually _had_ been studying for entrance exams, and by the looks of it must have been in the middle of a particularly tough equation. Huh. Not that it’s a huge surprise or anything that Rei was being honest with him every time he pulled that excuse, but Nagisa knows for a fact that Rei’s go-to method for stress relief is hitting the books _hard_ – which often ends up making him even more stressed than he already was to begin with but, hey. Either way, Nagisa’s sure it must be pretty bad this time if Rei’s been studying with _this_ much frequency. 

As soon as Rei takes in the fact that Nagisa is standing at his doorway, his face goes through a very interesting array of emotions, at least from what Nagisa can tell. His expression twists from shock, to confusion, to anger, to guilt, and finally to a look of utter defeat. Good, Nagisa thinks, Rei _should_ feel defeated because he’s finally been caught.

And as triumphant as Nagisa wants to feel about that he, unfortunately, hasn’t forgotten that the pretense of this visit is on less-than-good-terms.

A solid thirty seconds pass by of the two of them hopelessly staring into each other’s eyes, both clearly too caught-off-guard by the situation to react with any semblance of tact – which, Nagisa thinks, might be a little bit sad on his part since it was _his_ idea to ambush Rei and all, so maybe he should have at least prepared what he way going to say.

Instead, they both end up blurting out their piece at the same time.

“Rei-chan, what’s going on with us—“

“Nagisa-kun, I guess we need to talk—“

They both immediately cut off and Nagisa trails into that dorky giggle-snort he always does when he gets nervous that he’s always felt self-conscious about, but Rei’s always insisted is cute. Nagisa doesn’t miss the sad smile Rei gives him in response and for some reason that makes his heart sink to the pit of his stomach. 

Something tells Nagisa he’s not going to like this ‘talk’.

“Um…” Rei starts awkwardly, (fake) coughs into the palm of his hand to stall, then gestures for Nagisa to sit down at the table.

Nagisa sits and, for once in his life, makes it a point _not_ to speak. He stares at Rei expectantly to convey that the floor is all his. 

Rei adjusts his glasses, gulps, works his throat a few times and then clears it. Stalling. All stalling. Nagisa’s about to revoke his vow of silence, just before Rei finally starts speaking.

“Um. Well. First of all, I’m… very aware that I owe you an apology. Clearly, I’ve been avoiding you and avoiding the issue and I’m not – trust me, I’m not proud of that. It was childish of me, and I’m very sorry.”

Nagisa nods, hands twisting anxiously into the fabric of his shorts.

“But this time apart from you, despite the immaturity behind it has… ah…mm…” Rei pauses here to adjust his glasses and give him an excuse to dart his eyes away from Nagisa’s own.

“It has given me time to think… about our relationship.”

Shit. Here we go.

“And _before_ you go on making any assumptions, let me tell you that this has absolutely nothing to do with me regretting… you know. _‘Mating’_ with you, or… what you will… okay?”

This time, it’s Nagisa’s turn to avoid Rei’s gaze, so he just stares down into his lap, focusing his own eyes onto the way the tips of his fingers are starting to cut off in circulation as they twist impossibly tighter into the hem of his shorts.

Rei lets out an unsteady breath through his nose before he’s speaking again, “It’s just. Things became… _extremely_ intense that night. And it made me realize that I’m starting to lose sight of my goals in favor of… well, you know…”

_Being with you._

“Again, _not_ that I regret it – I’m very glad to have shared that experience with you. Truly,” Rei continues honestly, and it’s the sincerity in his voice that makes the pressure of fresh tears well up behind Nagisa’s eyes. He blinks a few times to will them away because _no_ he is _not_ going to cry in front of Rei, not now, not when he needs to be listening and considering Rei’s feelings instead of just his own for once. 

“Ah… Anyway… I just can’t afford to have any… distractions at this time in my life. Especially if they could end up being… potentially life-altering.”

Nagisa eyebrows draw up and his heartstrings pull guiltily at that. It makes sense, after the irresponsible shit that Nagisa had pulled. The irresponsible shit that may or may not come back to bite him in the ass now that he actually thinks about it, but Nagisa has to push that thought aside for now, lest he totally lose control of his sanity.

“Which, um. I know it’s not exactly my place to say, but I do still hope you get that issue examined to avoid any more potential... scares.”

Implying that he’ll be having sex with anyone else. Great, really good to know that Rei has that little faith in him preserving his chastity after Rei breaks up with him.

Speaking of which, Nagisa is really starting to wonder why Rei isn’t just cutting to the chase of this whole thing and he can’t help but voice it, trying _extremely_ hard to keep the bitter waver out of his voice.

“Okay. I get it, Rei. Just… tell me you wanna break up and I’ll go.”

Here, Nagisa finally chances a glance at Rei and is sort of surprised to find him looking so utterly conflicted, his eyes downcast, eyebrows screwed up, and lip between his teeth.

“Nagisa, I don’t _want_ to—“

_Bull shit._

“Yeah, okay, but you ‘ _have’_ to, right? I’m too _distracting_ , right?” Nagisa knows he’s being a brat, but he inexplicably just really can’t help the sudden and alarming shift in his priorities, and he doesn’t even try to keep the bite out of his voice anymore. If Rei is going to dump his ass, he’d rather him not beat around the bush about it. 

“ _No_! Would you please just _listen to me_ at least _one time_ before this relationship is over?!”

That shuts Nagisa up.

Rei draws in a ragged breath before continuing, obviously trying very hard to keep his voice steady, “Look. I love being with you. I love _you_ , despite what I’m sure you must be thinking right now and I know can’t blame you for that. But you just… you _do_ things to me that, frankly, scare me.”

Nagisa cocks his head, confused, and Rei elaborates.

“Whenever… whenever we have intimate relations, and even sometimes when I’m just _around_ you, I just…” Rei struggles to find the words for a moment, but once he does, it’s like an avalanche of presumably months worth of pent-up emotions tumbling from his mouth, “I get this disgusting, primal urge. It’s like I want to _claim_ you as my own, and I want you so badly that I wouldn’t even think twice before hurting someone to have you, or before hurting _you_ – I-I _did_ hurt you, and I don’t think I can ever forgive myself for that—“

“Rei-chan, those are just your _instincts_ , and I’d been trying to get you to knot me for months! That’s not your fault, it’s mi—“

“No!” Rei _growls_. Blanches. Buries his face in his hands.

“Rei-chan…” Nagisa tries desperately to reach out and touch Rei, soothe him in any way he possibly can, but Rei just flinches violently and heaves a sob into his hands.

“Like _that_ … this is exactly what I mean…” Rei groans miserably.

Nagisa’s heart feels like it’s going to thump right out of his ribcage and splatter onto the ground in front of him.

“Rei-chan, it’s nothing to be ashamed of… a lot of alphas go through a possessive phase the first time they’re with an omega, you know that. Mako-chan and Haru-chan worked through it, remember? We can get through this together, okay?”

“We can’t.” Rei sounds utterly defeated and Nagisa has no idea how to help it anymore.

“Why not?” he asks lamely.

“There’s not enough time. I have my future to worry about; entrance exams, university, my career. I…” Rei sucks in a tight breath and lets it tumble free on his words, “I’m not willing to risk the chance of giving that all up by investing time that could be spent preparing for it into a relationship that’s already way too out of my depth.”

Nagisa sits in stunned silence for a moment. “I…”

“Nagisa, I promise it’s not you, as clichéd as that sounds. For me and for my system that I’ve built up through _years_ of hard work and dedication… a relationship just doesn’t fit into the equation. To me, love is illogical. It doesn’t… ‘compute’, so to speak. I don’t know how to cope with it, especially when I… when I am what I am.”

Nagisa wants more than anything to laugh at Rei’s endearing and classic use of puns, to go back to the perfectly dysfunctional relationship they had just weeks before this, before he fucked it all up because he was selfish, because he needed to try to be closer to Rei than he already was. Instead, he takes all the strength and composure he has left in him and wills himself to stand up, and calmly take his leave from Rei’s home.

 

*

 

When Nagisa gets home that night, he finds himself hugging the seat of his toilet for the better half of the night and well into the early morning light.

 _Stress_ , he tells himself. _It has been a stressful day._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk it was easier to just make this chaptered don't judge me
> 
> and literally do nOT expect chapters this quickly lol this is like actually an anomaly for me 
> 
> also i named the title after an old song so now i guess all the chapters are just gonna be named after classic songs hahaha
> 
> alright


	3. If

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nagisa hears the clatter of dishware from the other side of the small apartment and can’t help but smile a bit. For as cool as Rin likes to pretend he is, he really is, at his core, just a clumsy, awkward nerd with pathetic social skills. It’s endearing.

When the nausea, fatigue, depression, loneliness, and sudden and unfortunate aversion to pizza doesn’t subside in another month, Nagisa decides it’s probably about time he talks to someone about it.

After all, last year he learned a very important lesson about bottling up his feelings and trusting his friends during times of hardship. Unfortunately, said very-important-lesson was brought to you by none other than one Rei Ryugazaki, which, Nagisa now realizes, probably has something to do with why he decides _against_ seeking out help for the better half of the month.

Even when things are about a kajillion times _worse_ than they were when Rei was just ignoring him. Sure, Rei is still mostly ignoring him, but now they’re not even dating and that _really_ stings. Not to mention, swimming season is in full swing, so that means he has to see Rei every single day… discuss club activities with Rei, who of course is vice captain, every single day… pretend like nothing is wrong every single day. After all, as Kou liked to remind him, he now has an image to uphold as swim club captain, especially with their recent influx of new members. Nagisa really wishes he could be happier about that, he really does; however, his smiles and pep talks are just a little bit tighter and more forced then he’s sure they would be if he weren’t drowning (no pun intended; or maybe a little pun intended) in post-breakup angst. And vomiting. The constant vomiting doesn’t help much either, especially when he has to go through great lengths to hide it from his team (and he’s been seriously getting creative lately; although vomiting into his gym bag wasn’t an ideal situation, he was at least able to pass it off as him digging through his bag for a pair of ‘lost’ goggles that, in actuality, were covered in puke). 

He _really_ wants to believe it’s the physical affects of his depression hitting him hard, and he definitely knows that it’s more than a little sad that _that_ is currently his best-case scenario.

He keeps thinking that Haru and Makoto would be the perfect candidates to help him navigate through his current potential predicament; they’ve been in a successful alpha/omega relationship for the majority of their lives, even if they only ‘officially’ got together around the same time that Rei and Nagisa had. But alas, both are getting ready to head out to university by the end of the week and Nagisa _knows_ that if he gives Makoto anymore reason other than the recent breakup to be concerned, he’ll spontaneously combust from his compulsive need to mother his friends through their hardships. Nagisa knows that that is the _last_ thing Makoto needs on his plate when he’s getting ready to make the transition to university life. And as fun as Gou’s ‘single ladies’ party (complete with cookie dough and terrible 80s horror movies) had been and while she had certainly provided a well-needed distraction, as a virgin and as a beta, she just hadn’t been able to offer the any advice Nagisa _really_ needed. 

So when he ends up Rin’s apartment at one in the morning on a Tuesday, needless to say, Rin is not happy. 

“Are you _shitting_ me, Nagisa? It’s one in the fucking morning. I have to coach tomorrow.” 

“Eheh… Sorry Rin-Rin. I’m sure Goro-chan will understand if you have to come in late—“ 

“I’m not calling into work just so you can – you can—… okay, _why_ are you even here right now?”

“Um…” 

Nagisa stalls, scratches the back of his head idly. He feels pretty bad. Rin did just start coaching at the swim club earlier in the month; sort of a snap decision on his part after battling a fairly lengthy and definitely stressful quarter life crisis about whether or not to pursue his dream of going pro after having not been scouted. Regardless, it seems like Rin loves his job so far, which makes Nagisa and the rest of his friends immensely excited for him, especially after how brightly he had shone as Samezuka’s captain. 

Nagisa slumps. Might as well be honest if he’s going to impose on Rin at such an ungodly hour, even by Nagisa’s standards. He suddenly feels really freaking stupid and really freaking embarrassed. 

“Um. I couldn’t sleep. I’m sorry, this is really dumb, I just really needed to talk to someone about Rei. I know I probably should have just found you after school or something instead of being rude and barging in on you like this—“ 

Rin interrupts him with an exaggerated sigh, stepping aside and gesturing for Nagisa to come in. Nagisa does so, muttering a quiet “pardon the intrusion”, while Rin slides a hand through his hair, rightfully making a show of Nagisa’s inconvenience, even if he knows that Nagisa knows that Rin would gladly do anything for him in a time of need. 

“Y’know, you could’ve at least called…” Rin closes the door and moves to the small kitchenette, starting to prepare a couple of cups of tea.

“I know. I’m sorry, Rin-chan,” says Nagisa honestly as he snuggles himself into the corner of Rin’s couch. 

“It’s fine. I know things have been sort of rough for you after… well, y’know…” Rin trails off, obviously not quite knowing how to approach the subject. 

“Yeah…” Nagisa bites his lip. He hadn’t personally told Rin about the breakup himself, but after having told the rest of his friends at Iwatobi he sort of figured it would get around to him. Unless… “Have you talked to Rei at all…?” 

Nagisa hears the clatter of dishware from the other side of the small apartment and can’t help but smile a bit. For as cool as Rin likes to pretend he is, he really is, at his core, just a clumsy, awkward nerd with pathetic social skills. It’s endearing. 

Rin clears his throat and comes into the living area to offer Nagisa a cup of warm tea before sitting in the armchair adjacent to him. 

“Yeah… yeah, I have. I don’t think I should say much, you know, ‘scout’s honor’ and all that shit, but… I mean, I _will_ say that he definitely ain’t doin’ so hot, either.” 

Nagisa hums sadly. “Yeah. I figured… I mean, we didn’t really break up on great terms. And I’m sure him having to see me every day in class and at practice kinda sucks for him. Heh…”

“Yeah…” Rin agrees. 

A comfortable silence falls over the two as they sip their tea. Nagisa allows the warmth to flow through his veins, relax him momentarily before he chances delving into the _real_ reason for his visit. 

“Ne… Rin-Rin. You and Ai-chan have… knotted, right?” 

Rin spits his tea all over his sweatpants. 

“What the _fuck_ , Nagisa?!” 

“I’m sorry, I’m _sorry_! I know you don’t like talking about that stuff, but I promise I wouldn’t ask unless it was really important!” Nagisa frantically attempts to do damage control, but Rin is now furiously wiping at his wet sweats with his hand, so things definitely aren’t looking too promising. 

Rin glares up at him suspiciously. 

“Why would _that_ be important…? Don’t tell me you and Rei…?” Rin’s eyes widen in understanding and he sets his cup down on the coffee table, presumably to avoid any more accidents. 

Nagisa fidgets, and feels his cheeks heat up uncharacteristically. Dead giveaway, for sure. 

“No shit. I thought Rei was like super against it?” 

“Yeah. He _was_ …” Nagisa buries himself impossibly deeper into the corner of Rin’s couch and palms the heels of his hands into his eye sockets in distress. “But like… we were having sex and it was all ‘heat of the moment’, and I _always_ would ask him to do it pretty much _every time_ we boned and he never, ever would. But this time I guess he just… snapped? I don’t know… things got super intense and he was growling and stuff and marking me and it’s like suddenly he was just such an _alpha_ , I mean, he always tries to suppress it so I guess it was bound to happen, but...” Nagisa huffs, suddenly exhausted, and moves his hands up to gently tug his bangs out of his face in mild frustration. 

“Right. Yeah, I know. The first time is scary…” Rin starts, slowly, considering, and then, “Okay, everything that comes out of my mouth in the next two minutes is strictly confidential. Ai would fucking _kill me_ if he knew I told you this.” 

Nagisa laughs bitterly. Of course he would. As much progress as Nagisa had made on his and Ai’s relationship, they were still nowhere near ‘bosom buddies’ status.  Barely even ‘friendly’, really. Nagisa still has to mostly to walk on eggshells around Ai at joint practices, especially now that Ai is captain of Samezuka’s team. Nagisa has learned all to harshly not to interrupt Ai’s inspirational speeches to his team after an incident where he had very innocently, and very playfully slapped Ai in the butt with a towel. Needless to say, Ai was not amused and had proceeded to ignore him for the rest of the practice, despite Nagisa’s pleas for forgiveness. 

“Yeah, of course, Rin-Rin!”

“…Alright... Well. Ai was kinda like that, too. He’d kinda… beg a lot when we were… y’know…” 

Rin flushes there and Nagisa has to bite the insides of his cheeks not to snicker from how cute he looks. Instead, he nods in earnest for him to continue. 

“And, of course, I’d always say no way, I ain’t lookin’ to get you knocked up, even if you _aren’t_ in heat, I know it’s pretty rare, but still, I am _not_ about to risk that—“ 

Here it’s Nagisa’s turn to flush, shamefully, but he brings his knees up to hide it by covering half of his face with them. 

“But anyway, uh. He ended up going on those heat-suppressant pills, and we talked about doing it, like prepared and junk, and made sure to be super slow about it so things wouldn’t get out of hand, but... Like you were saying about the heat of the moment thing? It’s like… when we were going at it, and I started _really_ thinking about what we were about to do… I just got way out of hand. And Ai was screaming about it hurting and shit and I hadn’t even _realized_ that I’d, uh, knotted him yet until then. Like, it ended up being fine, and I guess sort of romantic? In the end? But before that, I seriously blacked out. It was crazy. Ai said it was fine, but I still felt super bad about it, obviously. And I mean, we’ve done it since then, but it’s like… I dunno, in that moment when you _know_ it’s gonna happen, it’s just… hard to hold back. It’s scary, so… yeah, I guess what I’m getting at is that it happens to a lot of people when they first knot.” 

Rin crosses his arms and shifts his gaze, obviously more than uncomfortable about being so exposed. Nagisa smiles him a warm thanks, genuinely touched that Rin trusts him enough to share such a personal memory. 

“That’s what I told Rei. When he broke up with me. I don’t know what he told you, but he basically just said he was ‘scared’ of what I did to him and his instincts and stuff. But I guess I also sorta understand it because he’s always thought _being_ an alpha is like ‘not beautiful’ or whatever because sometimes he can’t control his urges, even though it’s a totally normal thing to go through. It’s all kind of confusing…” 

“Yeah… hopefully he’ll come around. I’ll talk to him if you want, you know, about… that stuff. Try to help him through it. It wasn’t easy for me, either.” 

“Thanks, Rin-chan. Um, you also said… you said Ai-chan was on the pill?” Nagisa averts his gaze at this, trying to be nonchalant, but undoubtedly failing when he can as much as _feel_ the suspicious glare that Rin burns into his direction. 

“Yeah, he still is… why?” he draws out the ‘why’ in a way that makes Nagisa feel like he knows where this conversation is headed, but isn’t going to say anything until Nagisa goes there first. 

“I might have… shit,” Nagisa stills, midsentence, already feeling the overwhelming urge to both cry and vomit simultaneously. Rin waits patiently as he composes himself, moving his limbs into a cross-legged position, breathing deeply. 

“I might have been in heat.” 

Nagisa closes his eyes and fists his hands into the hem of his shirt as Rin groans despairingly. 

“ _Seriously_ , Nagisa? Like. Really? You are both fucking stupid.” 

“I _know_ ,” Nagisa insists, voice small, and eyes still shut because he knows if he sees the disappointed look that is undoubtedly crossing Rin’s features, he’ll start crying. 

He hears Rin sigh. 

“Shit. _Shit_ , I mean. Do you think you’re…?” 

“I. I don’t know…” Nagisa opens his eyes, and he can feel wetness starting to gather at his waterline as he’s faced with Rin looking more concerned then he’s ever seen him in his entire damn life and, shit, that might actually be worse than a disappointed Rin. Which is saying a lot. 

Nagisa swallows, hard.

“Like, I don’t even _know_ if I was on it or not, because it’s been really irregular and super spotty for _months_ now and Rei-chan kept telling me to go to the doctor, but I didn’t because I’m a fucking _idiot_ and even if I did have it, I have no way of knowing since it would have been gone by the time the knot went down, but like…-” 

Nagisa has to pause to draw in a sharp breath, and that’s when the tears finally escape. Rin is by his side in an instant, a strong, steady hand coming down to cuff his neck reassuringly. 

“Hey. It’s okay. No rush.” 

Shit, Rin is way too nice when he knows the situation calls for it. 

“Ugh,” Nagisa wipes roughly at his eyes. “And Rei-chan said it felt different. So I keep thinking maybe that’s what made him lose control, because he probably smelled it on me or something or _felt_ it somehow, but. I’ve been puking all the time for like over a month now, and I’ve been having all of these crazy mood swings, and I can’t even eat pizza anymore which fucking _sucks_ because everyone knows how much I love pizza, but all of a sudden it just tastes like ass.” 

Rin hums in sympathy. 

“I just don’t know what to do,” Nagisa says quietly, exhaustedly, and runs his hands over his face with a sigh. “Because I kept trying to tell myself it’s just me getting worked up about breaking up with Rei, but then I started looking up symptoms online and freaking myself out and now I don’t know what to think.” 

Rin’s grip tightens slightly, squeezing comfortingly, and allows Nagisa to catch his breath once more before speaking up again, hesitantly. 

“You know… Ai usually keeps pregnancy tests around, just in case we have a scare… I can see if he left any in the bathroom?” 

Nagisa trills his lips noisily, releasing the trapped air in his body. He wants to live in denial. Hell, he still _might_ live in denial even if, God forbid, it turns out he is… with child? Has a bun in the oven? Shit, he really doesn’t even want to even think about _that_ word, otherwise this whole thing suddenly becomes real. Either way, at least he would be able to somewhat expect it once his midsection starts to blow up like a beach ball. 

He tenses, flexes his hands and clenches onto the edge of the couch, making a motion to get up. 

“Yeah. Let’s do it.” 

Rin gets up wordlessly, makes his way to the bathroom down the small hall past the kitchen. Nagisa follows him and stands anxiously at the door as Rin digs through a cabinet that definitely belongs to Ai judging by the apocalyptic state of it. He’s more than half-hoping Rin doesn’t have any luck, so he can retain his blissful ignorance even whilst continuing to drown in his own puke, but of course, _of course_ , Rin makes a satisfied noise (or at least as satisfied as one can possibly sound given the current situation, Nagisa supposes), pulls out a box, and offers it to Nagisa. 

Nagisa accepts it, begrudgingly, and examines the box for a moment. He silently curses the woman that’s smiling up at him, looking deceivingly excited about the prospect of reproducing offspring, and the ’99.9% accurate!’ proclamation stamped across the cover. 

Nagisa grimaces as Rin excuses himself, telling him that he’ll be right outside if Nagisa needs anything. 

Well, at least Nagisa sort of needs to pee right now. He guesses that’s his only saving grace in an otherwise totally hopeless situation. 

He tears open the box, peels himself out of his shorts, and does his business onto the thin plastic stick, which Nagisa thinks looks ironically unimposing considering it essentially holds the fate of his entire life on the line right now. It also may or may not have caused his stream to splatter all over the toilet seat, which he cleans up, but still, the point is, that stick is already fucking shit up for him, and that can’t possibly be a good sign. 

He sets the test gingerly on top of a wad of toilet paper on the countertop; the last thing he needs right now is for Rin to bitch out at him for getting piss on his countertops. 

How long is he supposed to wait? One minute? Two? Maybe he should have read the instructions. Too late for that, Nagisa guesses, since he had practically demolished the box in blind nervous rage. He presses the flats of his hands against the wall of the bathroom and forces himself to breathe. In, out, in, out, and he counts at least ten breaths before he steels himself, turns around, and swipes up the stick, forcing himself to look at it square in its ugly, plastic face before he can lose his nerve. 

A plus. 

What the fuck does that mean? A plus. Nagisa’s mind whirls. Why can’t the thing just lay it down for him, just spell out the words from him – ‘pregnant’ or ‘not pregnant’? How accurate are these things, anyway, Nagisa reasons, hopelessly, heart knocking against his ribs at an alarmingly fast pace. 

A plus. A fucking plus. 

Well, math has never been Nagisa’s forte, but even though his brain is surely in the process of having a complete mental break, Nagisa's not stupid, and he knows what a plus has always, always meant and will always, always will mean. 

_Positive._

When Nagisa hits the ground, he hears a dull ‘thud’ that cuts through the blood roaring in his ears. Rin is shouting something, and he must have burst through the door, because the next second he’s being cradled into the distinct warmth of a human body. 

“Shh, you’re gonna be okay, Nagisa. Calm down. Breathe.” 

And that's almost sort of funny, because Nagisa doesn’t think he’s going to be okay anymore for a while now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed, babes. i keep saying that my updates are gonna be really slow but then i end up getting slapped in the face with ideas so i feel like i need to poop them all out before i lose them lol.
> 
> as always come yell at me at hentai-horseface.tumblr.com k bye!


	4. We shall overcome

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Nagisa steps onto the starting block, he can’t help but skim the crowd for Rei. He doesn’t really know why, but he feels this really intense, desperate urge to make some form of contact with him before hitting the water. Maybe its because this is ostensibly his last solo race ever and he’s just seeking out some weird, nonsensical form of comfort from his ex-boyfriend, but somehow Nagisa doesn’t think that’s quite it; regardless, he’s sure it’s something worth suppressing for the sake of his sanity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for this chapter - brief discussion of miscarriage and abortion

About a month and a half passes and nothing changes too drastically, except that Nagisa’s finally stopped puking out his lungs with such fervent frequency. He’s puking at a meager once per morning, which feels like a blessing, even though he knows it really shouldn’t. 

And as much as he tries to avoid it, pretend like he shouldn’t have to monitor something like this, he can’t help but examine his stomach in the mirror every night before he goes to bed. It’s mostly stayed the same, except for recently; recently it just looks like he constantly has a pretty sizable food baby, which luckily, isn’t all that uncommon for Nagisa. Any comments that have been made about it from his team tend to be along the lines of ‘Nagisa, how many Iwa-chan breads did you eat today?!” or ‘Looks like it’s time to lay off the pizza, Nagisa, it’s finally starting to stick!’ He sees Rei glance over from the corner of his eye during these conversations, looking vaguely perturbed which even further solidifies Nagisa’s decision to brush the entire situation under the rug for that much longer.

He also feels tired. All the time. Which is, luckily, also pretty easy to hide, especially in class, since falling asleep during lectures is something he’s notorious for. Again, he catches Rei eyeing him from across the room every now and then as he nods off and Nagisa is sort of flattered. At least Rei looks kind of concerned for him, which is nice. Swim practice is a different story, but he still just gets away with a lecture from Gou about how he needs his rest so that he can be in tiptop shape for regionals which, well, are happening right now regardless of Nagisa’s terrible fatigue and the vaguely uncomfortable bulge of his stomach. 

Nagisa has almost nodded off a total of three times in the locker room alone. Once, when sitting on the bench to unlace his shoes, and two other times while he was in the middle of pulling his shirt over his head. He’s in the middle of pulling on his jammers when yet another wave of exhaustion plagues him and everything starts to go blurry and there’s absolutely nothing he can do to stop it even though he can _feel_ it happening – 

“W-whoa, Nagisa-kun!” 

Nagisa’s eyes blink open slowly, and he’s definitely on the ground, but he’s on top of something that feels warm and jagged, but still comfortable enough that maybe he could just close his eyes and rest for a few minutes before he has to go out and compete... 

“Mmmf! Nagisa-kun!” 

Nagisa looks down, blearily at first, but then his vision starts to piece his surroundings together, and he scrambles to his feet once he realizes that what he was resting on was actually a human being. 

“Ai-chan! I’m so sorry!”

“U-um. It’s fine. Are you okay?” Ai peers at him, looking surprisingly concerned for the rocky nature of their relationship, and for the fact that Nagisa had literally just face-planted onto him not two seconds ago. 

“Yeah! I’m okay! I’m really sorry, I was just weirdly nervous for today so I didn’t get much sleep last night…” Nagisa had actually slept for a solid fourteen hours straight last night, but Ai certainly doesn’t need to know that. “You know, last regional I’ll _ever_ swim and all! So weird!” 

“Mmhm.” Ai responds, but he doesn’t seem to be taking the bait. Instead, Nagisa swears he glances down to the little pooch of his stomach, before he hesitates for a moment which makes Nagisa’s heart leap into his throat. “Just-just be careful out there. That’d be an unfair handicap if you fell asleep in the middle of our race.” Ah right. Nagisa and Ai are in neighboring lanes today; Nagisa’s not sure if that’s a testimony of how much Ai has improved or how much _he’s_ fallen behind. Probably both. 

Ai fidgets awkwardly for a second, as if he can’t decide whether to say something else or to leave. In the end he settles on a rushed, “Good luck!” before padding away in the direction of the pool. 

Nagisa wants to swear that if Rin has so much insinuated anything to Ai about his current situation, he’ll punch him square in the jaw. Realistically, he’ll probably just call Rin up and cry to him about breaking the vow of silence Nagisa had sworn him to uphold. 

Sure, maybe it’s been a month and a half since he and Rin have last seen each other and, sure, maybe he’s been blowing off 99.9% of Rin’s concerned text messages urging him to go see a doctor, but still. _Still_. That gives Rin absolutely no right to run his mouth to people about Nagisa’s state of… gestation (Nagisa mentally, bitterly, thanks Rei for his suddenly ironic knowledge of that word). Even if that person happens to be Rin’s boyfriend. Rin took that vow of silence for good reason. 

Nagisa entertains the idea of shooting Rin a snippy text message, but ends up grabbing his goggles and swim cap instead of his phone. Texting Rin means confronting the issue. Which is something he absolutely cannot afford to do. Not now. Not when he has a race to swim. 

* 

As Nagisa steps onto the starting block, he can’t help but skim the crowd for Rei. He doesn’t really know why, but he feels this really intense, desperate urge to make some form of contact with him before hitting the water. Maybe its because this is ostensibly his last solo race ever and he’s just seeking out some weird, nonsensical form of comfort in the form of his ex-boyfriend, but somehow Nagisa doesn’t think that’s quite it; regardless, he’s sure it’s something worth suppressing for the sake of his sanity. 

He spots Rei in the crowd near the rest of his team who are already cheering him on, waving their arms frantically, and chanting words of encouragement, all thanks to Goro’s always-flawless instruction. Nagisa smiles warmly at his team, genuinely touched by their show of support. 

He wants to leave it at that, let the support of his team fuel him during his race, but his eyes seem to magnetically gravitate over to Rei who appears to be talking very seriously with two figures that seriously look suspiciously like Makoto and Haru. 

Make that two figures who suspiciously _are_ Makoto and Haru. As soon as he comes upon this realization, Haru and Makoto both turn to look down at him simultaneously (it has to be a mind-reading thing, Nagisa thinks). Haru looks complacent as ever, but Makoto jumps slightly when they meet eyes, looking sort of shaken, before recuperating and waving maybe a bit too enthusiastically. Nagisa returns the wave, unsure, and he really needs a second to process that information, decide whether he’s excited to see them or nervous about the sneaking suspicion that the three of them are conspiring against him to ambush him with an intervention or something, but then the referee blows his whistle to signal his starting position, so Nagisa doesn’t exactly get a chance to process much of _anything_ before he’s clambering into position and the second whistle blows. 

Nagisa is in the water before his mind can even catch up with his body. His muscles feel like lead and his mind is racing, probably faster than his body is moving through the water. 

Nagisa feels his hand extend to touch the wall out of instinct, and he thinks his mind should probably be more focused on the race and less focused on anything else, because his stomach is cramping quite painfully and every time he breathes in, its so shallow and tight that he feels like he’s breathing in smoke and that can’t be right. 

 _One more pass_ , he urges himself on, trying to push aside both his mental and physical blocks. 

The final length of the race is a dark, seemingly endless tunnel that feels unlike anything Nagisa has ever experienced in the water, and it makes him feel like he’s going to suffocate on the pitch black he faces every time he dives back in, even more so than the way his lungs seem to be collapsing in on themselves. 

Something in Nagisa’s lower abdomen throbs abruptly and Nagisa thinks that maybe something inside him is about to burst and he’s really about to just call it quits and curl into a ball right there in the middle of the pool, but then his body collides with something solid, and that jostles him back into the painful reality that he’s essentially just body-slammed into the side of the pool. 

Embarrassing, definitely, painful, sort of, but not nearly as bad as the way his stomach seems to keep constricting in on itself. He’s about to let it slide for just a minute to search for his name on the electronic board above him, see where he’s placed, because _that’s_ what should be important right now, when someone screams from across the pool. 

“Holy _shit_! Is that blood?! Get the fuck out of the water!” 

Nagisa tears his eyes away from the board and towards the source of the outcry; not two seconds later, there are whistles being blown and general panic ensues, competitors splashing about to clamber out of the pool as fast as they possibly can. 

 _Blood?_ Had he heard that right?

Nagisa chances a glance down at the water he’s still engulfed in – 

 _Blood_.

Lots of it. Concentrated in a perfect halo around him and steadily petering out across the rest of the pool. 

But mostly around _him_. 

Nagisa’s veins feel like they’ve been injected with ice. He can’t move, so he just stares down into the redness of the water, disbelieving, letting the chaos around him, _about him_ , fade into background noise because this can’t be happening, this really _can’t_ be happening. 

“-ey! Hey, kid! ” 

Nagisa blindly whips his head towards the side of the pool where the sound is coming from, ripping himself out of his previous state of shock. He locks eyes with someone who looks very official, a paramedic or something, holding a gloved hand out for Nagisa to grasp onto. 

“Come on. Let’s get you out of here,” the stranger says, calmly but firmly. Nagisa stares down at the proffered hand, reaches out with every intention of taking it – when all of a sudden, the most intense pain he has ever felt stabs him clean in the abdomen. Nagisa feels himself double over into the water, and faintly thinks he might be screaming, or at least trying to, but it’s pretty hard to tell when his face is currently submerged. 

Whoever those guys are, they’re quick to act and Nagisa feels himself being lifted out of the water, and onto a contraption that’s probably a stretcher, but he’s really started to feel dizzy and his vision is blurring around the edges; his perception is pretty distorted at the moment, so that’s probably not good. 

“Where’s Rei-chan?” Nagisa hears his voice ask without his permission. “I need Rei-chan,” he croaks to the paramedics, who are currently looking his body over, poking and prodding to check for injuries in all the wrong places, which is actually sort of amusing to Nagisa’s misty state of mind. 

The paramedic hovering directly above him is speaking into a radio, saying something Nagisa can’t fully understand, except he catches his own name, age, and omega status. 

“Hazuki-kun, stay with me – where does it hurt? Did you cut yourself somewhere?” the paramedic directs to him. 

“No… my stomach. My stomach, it’s making me bleed. The baby, probably. I just need Rei-chan, I need to tell him…” Nagisa babbles, hoping the paramedic will be able to piece together the slurred incoherencies. 

 The paramedic’s eyes widen almost imperceptibly. “You’re pregnant? How many months?” 

“I don’t know… just a few. It doesn’t matter, just. I need _Rei-chan_ ,” Nagisa tries again desperately, his vision becoming even more obscured as his eyes fill with hot tears and his mind becomes clouded with frustration and confusion. 

Instead of responding to him, the paramedic just mumbles into his radio, “Patient confirms pregnancy, gestational age unknown, estimation two to four months. Probable miscarriage.” 

Then, they’re moving and panic hits him _hard_. He can’t do this alone, he never should have hid this from Rei, why was he ever so _stupid_ to think he’d ever be able to hide this at all. 

“ _Please, I need Rei-chan! I can’t do – I can’t do this, please I need him, please!_ ” 

“Nagisa-kun!” 

Nagisa stays conscious just long enough to catch a glimpse of Rei arguing his way through a very official-looking crowd of men in uniforms. It makes Nagisa want to smile that, despite practically ignoring his existence for the past few months, Rei is apparently still willing to resist authority for Nagisa’s sake.  That’s a nice feeling. 

* 

When Nagisa wakes up, he’s greeted by the blinding sting of fluorescent lights and the harsh smell of chemicals and that tells him he must be in a hospital. He feels numb. Mostly all over, but particularly towards his bottom half. He reaches a hand out in front of him, to test his range of motion, opening and closing his palm a little dizzily, but still successfully. 

Shit. What the hell is going on? Nagisa can only piece together parts of what happened back at regionals in his mind. Blood, paramedics, Rei-chan… 

 _Rei-chan_. 

Nagisa is about to chance getting up, looking for his phone to maybe call him but as soon as he gets the idea, someone is knocking on the door and not a second later, a friendly-looking nurse has made her way into the room. 

“Ah, Hazuki-kun! Glad to see you’re awake. How are you feeling?” 

“I… don’t know. Numb?” Nagisa barely croaks out around an unbelievably dry throat. “ _Thirsty_ ,” he continues honestly. 

The nurse smiles warmly in response, and makes her way over to the bedside. “That’s good. That just means the medication is working. I’ll grab you a cup of water and let Dr. Hitachi know you’re awake so that he can explain a few things; I’m sure you have some questions. Is there anything else I can do for you? Would you like me to help you sit up?” 

Nagisa nods distractedly and the nurse is there in a split-second, fluffing up his pillows and carefully hoisting him into a seated position. 

“Let me know if there’s anything else I can do for you. Just press the button right here on the armrest to page me, okay?” 

The nurse starts to make her way out of the room when Nagisa remembers that he _does_ have something else she can do for him. 

“Wait, ah – is there anyone…? Um… waiting?” 

The nurse turns around, and seems to understand what he means right away, which is a relief. Nagisa doesn’t think he can stand to speak much more what with the dryness of his throat trying to swallow his words. 

“Ah, yes! I’m so sorry! Your parents have been paged and notified of your condition.” _Great_ , Nagisa thinks bitterly, dejectedly, and he decides quickly that he’ll have to save that dilemma for later. “They’re both on their way from Iwatobi, so they should be here in just a few more hours. There are also a few boys out in the waiting room for you if you’d like me to—“ 

“Rei,” Nagisa croaks. 

The nurse blinks, confusion alighting her eyes. 

“Ryugazaki Rei. Send him in,” Nagisa clarifies. “Please.” 

A sort of understanding seems to flood over the nurse’s features, and Nagisa feels his face heat up from it. This sort of thing must happen all the time; she must be used to it. After all, to her, Nagisa must be nothing more than an unfortunate statistic. 

“Of course, Hazuki-kun. I’ll bring him in right away.” 

Nagisa heaves out a sigh and runs his hands across his face once she’s left the room. He figures he only has a few minutes to figure out how he’s going to explain this whole situation to Rei, so he'd better think quick. 

But really, what is there even for him _to_ explain given the situation?

 _Sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, Rei-chan, but I guess you were right about me being in heat that one time we knotted and guess what? You knocked me up! No worries, though, because I’m pretty sure I lost the baby anyways since I’ve been totally ignoring the fact that I was pregnant and not taking care of myself. Whoops._

Nagisa feels his throat tighten at that and he doesn’t really know why. In some morbid sense, he supposes he’s been given the easy way out, hasn’t he? Still, that reasoning doesn’t sit with him well. 

He doesn’t get much more time to dwell on it before someone’s knocking at the door again and three figures emerge when it opens; the nurse enters first and hands him his styrofoam cup of water with that same warm smile before taking her leave, and then an official-looking man in a white lab coat who must be the doctor enters. 

Rei hangs back awkwardly near the door, tentatively meeting Nagisa’s gaze and looking _immensely_ relieved as the doctor begins to speak to Nagisa in a low voice. 

“Hi Hazuki-kun. I’m Dr. Hitachi. Before we begin, I know the nurse told me you requested to have Ryugazaki-kun here sent in. May he be present for the discussion?” 

Nagisa takes a sip of his water and draws in a deep breath. 

“Yes. He’s the… he’s… the father.” Nagisa responds in a small voice so that Rei can’t hear. Which is actually probably sort of pointless, Nagisa thinks, since he’ll be finding all of that out in about two minutes anyway, but still. Nagisa thinks he’d rather have the doctor explain everything to serve as a sort of buffer anyway. 

The doctor nods knowingly (and that kind of irks Nagisa because, really, is he _that_ easy to read? Is his situation _that_ common?), before gesturing for Rei to come in and have a seat near the bedside. 

Rei looks to Nagisa, eyebrows scrunched up in that way that says he _knows_ Nagisa’s been keeping something from him and he’s very hurt and very confused by it; except this time, the expression is amplified ten-fold and Nagisa has to tear his gaze away and squeeze his eyes shut to stall the guilt that’s pounding steadily into his bloodstream.

The doctor has a seat next to a laptop on one of the counters and clicks a few buttons, skimming some sort of document that’s probably Nagisa’s chart before clearing his throat and cutting right to the chase which, honestly, Nagisa is very grateful for; rather just get it over with, especially considering all the stalling Nagisa’s been doing over the past few months. 

“So. Hazuki-kun, I know you were aware of your pregnancy at the time of your incident earlier today.” 

Nagisa hears Rei make a sort of strangled noise in the back of his throat that would probably be funny in any other situation. But not now. _Definitely_ not now. 

The doctor continues without missing a beat. 

“Upon your arrival, we determined a gestational age of approximately twelve weeks and six days, or just a little over three months. Initially, we suspected that you might be going through a miscarriage due to your early gestational age and the heavy bleeding. However, after thorough examination, we have concluded that, rather than a miscarriage, you are suffering from dysfunctional uterine bleeding as a result of an abnormal heat cycle. Essentially, your body didn’t seem to realize that you are already undergoing a pregnancy and was trying to initiate a heat cycle. Instead of creating the normal slick you might experience during a heat, the presence of a fetus ended up causing some pretty severe uterine hemorrhaging.” 

A small squeak escapes from Nagisa’s throat before he can help it, and a feeling he can’t quite place, but is by no means _bad_ , washes over him and he’s forced to slap a hand over him mouth before he can make anymore embarrassing noises. 

“After determining this, I ordered estrogen therapy for you, which has already been managing the bleeding quite well. We’ll need to keep you overnight to monitor your progress, but things are looking great so far and the baby looks healthy. Other than that, I just ask that you come into one of my colleague's obstetrics office near Iwatobi weekly for at least a month before you’ll hopefully be able to revert back to a typical monthly checkup, just to make sure things are okay, and that the baby continues to develop properly – I feel confident about a favorable outcome, but I would like to take precautions for now, as I’m sure you’ll understand. If you would like to discuss a potential _alternative_ route for your pregnancy, I ask that we hold off until next week to ensure that you’re healing properly. My nurse will set up an appointment and provide you with directions to the office. Any questions?” 

Nagisa’s not sure how much of the doctor’s speech he’s really _retained_ other than that he’ll live and that the baby is healthy and alive, but he shakes his head ‘no’ anyways. He needs time to process. He’s sure _Rei_ needs time to process and the doctor must know this, too, because he simply thanks them for their time and patience before wishing them 'good luck with everything'. 

As soon as the door clicks shut, a silence clouds over the room that Nagisa’s sure would be defeaning if not for the constant buzz of the fluorescent lights. 

Nagisa still can’t look at Rei and he knows he’s cowardly for it, but he supposes he can live with that. He’s been cowardly for the past three months, hasn’t he? Might as well be consistent. 

“Nagisa,” Rei breathes out so unsteadily that Nagisa is sure he must be shaking, but that’s okay, because Nagisa definitely is right now, too.

“I’m so sorry.” 

“What?” Nagisa startles and whips his head towards Rei so fast that it actually sort of hurts his neck. 

Nagisa startles even more when he sees Rei hunched over, knuckles clinging tightly to the fabric of his sweats. 

“I knew—” Rei gulps, and Nagisa can already hear the wetness of tears in his voice. “I _knew_ something was wrong. I suspected it _months_ ago, but I was too selfish to confront you. I thought it might be something like this, so I didn’t want to acknowledge it. I saw you trying to hide the nausea and fatigue and I didn’t want to believe what I was seeing so I just… I pretended I didn’t see _anything_.” 

“Makoto-senpai and Haruka-senpai came to surprise us this morning before your race and as soon as I saw them I just… I told them _everything_ , I told them about how we knotted, and how you weren’t looking well lately, and how I thought you might be going through either a… a pregnancy or a complication of some sort, and we planned to confront you about it after your race, but obviously I was too late. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Nagisa’s jaw goes slack at the admittance. Rei’s back starts to heave with the sound of sobs and in some weird, maybe _slightly_ sadistic way, Nagisa is touched. So he hadn’t been imagining all of the wayward glances Rei had stolen at him over the course of the past few months. 

Nagisa smiles softly, exhaustedly, and reaches out a hand to stroke along Rei’s quivering back. 

“It’s okay Rei-chan.” 

Rei shakes his head at this and removes his glasses to wipe furiously at his eyes. 

“It’s _not_ , Nagisa. It was selfish.” 

Nagisa hums thoughtfully. 

“Yes… _but_ it was also selfish of me not to tell you anything. I actually went to Rin about it a couple months ago… he made me take a pregnancy test and when it came out positive I swore him to secrecy and tried to ignore it. Obviously that didn’t turn out very well…” 

Rei finally turns up to look at Nagisa, eyes red and puffy and wet, and Nagisa is strangely glad that he’s exhausted his own tear ducts for now, and it’s finally someone else’s turn to cry. 

“Look. Rei, I’m not… I’m not going to ask you to get involved with any of this. It’s a lot to take in and I know you have so much to worry about already with university and everything, and… I don’t think I’m…” Nagisa licks his lips, considers what he’s about to say, before plunging forward in earnest, surprised at himself for the confidence in which he makes the decision, “I’m not going to go through with the, um. _Alternative_. I don’t know what I’ll do afterward yet, but… I’m gonna do this… pregnancy thing.” 

Nagisa thinks that probably sounded pretty lame, but he supposes he’s gotten the point across when Rei’s eyes widen in response. 

Nagisa is content with that, or as content as he _can_ be when he’s 1000% ready for Rei to agree that, no, maybe getting involved is _not_ the best idea when he literally just broke up with Nagisa a few months ago because things had already been intense back _then_ , before this ‘pregnancy thing’ was even happening. 

“Don’t ever—“ 

Rei starts, falters, frustration clear in the almost comically disjointed way he’s gesturing, and Nagisa tilts his head, indicating for Rei to continue. 

“Don’t _ever_ think that I wouldn’t take responsibility for this.” 

Rei locks eyes with Nagisa and his gaze is so strong-willed, so determined that it actually takes Nagisa’s breath away. 

“I’m not saying that I’m going to give up on my plans. And I’m not saying this means we should get back together or anything, because this is a very complicated and very delicate situation that I feel we need to go about very carefully and particularly so as to not disturb the balance of—“ 

Nagisa watches Rei fondly as he struggles through his logic, and he almost lets him keep going at it, just to watch the way Rei’s face is steadily beginning to resemble a ripe tomato. 

“I know, Rei-chan. I understand,” Nagisa lets him off the hook and can’t help but smile a little at the way Rei immediately rights himself and coughs self-consciously into his hand. 

“Yes. Right. Of course you would,” Rei nods curtly, business-like. “I’m aware that this will be a far from easy task, but like I said, I’m… I’m fully prepared to take responsibility, so. That is to say… we’re in this together now, Nagisa-kun. Correct?”

Rei abruptly, awkwardly holds out his hand, as if offering it up for Nagisa to shake. Nagisa looks down in disbelief, and he almost asks Rei if he’s being for real, but then he remembers that this is _Rei_ he’s dealing with. Of _course_ he’s being for real, and the sincerity of it all actually makes Nagisa _beam_ , in spite of what a complicated, difficult, _terrifying_ situation he knows they’re getting themselves into. 

So Nagisa supposes there’s really only one thing he can do at this point. 

“Yeah,” Nagisa agrees, and when he grasps Rei’s hand he feels like he’s replenished at least a fraction the light that he’d lost sight of during the last few months. 

“We’re in this together, Rei-chan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had a little bit of a block with this one since it sort of in a way determines how i'll go ahead with the rest of the story. but in the end, this felt right. told you guys i wouldn't be so quick with updates eventually haha! anyway, hope you enjoyed! :)


	5. Flying home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I see. Nagisa, are you firm in your decision?” His father's face looks so carefully blank that Nagisa is sure this is the final straw, that the wrong answer will change his life even more irrevocably than he had originally anticipated. Still, the only thing Nagisa can do is nod his head ‘yes’, and squeeze back onto Rei’s grip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw discussion of abortion

“That’s a very brave decision, Nagisa. It really means a lot that you’re sharing it with us!”

“Mn.” 

“Yeah! And to think this is coming from a guy whose normal diet consists of pizza and sweet bread… you’ve really grown up, Nagisa-kun!” 

“Hah. I dunno Gou, something tells me those pregnancy cravings are gonna end up hitting this guy _hard_ ….” 

Nagisa giggles into his hand, basking in the warm reception of his friends. He can’t really say he’s _surprised_ by the overwhelming support and tear-jerking acceptance he’d received from Makoto, Haru, Gou, and Rin upon telling them the news, because really, they’d been waiting for at least like four hours in the hospital waiting room to make sure he was okay and if _that_ isn’t a good indicator that Nagisa’s got the best friends in the entire world, he doesn’t really know what is. 

“Ah, well, be as that might, Nagisa _is_ going to have to start being more conscious of his health. I’m already planning on going to the bookstore this week to pick up a few comprehensive guidebooks on the omega pregnancy experience, so we can be informed on how to manage Nagisa’s health, diet, and exercise regiments—“ 

“ _Pffft_ , come on Rei-chan. If the baby wants a triple cheeseburger with extra mayo, who am I to deny them? Would you really be so cruel to refuse your unborn child _sufficient_ _sustenance_?” 

Nagisa lays his best pout on him. Rei sputters. 

“N-Nagisa-kun! I hardly believe that would qualify as _sufficient sustenance_ in any situation, especially in this one—!” 

Nagisa’s stomach cuts him off with a loud growl. 

“Ah, speaking of triple cheeseburgers, I think baby could go for one right about now…” Nagisa says slyly, patting his tummy to accentuate his point. 

His friends laugh, and Haru even looks like he’s trying to stifle a giggle. 

Rin claps a hand to Rei’s back. 

“Welcome to the next six months of your life, pal,” Rin sighs sympathetically while Rei groans and buries his face in his hands. 

“You’ll both get through it!” Makoto chimes in, supportively. “And you know we’re all here for you both. No matter what. Right, guys?” 

Haru, Gou, and Rin all hum in agreement and Nagisa _beams_. 

“Yeah. We know.” Nagisa replies honestly, gratefully. Rei picks his head out of his hands to glance over at Nagisa and they share a shy smile. Regardless of the unconventionality of his and Rei’s given situation, there’s definitely one thing Nagisa’s sure they can both agree on: they truly have some incredible friends. 

“Thank you all very much.” Rei speaks up, a little tightly, like maybe his throat is working to push down tears. “Obviously, our situation isn’t exactly… _typical_. So. Your support means more than you could ever know.” 

Nagisa nods in earnest, and the rest of the group just smiles in response because, really, their support truly does go without saying. 

The group shares a private, silent moment of understanding that makes Nagisa’s heart feel like it’s going to _burst_. He’s about to say so, too, when there’s a soft knock on the door and the same nurse from earlier opens the door, looking vaguely uncomfortable, and a little guilty probably for interrupting the mood. 

“Ah, Hazuki-kun. Your parents are here. Is it okay if I send them-?” 

Before the nurse can even finish her sentence, Nagisa’s father is prying the door open the rest of the way, pushing his way through and looking impossibly offended, with Nagisa's mother in tow, who looks like she’s about to burst into tears any second. 

Nagisa’s head is reeling. He instinctively fists his hands into his hair and breathes in deeply, because he knows what’s coming next.

“What do you mean ‘is it okay’?” his father inserts to the nurse, tersely, and Nagisa can see her wither from out of the corner of his eye. “Nagisa is _our_ dependent. We don’t need any sort of permission from _him_ to interfere in his medical affairs.” 

“A-ah. Right. Of course. I’m so sorry, sir. Ah, boys? Would you like me to escort you back to the waiting room?” The nurse easily reads the unwelcoming shift in atmosphere and Nagisa notes that his friends all let out sighs of relief for the opportunity to exit without confrontation.

They shift their gazes over to Nagisa, meaningfully, as the all start to make their leave – Haru nodding his reassurance, Rin applying a comforting pressure to his shoulder, and Makoto and Gou sending their well wishes with promises of seeing him soon at school and sentiments to get plenty of rest. 

Rei does that unsure, robotic thing he does when he’s nervous as he starts to stand up from a chair at the bedside, but Nagisa grabs his wrist before he can get very far. 

“Stay. Please.” Nagisa whispers, desperately, before he can even help it or think that maybe it’s not fair to throw Rei under the flame, too. 

Rei’s eyes flicker over to the door where the rest of their friends are leaving, then hesitantly over towards Nagisa’s parents, before they land back on him. Something resolved flickers in the deep sea of amethyst, and then Rei is licking his lips nervously before nodding and situating himself back into his seat.

Nagisa lets out a shaky breath of relief through his nose he didn’t even realize he’d been holding before smiling gratefully at Rei and mouthing an earnest, “Thank you.” 

Nagisa tries to mentally steady himself once the door clicks shut and the daunting task of facing his parents becomes all too real. 

It doesn’t work. 

When Nagisa turns to look at them, his dad is narrowing his eyes at Rei knowingly, threateningly, and his mom is dramatically rushing over to his side, pushing his hair out of his face. 

“Oh, Nagisa, my poor baby! You must be so exhausted. The doctor told us _everything_.” 

Nagisa feels what little blood was in his cheeks to begin with rush out, and he’s sure he’s gone impossibly white. 

“Are you feeling okay?” she asks, concern dripping from her voice. 

If there’s one thing Nagisa is grateful for in this moment is that, despite the strictness of his household on both his parents’ parts, his mother generally  _does_ genuinely put his wellbeing above anything else. That’s what gives him a small thread of hope that everything goes at least decently from here on out. 

“I’m okay, mom. I’m just tired. Rei’s been taking care of me,” Nagisa doesn’t know why he says it; maybe it’s a buffer, maybe its because he really feels like Rei deserves the credit, but either way, the acknowledgement makes his mother shrink back into the chair rather obviously, hands awkwardly recoiling to shove pieces of her white-blonde hair back into a messy bun. 

His dad is now boring scrutinizing holes in Rei’s direction and Nagisa’s not sure if he’s even taken his gaze off of him since coming into the room. Nagisa bites his lip and tries to lock eyes with Rei, try to comfort him, but Rei is too busy maintaining nervous eye contact with his father and tensing so hard that he’s actually starting to shake. 

“The father, I’m assuming?” his dad suggests, critically, direct as always, and Nagisa knows its not a question.

“Yes!” Rei answers a little too quickly, and a little too loudly.  

“Thank you for being here for him, Rei-kun.” Nagisa’s mother interjects swiftly, assumedly before his dad can get too cruel just yet. Nagisa sees his father seethe silently at the interruption before his mother starts speaking again, in what must be an attempt to smooth things over. 

“Ah, Nagisa – have you scheduled the termination yet? The doctor told us you’d have to wait a week to heal, but we should schedule it now, don’t you think? Should I call the nurse back in so we can set everything up?” 

Nagisa’s gut twists painfully. 

“Wh-what?” he croaks out because that’s really all he can find himself to do. 

“The abortion, sweetie.” his mother clarifies, patiently, like he’s a three-year-old learning basic counting. 

Nagisa looks back over to his left at Rei, grasping blindly for help or support or _something_ , but Rei looks just as taken aback as Nagisa currently feels, so all Nagisa can really do is work his jaw a few times at his mother’s eerily patient façade before he finally gets the gall to respond. 

“I’m not – I’m not getting an abortion, mom.” 

“Of course you are, honey.” Her head tilts just slightly to one side and her eyes bug out just a little bit and that’s enough for Nagisa’s thread of hope to snap clean in half.

“ _No,_ I’m _not_.” Nagisa counters and he immediately realizes that that may have sounded a little snotty and a little defiant because his mother looks absolutely appalled. 

“You’re delusional if you think you are capable of supporting a child. And even more delusional if you think you’re going to get any support form us. Monetary or otherwise.” His dad finally interjects and while Nagisa has certainly been expecting this type of response, it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t make his stomach churn angrily and fists ball up in frustration. 

“I never said I was! There’s adoption—“ 

“Then what is the point in embarrassing your family’s namesake with an unplanned pregnancy?”

Nagisa can feel bile threatening to rise into his throat so he takes in a few ragged breaths, which, unfortunately, only serves to spurn on what Nagisa can only identify as a panic attack. His teeth are suddenly chattering uncontrollably and his breathing becomes increasingly erratic. Distantly, he can hear his mother coo unimportant sentiments beside him. 

What finally brings him back is the heavy warmth of Rei’s hand on top of his own.

“With all due respect, sir, I believe that is Nagisa-kun’s decision to make.” There’s clearly a waver in Rei’s voice, but the resolve is there and it just about makes Nagisa melt. 

“Really?” Something challenging, dangerous flashes in his father’s eyes, but Rei maintains eye contact. 

“And what about you, Ryugazaki-kun? Nagisa has spoken highly about your ambitions in the past. A pregnancy would certainly complicate things, wouldn’t it? Wouldn’t that be unfair to you to not have a say in this situation given its potential to impact your future?” 

Rei’s grip on his hand tightens borderline painfully.

“It’s not my body.” 

“Yes, but it is your baby.” 

“Yes. That’s why I’m taking responsibility by supporting Nagisa-kun’s decision in any way that I can, rather than infringing upon his rights by way of petty manipulation.” 

His mother gasps and clamps a hand to her mouth and his father’s eyes narrow impossibly as his jaw sets tightly. Nagisa’s own nerves buzz wildly. 

“I see. Nagisa, are you firm in your decision?” His father's face looks so carefully blank that Nagisa is sure this is the final straw, that the wrong answer will change his life even more irrevocably than he had originally anticipated. Still, the only thing Nagisa can do is nod his head ‘yes’, and squeeze back onto Rei’s grip. 

“Right.” He adjusts the sleeves of his blazer meaningfully, eyes fully focused on his cuffs rather than on Nagisa. “Then I am firm in my decision to instruct you to leave my household.” 

“ _Dad_ —“

“If you think you are enough of an adult to carry a child, then you ought to be enough of an adult to live independent of your parents.” 

Nagisa’s mother is at his father’s side in an instant, whispering intensely, desperately, that he’s being unreasonable; that, after all, Nagisa is still _their_ baby, and they can work through this. 

And it’s then that Nagisa realizes that no, they can’t work through this. Or rather, he _won’t_ work through this - and maybe he’s just being rash or melodramatic, maybe it’s just his out-of-whack hormones talking, or maybe he’s just so emotionally drained that he needs to find a way to be _done_ with this mess, but whatever the cause, he can’t help it when the words come tumbling out of his mouth. 

“ _Fine_.” 

Rei’s breath hitches worryingly beside him.

“There are pregnancy shelters. Programs. I don’t care, I’ll figure something out. I’ll pick up my stuff tomorrow so just – just _leave_. Okay?” 

Nagisa doesn’t look up when his mother’s breath catches with impending waterworks and his father hums in disapproval.

“I said, _you_ _can_ _leave_. I’m done.” 

Nagisa doesn’t break down when the door clicks shut and he hears his father reassure his crying mother that "he'll come around". He doesn’t even make a move to wipe at the heavy tears rolling shamefully down his own face because, really, how could he have even vaguely expected any other outcome from parents who care more about their family’s reputation than their own son’s reality? 

“You’ll stay with me. You’ll stay with me.” Rei says, stroking his thumb across the back of Nagisa’s hand, and that’s that. 

* 

When Rei’s parents come to pick them up from the hospital the next morning, there are no questions asked other than if Nagisa is feeling well enough to ‘come home’ and if he’d like them to help pick up some of his belongings from his house, which Nagisa answers ‘yes’ to in both cases.

They seem to be up to speed on the situation, no doubt, courtesy of Rei. They also seem to have a handle on the delicacy of the situation, and for that, Nagisa is overwhelmingly grateful. 

When they get to his house to pick up his things, his parents, thankfully, aren’t home. Probably at a shrine praying for the esteemed preservation of their family’s reputation or something, Nagisa thinks bitterly. Rei and his parents help him pack up the essentials and when they arrive at Rei’s apartment, he is informed that he will be staying in Rei’s older brother’s old room and told to ‘make himself at home’. 

It isn’t until dinner that the subject is even broached and Nagisa is surprised at himself for being the one to approach it. 

“Thank you all so much for your hospitality. I’m so sorry for getting you involved in this. I…” 

The entire Ryugazaki clan is staring at him now, between forkfuls of noodles, and his heart swells at the warm smiles that grace Rei’s parents’ features in response. 

“I… I don’t know what else to say. Just. Thank you. _Thank you_.” Nagisa finishes lamely, but he supposes that should gets the point across. 

“Don’t mention it, Nagisa-kun. We’re happy to help in any way we can.” The crow’s feet around Rei’s father’s eyes crinkle with a smile and he exchanges a weighted look with his wife. 

“Yes, of course. After all, Shougo and I were around your age when we had Rei’s brother. It would be rather hypocritical of us to turn a blind eye, don’t you think?” Rei’s mother laughter is deceivingly light considering the weight of her words. 

Nagisa jolts, looks over to Rei for some sort of confirmation who only shrugs casually, and a little bashfully. 

“O-oh! _Oh_!” The pieces all click together in Nagisa’s brain and relief washes through him. “That’s _great_! That’s-!” 

Rei’s parents just smile, clearly amused, and Nagisa feels heat flush to his cheeks. 

“I mean—“ 

“No, no! No need to explain. Heaven knows, having support from someone who had gone through the experience would have been invaluable to me when I first got pregnant! Like we said, we’re happy to help and support you in whatever way you need, so please feel free to ask us anything. All we ask in return is that you keep us up to date with your decisions concerning the baby. All of us, including Rei, understand that any decision is up to you, of course! But we’d like to be as involved as possible so that we can help you pursue your options. Sound fair?”

“Yes! That sounds fair! So fair. Like ridiculously fair!” Nagisa gasps, and that pinprick of tears lining his eyes is back again, but this time it feels like a weight has been lifted off of his chest rather than dropped on it. 

“Thank you, Ryugazaki-san. Thank you both, this is… ugh. You are both just so cool.” Nagisa can’t help but gush, as warm tears threaten to spill. 

“Oh, honey, please. It’s Setsuna and Shougo – you of all people should know not to be so formal!” Rei’s mom – or, Setsuna, Nagisa mentally corrects himself, insists amicably and Nagisa nods enthusiastically in response. 

“Yes! Yes. Duh. Setsuna. Shougo. Thank you. Really.” 

“No more ‘thank you’s! We get it already!” Shougo laughs, adjusts his glasses in a very Rei-like manner, Nagisa can't help but note, and makes to stand-up. “Now if everyone is about done here, it’s getting rather late and _someone_ is on strict bed rest until Monday.” Shougo looks pointedly at Nagisa. “Rei, why don’t you make sure Nagisa-kun gets to bed all right?” 

Rei coughs uncomfortably. “Father… I think Nagisa-kun is more than capable of finding his way to the bedroom—“ 

“ _Re-i_.” Setsuna lilts in a way that would probably sound harmless to anyone else, but Nagisa recognizes instantly as the tone she gets when Rei puts off the dishes in favor of studying. 

Rei heaves a heavy sigh along with a gritted out, “ _Yes_ , mother,” before gesturing for Nagisa to follow him up the spiral staircase opposite of the kitchen that leads to the second floor of the apartment. 

Once they’re upstairs, Rei opens the door of Nagisa's new room for him and shuffles his feet awkwardly. “Well. Here. My parents are right. You really should get some rest. Obviously, it’s been… a long few days.” 

“Yeah, I know. I’m planning on it,” Nagisa says, and then because he can’t help himself, “How come you never told me? That your parents had your brother so young?” 

Rei immediately flushes and gulps in response before finding his voice. 

“I just. I never really thought it was very important.” 

Nagisa is quiet for a long moment, gears turning in his mind, and Rei looks like he’s about to make his escape when it Nagisa's mind floods with sudden understanding. 

“Is that why you were always so nervous?” Nagisa asks softly and Rei narrows his eyes in confusion. 

“About knotting.” Nagisa clarifies, impossibly quieter.

“Um…” Rei starts and Nagisa is already hanging onto his every word, despite the fact that he hasn’t really even said anything yet. 

“That's. Um. Partly. Yes,” Rei finally responds, but Nagisa feels like there’s probably more he’s not saying so he just keeps staring expectantly. 

Rei sighs, licks his lips before continuing, “I know my parents are acting kind of… blasé. About… everything. But having my brother that young was really difficult for them. They fought really hard to get onto their feet to be able to support him because _they_ didn’t have any support from their parents, which is probably why they’re being so sympathetic about… about _our_ situation.” 

“Things weren’t easy, and they lived with friends for awhile. Luckily my dad was able to find a great marketing job and work his way up right out of high school, but obviously things aren’t really _like_ that anymore. They reminded me of that all the time when I first started dating you because I guess they could _tell_ that we had such a strong bond and I’m sure they knew we were bound to knot sooner or later, but… Still, I’m sure they wish that we had been more careful about it.” 

“I mean, you know my parents; they’ll support us, and support _you_ no matter what you decide, which is great, but… in the end this is _our_ responsibility. Not theirs.” 

Nagisa narrows his eyes, confused, and his chest constricts inexplicably. 

“I guess what I’m trying to say is that— I don’t want you to get any… unrealistic expectations based on my parents' support or their… personal experience. Obviously, I’m going to support you as well, no matter what you decide and I will do my very best to accommodate you financially for that once I start school and find a job, but. I still have my goals and I am… _very_ committed to achieving them even given our current predicament.” 

When Nagisa can only stare at him for a few moments, Rei tacks on lamely, “That’s ah. All I’m trying to say.” 

Nagisa's nerves fizzle hotly. Have they not been through this exact conversation twice already? Nagisa is fairly certain that he had conveyed a full understanding of the situation to Rei _both_ times. Does Rei seriously think that lowly of him? That he needs to rely on the possibility of he and Rei getting back together again to be able to even _entertain_ the idea of getting through this pregnancy? 

“You know what, Rei—“ Nagisa spits out and even though he can _feel_ the venom on his tongue, he doesn’t even try to contain it because, over-active hormones or not, Nagisa is _going_ to say his piece either which way. “I _get it_. I _get_ that your goals, your ambitions, your career path, _whatever_ , clearly does not involve me. We’ve been over this already. I’m not going to try to swindle you back into a relationship with me when you feel like you can't handle or don't _want_ to handle it or whatever. I’m not going to hold the possibility of me keeping this baby over your head as leverage or whatever it is you think I’m going to do. I _know_ we’re not going to have a fairytale ending. And that’s fine. But you know what? If I _do_ decide that I want to keep this baby, you’re going to have to at least deal with the fact that _I will be involved in your life in some capacity._ So I’d really appreciate it if you could stop accusing me of being stupid and delusional and whatever else it is that you think I am, especially when _you’re_ the one who invited me to stay with your family in the first place. But I guess that was probably just out of _responsibility_ anyways. Right?” 

Rei makes a rather affronted choking noise, and it's actually sort of satisfying. 

“So _yeah_. You don’t have to keep reminding me of how terribly us being together would ruin your future plans. Because for the third fucking time, I get it. So _please_ can we stop having this conversation when I am going to be staying here with you and your family for at least the next six months? _Please_?” 

Nagisa’s breath is coming out in short, ragged puffs of air, and Rei’s jaw is working so pathetically to find words he looks like a fish trying to gulp down water on dry land. 

“I-I… I’m sorry, Nagisa-kun. I just… I wanted to make sure that the nature of our situation didn’t end up leading you to believe anything potentially unrealistic—“

“ _No_ , Rei. For the third time already, I think I got the message,” Nagisa inserts blithely. 

Rei stands glued to his spot in what has to be shock or fear or a combination of both and for some reason that _really_ ticks Nagisa off. 

“Don’t you have _entrance exams_ to study for or something?”

“A-ah. Yes. Yes. I-I do. Um. I’m _really_ sorry. Let me know if you need anything, okay? G-Goodnight, Nagisa-kun.” 

Nagisa only heads into his room once Rei ambles down the hallway, clearly shaken, and he gets the intense urge to slam the door shut for dramatic effect. 

And he does, because he can’t seem to help himself, before he immediately dives into the bed to scream bloody-murder into a pillow. 

It’s going to be a _long_ six months.

 


	6. That old feeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A shiver unlike anything Nagisa has felt before rakes down his spine and there’s a flutter in his stomach that could easily be mistaken for butterflies, but he knows better.

Despite having gone through all of the formalities that go along with being 18 and pregnant, such as informing school supervisors of his condition, starting prenatal vitamins, switching over to Rei’s parents’ health insurance plan, and special-ordering maternity uniforms for school, it takes awhile for Nagisa to really ‘feel’ pregnant.

Even when he’s heading to a local obstetrics office weekly during his third month of pregnancy, courtesy of the irregular heat cycle that got him into this mess in the first place, the reality of the situation refuses to set in. He goes every Wednesday after school, alone, and Rei swears he would come with him, except that he’s recently started up a weekly study group with some of their classmates who are also concerned about entrance exams, which happens to conveniently and suspiciously fall on Wednesdays. Nagisa shrugs it off, maybe a bit bitterly, but the fact of the matter is that he and Rei are back on shoddy speaking terms once again anyways, no doubt due to Nagisa’s hormonal rampage the other month which, well, Nagisa thinks Rei sort of deserved anyway so he tries not to be bothered by the way Rei is now either walking on egg shells around him at home or borderline ignoring him at school – like taking lunch in the library to get in extra study time. But Rei pulls his weight where he needs to; he asks if Nagisa ever needs anything when they’re at home, if he’s doing okay when he looks a little tired or pale, and even scopes out seats for him on the morning train and opens the doors for him when they arrive at school. He’s a perfect gentleman, as always, and even if it’s only out of obligation, Nagisa supposes it’s enough. 

But despite all of that, Nagisa isn’t truly convinced of his pregnancy until he actually has to start busting out the maternity uniforms. 

It happens on a chilly November morning at 19 weeks. It’s a morning like any other as of late; he’s getting ready for school, stuffing himself into his slacks, in the process of forcing the clasps together. Sure, they’ve maybe it’s been a _little_ bit of a tight squeeze recently, but its nothing Nagisa can’t handle with determination and just a bit of sucking all of the air out of his lungs. Except today, the clasps don’t even reach halfway across his distended stomach and, well, _that’s_ new and _sort of_ horrifying and _definitely_ a problem. 

When Nagisa howls at the top of his lungs in frustration, Rei is bursting into his room not a second later, with his shirt only half buttoned and looking a frazzled mess. 

“Wh-What’s going on?! Do we need to go the hospital? Is everything o—kay….” Rei trails off when they lock eyes and he takes note of Nagisa’s current position, sprawled out on the bed with his hips raised in the air, hands trying in vain in one last attempt to force his pants closed. 

“Um.” 

Nagisa heaves out an irritated sigh before bouncing back down onto the bed and throwing a melodramatic arm over his face. 

“They don’t fit,” he explains, sorrowfully, and even though he knows Rei probably won’t know how to respond to that in the slightest, he can’t really bring himself to care through his sulking. 

“Oh,” Rei says, sounding perplexed. “Um. Didn’t we order maternity uniforms the other month?” 

“ _Yes_ , but… _ugh_ ,” Nagisa whines despairingly and pushes his forearm up over his forehead to look at Rei, who looks puzzled beyond all reason. “You don’t get it, Rei. They don’t… they don’t _fit_ ,” he coos, sadly, tiredly, because Rei doesn’t _get_ it, and actually Nagisa doesn’t actually really get it himself, but he’s sure the way he’s starting to blubber quite embarrassingly is completely justified. 

“No! No, hey, hey, _hey_ …” Rei approaches, and sits at the edge of the bed next to him, hesitating a bit before patting Nagisa’s knee in a way that’s probably supposed to be reassuring, but just ends up being really jerky and awkward. 

“It’s-it’s okay, Nagisa-kun. It’s a big change—” 

“ _Big_ is an understatement…” Nagisa cuts in, gingerly spreading his hands over the swell of his bare belly and wincing at just how big it looks when he splays out his fingers across the surface. 

“S-Sorry. Poor choice of words. But… I was _going_ to say, I read in a pregnancy guidebook the other day that for a lot of people, they don’t really start feeling pregnant until they have to switch to maternity clothes. It makes a lot of people feel like they’ve lost control of their body and there’s nothing they can do about it. Which, predictably, isn’t a very easy thing to have to go through. It’s a really emotional time for a lot of pregnant omegas and beta women, especially with the increased levels of hormones; there were actually quite a few first-hand narratives about it in the book, so… it’s-it’s okay to feel like that. It’s a rather common response.” 

Nagisa snivels a little more before he realizes he’s actually sort of impressed by Rei’s handle of the situation. “How come you didn’t tell me you got those books? I thought you were too busy with your study group and stuff.” Nagisa sniffles. 

“Ah. I told you back at the hospital that I intended to purchase a few.” Rei counters, a little haughtily, like he’s offended that Nagisa thought he wouldn’t go through with it or something. 

“ _Yeah_ , but… I thought you would have like… nagged me about it by now, like you said you were going to…” Nagisa mumbles, not sure why he’s suddenly so miffed that Rei hasn’t been _nagging_ him of all things because he’s pretty sure this would have come as a blessing from the heavens before he got himself knocked up. 

“I—!!” Rei splutters indignantly and Nagisa can’t help but smirk a little at the way his cheeks color. “I figured you could use your space after… the other month.” Rei explains quickly, picking at one of the undone buttons on his shirt. “ _Besides_ , both of the paternal guidebooks I read stated that it would be advisable to let the carrier set the tone of pregnancy, so long as it didn’t involve any destructive habits, so. As far as I can tell, you’ve been doing alright without _my_ interference.” 

Nagisa hums thoughtfully. “Yeah. Your mom’s been helping me a lot, anyways. She keeps sneaking healthy stuff into my bento. But not like, gross, green stuff like you always used to do… like, sweet potatoes and candied walnuts and stuff. I guess it’s supposed to be good for the baby.” 

Rei makes a squawking noise that sounds half offended and half amused. 

“Well. I’m glad.” Rei finally settles on, and he smiles wistfully down at Nagisa. The warmth behind Rei’s expression reminds Nagisa so much of the way Rei used to look at him when things were good between them that he can’t help but return the smile in spite of the way his heart twists painfully at the nostalgia of it all. 

They stare at each other like that for an impossibly long, impossibly tragic moment before Rei must realize what they’re doing and finds it in himself to theatrically tear his gaze away from Nagisa and bound off of the bed and over to the door. 

Nagisa covers his mouth to hide the way he can’t help but giggle. 

“Well. I’d better finish changing. You, too – we’re going to be late at this rate. And I’m sure breakfast is getting cold. It smells like mother made bacon, so…” Rei trails off, hovering awkwardly near the door. 

“Awesome! I better hurry then, huh? Before your dad eats all of it again…” 

“Right.” 

Nagisa starts to peel himself off the bed, with some difficulty that kind of makes him feel like a turtle landed on its shell, and he shudders to think how much worse its going to get if he’s already feeling like this at a week short of five months. 

Rei nods, all curt, business-like, before promptly turning on his heel to head back to his room. 

“Um!” Nagisa yells after Rei before he can get too far. He looks back over his shoulder from down the hall at the exclamation. 

“Thanks Rei-chan.” Nagisa says, sincerely, and the words feel sort of weird coming from his mouth because he honestly doesn’t think he’s referred to Rei as Rei- _chan_ in a solid two months. 

Rei must feel the same way judging by the way he tenses up before breathing out audibly through his nose, probably in a conscious effort to relax. 

“Sure. Any time.” 

Once Rei’s door shuts, Nagisa can’t help but scrape his nails through his hair and groan in frustration. Why do things have to be so emotionally complex when you’re living with your baby daddy and his parents with totally platonic intent? 

“Dah!” Nagisa cries out softly as he pulls open a drawer to dig out his new uniform. 

He shucks off the ill-fitting pair of slacks currently stretching their limits about his hips, then tugs on the new pair with such refreshing ease that he’s barely even bothered by the fact that it has an elastic waistband. 

The maternity shirt and sweater-vest are so big he may as well be swimming in them at this point, so he opts for the old pair for now. His button-up is starting to strain just a _little_ bit and the sweater-vest lines the roundness of his belly pretty obviously, but he can’t really be bothered to care too much; not when there’s bacon to be eaten downstairs. 

Nagisa smiles to himself as he makes his way to the kitchen, trying to convince himself that his elevated mood is exclusively as a result of the scent of bacon that wafts over his senses, and absolutely _not_ due to the fact that he and Rei had just shared their first normal conversation in _months_. 

Yeah. It’s _definitely_ the bacon that makes Nagisa feel like he’s floating on cloud nine. No question about it. 

* 

The following Wednesday marks Nagisa’s official fifth month of pregnancy, which is a milestone in quite a few ways. The doctor had told him last month that, not only would his 20 week visit put him at halfway through his pregnancy, but they would also perform an ultrasound that could determine the sex of the baby, which Nagisa figures is supposed to be a big deal, judging by the omegas and beta women he’s seen in the office toting around their entire families for the occasion of said appointment. Nagisa isn’t really sure how he feels about it yet, since he’s sure he’ll be flying solo at today’s appointment, as always, and he isn’t too sure whether or not he really _wants_ to know the sex of the baby, in part because he’s still not sure if he’s putting the baby up for adoption or not and he _knows_ he needs to decide soon, but really can’t bring himself to, or rather, refuses to even think about it. 

Five months of pregnancy also marks the day Nagisa can officially no longer hide it from his classmates. There’s been plenty of speculation, sure, but Nagisa hasn’t done much to feed the flames of gossip other than sporting a suspiciously round abdomen. This morning, he was finally forced to upgrade to his maternity shirt and sweater-vest after a button off of his old shirt decided to give and fly somewhere across the room almost immediately upon Nagisa _thinking_ he’d clasped it. His new shirt is same style as the typical Iwatobi uniform, but it doesn’t have buttons and it’s sort of stretchy and elastic-y and practically _screams_ maternity wear, and Nagisa is more grateful than ever for his long withstanding habit of sporting that sweater-vest to cover the offending article of clothing. 

Still, his classmates are privy to the sudden change in his garments’ sizing, which, coupled with the way his belly has been rapidly outgrowing his old uniform, they seem to have it _all_ figured out. 

So when Nagisa walks into class this morning and all eyes land on him before the room breaks off into not-so-inconspicuous whispering (‘Whoa, did he go up a size?’ ‘I think so, but I can totally still see his belly…’ ‘Maybe he’s just getting fat?’ ‘No way, he totally smells different, too. Definitely preggo.’), Nagisa decides that enough is enough. 

Rei had peeled off from him a few moments earlier to return a book to the library before class, so Nagisa quickly decides if there’s ever an opportune moment to make an announcement, it _has_ to be this one. 

Nagisa stalks to the front of the room and briefly entertains the idea of climbing up on the teacher’s desk; in any other situation, a total no-brainer, but given the circumstances he thinks the better of it and mentally pats himself on the back for being so mature in his decision-making – yet another milestone for today, Nagisa thinks. 

“Hey, good morning, everyone!” Nagisa starts, boisterous and cheerful as his classmates _know and expect_ him to be, except this time, the attention he receives for his efforts are a lot less enthusiastic than he’s used to and a lot closer to cold, dead, anticipatory silence. Alright, he can work with that. If answers are what his classmates want, Nagisa thinks, answers are what they’re going to get. No point in beating around the bush. 

“I’ve been hearing a lot of _talk_ going on about me lately, so I thought I’d clear some things up, alright?” 

Nagisa can _feel_ the way his classmates wait on bated breath. 

“I _am_ pregnant.” 

Collective gasping. 

“Obviously it’s getting sort of hard to hide, heheh!” Nagisa laughs, as good-naturedly as he can, given the situation, and he cradles the underside of his belly with his hands to accentuate his point. 

“So go ahead, spread it around, that’s fine! Just. No more whispering, kay? You’ve heard it directly from the source, so I dunno what more you could ever want! Thanks!” Nagisa forces his face to light up with the most charming smile he can muster and he half-heartedly throws out a peace sign before he tries to head over to his desk. 

Key word: _Tries_. 

Before he can even take two steps forward, he’s being bombarded by enough of his classmates to form a barrier between the teacher’s desk and the rest of the room, and shit, maybe he should have thought that one through a little better; he takes a mental note to cross ‘good decision-making’ off of today’s list of milestones. 

“Oh my gosh! I knew it! How far along are you?” One girl with pigtails squeals, getting uncomfortably close to his face. 

“Is Rei-kun the father? He has to be, right? But I thought you guys broke up awhile ago?” Another girl asks, frantically gesticulating, and before he knows it he’s getting bombarded with so many questions, he _literally_ can’t even begin to respond. 

“Hey, hey, guys! Class is starting soon, we should really—“ Nagisa tries to interrupt, manage the chaos, but to no avail. 

“Does this have to do with what happened at swim club regionals? My buddy on the team told me about it!” 

“Is it a boy or a girl? Are you keeping it? What are you gonna name it?” 

Claustrophobia starts to set in and Nagisa is getting desperate for a way out. He leans back against the desk, tries to breathe through the panic coursing through his nerves. He’s about to play labor, pretend he’s about to have the baby or something to at least get some _air_ or enough room to escape, but luckily (or perhaps unluckily) it doesn’t come to that. 

“Hey! What the hell is going on?” 

The voice that cuts in is so rough and threatening that Nagisa has half a mind to think it’s their teacher, but he knows better. He remembers that tone well, could never forget the growl that follows suit, because even though he’s really only heard it a handful of times, it played a big enough role in the conception of the baby he’s carrying for it to be ingrained in his senses for at least the rest of his life time, if not well into his next. 

The crowd around him finally parts to reveal one alarmingly imposing, and unquestionably alpha, Rei Ryugazaki. 

“ _Well_?” Rei presses, impatiently, when he gets little more than a few gasps and an ‘oh crap, I always forget he’s an alpha’.

“Nagisa told us he’s pregnant! We just had some questions, no big deal! Chill out, okay?” Pigtails girl has the nerve to speak up, and Rei is in her face in an instant, body wedged protectively between her and Nagisa. 

Rei releases another unrestrained growl and it’s enough for at least the omegas in the crowd, and most of the betas, to scatter back to their seats, proverbial tails in between their legs. Nagisa can’t even help but instinctively close in on himself in submission. “What the _hell_ is wrong with you people? An omega tells you he’s pregnant and you _harass_ him about it? You’re all _disgusting_!” 

One last growl is what it takes for the stragglers, whom Nagisa can pretty easily identify as the alphas, to retreat, hands held up in resignation, to show they don’t intend to start anything, God forbid, physical. 

“Rei-chan, it’s fine, they were just curious,” Nagisa starts, tugging at Rei’s sleeve. Rei whips around to face him, eyes looking so wild and dangerous, and growling so fiercely that it makes Nagisa’s instincts run on autopilot; he whimpers high in his throat before tucking his head down far into his chest, and tries to back even further into the desk he’s currently pressed against, so desperately that he ends up losing his footing and landing hard on his ass on the ground, immediately curling in on himself. 

“Oh—oh my God.” 

At Rei’s soft, remorseful words, Nagisa begins to unfurl himself, slowly, dimly realizing that his fingertips are shaking. 

“Nagisa-kun, I—“ 

Rei is also shaking as he starts to lean down to level with Nagisa, looking absolutely horrified, eyes bulging, and eyebrows twisted up tragically. 

Nagisa is about to try to reassure him, tell him it’s okay, everything’s okay, _he’s_ okay, but the words get stuck in his throat— 

“ _Ryugazaki-kun_!” 

“Y-yes, sir!” Rei springs back up into a standing position, back stiff as a board, as their homeroom teacher approaches the scene. 

“Just what the hell do you think your doing? You of _all_ students should know that threatening alpha behavior is _strictly_ forbidden on school grounds! Principle’s office – Now!” 

“I-I—“ Nagisa _hears_ Rei gulp. “I understand, sir. I am _so_ sorry.” He bows deeply, chances a sad, apologetic look over towards Nagisa before starting his way out of the room. 

“Wait! Sensei, wait, please.” Nagisa begs, and he can hear how pathetic he sounds, but can’t find it in himself to care too much. 

His teacher takes a deep, calming breath, before acknowledging Nagisa’s position on the ground and springs into action, carefully hauling him up off the floor. 

“Hazuki-kun, are alright? Do you need to go to the nurse? Or your doctor? That was quite a fall for someone who’s… carrying.” 

“I-I think I’m okay. I have an appointment later today, just… _please_ don’t blame Rei for this. I told the class I’m pregnant and everyone got a little excited, so… he was just protecting me and the baby. It was _instinct_ , you know he never gets like this.” 

“You know I have to take precautions, Hazuki-kun.” His teacher pulls a sympathetic face and that only frustrates Nagisa more. 

“But--!” 

“I’m sure the principle will let him off with a warning. He knows you two are… a special case.” His teacher explains in a lowered voice. “Have a seat. Let me know if you need to go to the nurse.” 

Nagisa sighs, nods, defeated, and finally takes his seat. The class explodes in conspiratorial whispers before their teacher yells at them to pay attention; so much for not adding fire to the flame, Nagisa thinks sourly. 

He tunes out his teacher running through the day’s plans, squeezes his eyes shut, and places his hands atop his belly. He starts to think that maybe he _should_ go to the nurse… after all, he did land pretty hard; there’s definitely a possibility that the baby got jostled around in there and the thought of that makes Nagisa’s heart beat rapidly against his ribcage. 

He sucks in a calming breath through his nose and releases it out through his mouth. When that doesn’t help still his nerves, he’s about to raise his hand, excuse himself to the nurse, when _it_ happens. 

 _Thump_. 

Nagisa’s eyes snap open. _What in the world_ \--? 

 _Thump. Thump._

Nagisa frantically runs his hands over the expanse of his stomach, pressing one palm firmly at the top, and the other at the bottom, holding his breath and remaining as still as he possibly can. 

 _THUMP_. 

“Oof…” Nagisa breathes out, shakily, and there’s really no denying after that one. 

 _You’re really in there, huh?_ Nagisa thinks, and he can feel tears well up at the corners of his eyes – of happiness, disbelief, and _relief_ above everything else. 

Suddenly he’s really looking forward to this appointment. 

* 

Although Rei had returned to class not 20 minutes after the ‘incident’, no doubt with only a strict reprimanding, Nagisa couldn’t quite catch him during class or lunch due to shameful avoidance on Rei’s part, Nagisa is sure. He’s still probably playing at it, too, Nagisa realizes, as Rei frantically attempts to pack up all of his belongings the moment the end-of-day bell rings. 

“Rei-chan.” Nagisa plants his hands on Rei’s desk and Rei yelps in alarm. 

“A-ah. Nagisa-kun. I—“ 

“Rei-chan, listen. I know you feel bad and I know you don’t really buy into the whole ‘instincts’ thing. But it _happens_ , and even thought we’re not together, obviously we’re in sort of a weird situation… I mean, I’m carrying your baby. That’s totally cause for getting protective—“ 

“I _know,_ I _know_ , do you honestly think I haven’t been reading up on these responses? As natural as they may be, it’s _no_ excuse to threaten _you_ into submission. A-and if I caused harm to the baby as well… I truly don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive myself—“ 

“Rei-chan, you said that last time this happened, number one. Number two, the baby is fine. I promise.” 

Rei eyes him skeptically and starts, borderline hysterically, “How could you _possibly_ know that--?” 

“It _kicked_.” Nagisa can’t even slightly repress the smile that splits across his lips. 

“Wha— _what_?” 

“Yes! Right after you left. It kicked a whole bunch right after I sat down, and I felt it at least like ten other times today.” 

Rei makes a few completely incoherent noises before relief washes over his features. 

“O-oh! Wow! Nagisa-kun that’s—oh thank goodness— this is just around when you’re supposed to be feeling it, too, that’s just – does it-does it _hurt_? Are you okay?” 

Nagisa has to laugh at Rei’s characteristic over-receptiveness. “I’m fine!” Nagisa smiles and Rei tentatively returns it with a small one of his own. 

“Rei-chan— come to my appointment today.” He’s not planning on saying it. It just sort of comes out but he _means_ it, especially after today. Regardless of his and Rei’s relationship’s current state of limbo, Rei clearly feels like he should be involved in this pregnancy, whether he’ll ever verbally admit or not – though Nagisa feels like the research, guidebooks, and instinctual outlashing probably serve as ample enough proof. 

Rei looks like he’s been backhanded. He works his throat a few times before weakly trying, “Well. I have—“ 

“I _know_ you have study group, Rei-chan. I promise I wouldn’t ask you if it wasn’t important.” 

Rei narrows his eyes, confused, and he looks like he’s about to ask Nagisa what he means, except then his eyes suddenly light up and his eyebrows crumple with guilt. 

“ _Oh_. Today’s the big ultrasound, isn’t it?” 

Nagisa nods; he guesses all of that reading paid off considering Nagisa hasn’t spoken a word to him concerning the nature of today’s appointment. 

“Um. Okay. Yes. I’ll accompany you. Let me just contact my study group to let them know I won’t be present.” 

“Sure!” Nagisa is _very_ quick to agree. 

Rei adjusts his glasses, pulls out his phone from his bag and quickly taps something into it with conviction, and, well, that’s sort of nice, Nagisa thinks. 

“Alright. Shall we?” Rei gathers the rest of his things and gestures for Nagisa to lead the way. 

“We shall!” Nagisa sticks his tongue out playfully before leading the way out. And interestingly enough, with Rei by his side, there seems to be a whole lot less whispering. 

* 

The office is pretty slow today as it tends to be on most Wednesday afternoons, save for a few regulars who Nagisa has gotten to know pretty well (along with the office staff, Nagisa informs Rei; after all, he makes sure to note, he’s pretty much ‘VIP’ at this place after his weekly visits during his third month – the staff laughs along with him and he elbows Rei as if to say ‘see?’). 

It’s a decently short wait, and once they’re taken back to a room, the doctor speeds through his vitals and regular checkup to get to the main event. 

“So, Hazuki-kun, have you decided whether or not you’d like to find out the baby’s sex today?” Nagisa’s favorite physician of the small handful at the office (he seemed the least judge-y about his predicament), Dr. Inoue, inquires as he squeezes a dollop of icy lubricant on Nagisa’s bare stomach. 

Nagisa shivers at the chill of it. “I’m not sure yet… what do you think, Rei-chan?” Nagisa tries to get Rei involved; apart from basic introductions, Rei has barely said a word since entering the office and looks entirely at odds with this entire situation. 

“Ah. That’s up to you. Maybe you’ll decide once you see the ultrasound images?” Rei fidgets with his glasses distractedly, which Nagisa knows to be a surefire tell of just uncomfortable Rei must be feeling right now. 

Nagisa smiles for his troubles. He’s trying, that’s for sure. 

“Okay! Sounds like a plan. Fire her up, Doc! Let’s see this baby!” 

Dr. Inoue chuckles with a “sure thing” before taking hold of the wand and pressing against Nagisa’s belly. He swirls it around in the gel, spreading out across the surface. An image lights up on the screen shortly after and Nagisa is shocked to see what to _him_ looks to be the grainy silhouette of a fully-grown infant, albeit, expectedly on the smaller side. 

“Whoa,” is the only thing Nagisa can manage before the breath is knocked clean out of him. He glances over to Rei who looks just as entranced at the image, leaning forward in his seat to examine more closely. 

After a moment of stunned silence, Dr. Inoue launches into explanation-mode, which, Nagisa is amused to notice, has Rei sitting even _further_ on the edge of his seat. 

“Well, it looks like the little one is doing just fine. Heartbeat’s normal, growth is excellent, perhaps even a little on the fast track so it might be a good idea to anticipate a bit of an earlier delivery, just in case. So—oh! Did you see that? Someone’s waking up from a nap!” 

Just as Dr. Inoue says it, Nagisa _feels_ it, and startles a little from the sensation. It’s less pronounced than before, more of a fluttering than a solid kick, but still noticeable, especially when he can _see_ it happening. The baby outstretches its arms, tilts back its head and even wiggles its butt a little, which makes Nagisa giggle. 

“Wow. Even inside of the womb, they're already just like you, Nagisa-kun. Doesn’t stop moving,” Rei mumbles, sounding completely in awe and Nagisa hums contentedly in agreement. 

“This is certainly one of the most active babies I’ve seen in utero in awhile,” Dr. Inoue agrees and points out a few of the movements on the ultrasound image; where the heartbeat is, where the joints are located, and a ton of other medical jargon Nagisa gets totally lost in at some point and opts to just watch the baby in silence, but Rei seems to be completely taken with, as to be expected. 

“So,” Dr. Inoue changes track after what feels like hours of answering a ton of science-y, doctor-y questions of Rei’s, to which, as annoyed as Nagisa tries to be, he can’t help the way it tugs on his heartstrings a little. 

“What’s the verdict? Do you two want to find out the sex today?” 

“Yes.” Nagisa answers just barely after the doctor can get his words out, because as he watches his baby fidget around on screen and _feel_ it in his belly, there just really isn’t any doubt about it; besides, Nagisa has never been one for patience and four to five months is an awful long time. 

“It’s a girl,” Dr. Inoue smiles, wide and warm. 

“A girl,” Nagisa repeats, softly, mesmerized by the image of his baby—his baby _girl—_ finally stilling on the screen, save for her tiny heart continuing to beat on. 

Nagisa tries to meet Rei’s gaze, but finds his eyes are all but glued to the screen, looking just as awestruck as Nagisa feels and that sort of makes his eyes water just a little bit. 

“Congratulations,” Dr. Inoue gently cuts in after what feels like an appropriately long moment of stunned, but by no means unwelcome, silence. 

Dr. Inoue gives Nagisa a moment to say goodbye for now (“bye-bye little girl!”) before shutting down the ultrasound machine and printing out a few sonogram pictures for him as a souvenir. They part ways with a promise of Nagisa coming back to the office in a month and that’s that. 

Nagisa gingerly wipes at the dampness on his stomach with a cloth the doctor had offered him before parting. 

He feels like he’s in a dream or having an out of body experience or _something_ completely otherworldly, because he _knows_ he’s never experienced anything more humbling than the way he feels right at this moment. 

“Hey,” Rei quietly interrupts Nagisa’s thoughts, scooting his chair over a little closer to the examination bed. “Can I see?” he gestures to the pictures. Nagisa nods, and Rei slides in even closer then, close enough for his breath to tickle the hairs on the back of Nagisa’s neck. Nagisa draws in a steadying breath, doing his best to shake off the way their closeness makes his heart swell full to burst, before slowly carding through each of the images in his hands. 

“Hah! Look how long her legs are in this one. Someone’s gonna be a little track star, huh?” Nagisa teases Rei, risking a companionable shoulder bump. 

Rei _laughs_ then, loud and pure, and Nagisa doesn’t think he’s heard anything so glorious in his entire life. 

“But here,” Rei reaches over to one of the images poking out in the pile and pulls it to the front. “She has your nose. Like a little button,” Rei says, no amount of fondness lost from his tone. 

“Heheh. Yeah! I guess she does,” Nagisa trails off, lets the silence simmer warmly between them as they continue to admire the pictures. 

“She’s beautiful,” Rei says after awhile, so softly, Nagisa doesn’t think he’d have heard it if Rei wasn’t inches away from him. 

“I want to keep her,” Nagisa says, tearfully, unashamed, and with no amount of hesitation, because he _does_. 

Rei’s breath hitches, and he breathes something that feels like relief against the back of Nagisa’s neck, but in true Rei fashion, his words say other wise, albeit they can barely qualify as convincing in any definition of the word, “It’s a huge responsibility. A lifetime commitment, Nagisa.” 

“I know, Rei.” 

“A million times more difficult than these next few months will ever be which is… well, which is saying a lot.” 

“I know.” 

A beat. 

“Are you sure?” 

A shiver unlike anything Nagisa has felt before rakes down his spine and there’s a flutter in his stomach that could easily be mistaken for butterflies, but he knows better. 

“Yes,” Nagisa smiles, places a hand on top of the swell of his abdomen and shifts his eyes, cranes his neck slightly to look back at Rei. 

“Okay,” Rei says, eyes shining brightly, a small, sincere smile gracing his lips, so simple, but so genuine that it really brings tears to Nagisa’s eyes. 

“Okay,” Nagisa echoes and he _laughs_. It just sort of happens but something just snaps between them and every single emotion he’s felt in the past few months comes tumbling forward. He’s laughing, and crying, and then suddenly Rei is laughing and probably crying, too, judging by the wet sniffles he’s eliciting, and it’s so raw and so disgusting and so _beautiful._

They’re both sentimental bastards, Nagisa knows it, but in this moment, he really wouldn’t have it any other way.


	7. I get a kick out of you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rei’s eyes widen just slightly, and his mouth goes slack, a quiet, surprised breath escaping him. When the baby kicks again, Rei breathes out a laugh, and the third time she kicks, his grip on Nagisa’s belly firms up and his hands wander towards the underside of the swell, as if feeling it out for any other signs of movement. There’s a vague sense of intimacy in the way Rei’s fingers gently massage the skin there, and then there’s a definite sense of intimacy when he closes the gap between them, enough that Nagisa can feel Rei’s heated breath ruffle his hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you all had to see this cheesyass chapter title coming i was never strong enough to resist

It’s Christmastime at the Ryugazaki household, which Nagisa is starting to learn means _family time –_ like, copious amounts of family time. And well, Nagisa guesses he can’t really argue with it since, without fail, every single one of said family bonding activities comes laden with _lots of food_.

And lately, Nagisa can’t get _enough_ food, which has never been anything really out of the ordinary for him, but with his current planetary state, he’s finding stuffing his face to be an increasingly emotional experience. While decorating the tree last week with Rei’s family, Nagisa had managed to single-handedly devour the entire strawberry cake Rei’s mother had bought for the occasion, and was hopelessly inconsolable for a good hour after realizing what he’d done. 

Tonight is Christmas and Nagisa and the Ryugazakis are currently enjoying some cheesy cable television Christmas special – apparently, a Ryugazaki family tradition.  Nagisa is quietly munching on a bag of edamame crisps to avoid eating the Ryugazakis out of house and home – and edamame is something he normally _hates_ , but he’s starting to accept the fact that bizarre pregnancy cravings are indeed _very real_. He’s huddled in the corner of the living room in the recliner he’s practically taken up residence in since moving into his sixth month of pregnancy, as stairs are really starting to become an increasingly annoying task. 

As is also apparently Ryugazaki family tradition, are the two enormous buckets of Kentucky Fried Chicken and the generous display of Christmas cookies harmlessly spread out across the coffee table. Nagisa squelches the urge to shove at least five cookies and two chicken legs into his mouth simultaneously by shoving his hand into his bag of edamame crisps instead. 

“Nagisa,” Setsuna sighs from the couch adjacent to him, reaching over to the table to grab another chicken wing for herself. “Eat. Please.” 

“No!” Nagisa insists, a little too loudly and a little too quickly. Shougo snorts from his wife’s side, clearly unimpressed. 

“I just…. these are fine for now,” Nagisa maintains, even as he can practically _feel_ his mouth watering from the mingling scents of chicken and fresh-baked cookies (which is probably sort of gross now that he thinks about it, but again, he’s learning to take those cravings in stride).  

As if to prove his point, Nagisa makes a big show out of reaching into his foil bag – only to come up with a few pitiable crumbs. 

“Uwaah!” Nagisa yelps, and digs frantically into the bag as if more crisps will appear as a result of his sheer willpower. 

“Nagisa, please,” Shougo chuckles, and gestures to the spread of food upon the table. “There’s more than enough for everyone.” 

“Besides, we’ve _practically_ already forgiven you for the strawberry cake incident. Consider this redemption,” Setsuna supplies teasingly, and that actually makes Nagisa pout a little. 

“Heeey….” Nagisa whines, because he still feels really bad about that. 

“You know I’m just teasing, honey! You’re pregnant. It happens. You wouldn’t _believe_ how much I ate when I was pregnant with Rei... I gained at least forty pounds with this one,” Rei’s mother affectionately squeezes her son’s arm from his position on the couch next to her. 

“Mother…” Rei starts warningly, without even sparing a glance up from the textbook currently nestled in his lap. Nagisa knows he shouldn’t be surprised that Rei is studying on _Christmas_ and the first day of winter break, of all days, but something’s been nagging at him lately about Rei’s study habits. Nagisa was sure after making the joint decision to keep their baby, Rei would have become more involved in his pregnancy, but instead, he’s been studying even _more_ – something Nagisa wouldn’t have thought possible with the way he’d been studying before, but as always, Rei has managed to prove him terribly wrong. 

“Rei,” Setsuna shoots back in a tone that’s syrupy sweet, but somehow ten times more threatening than Rei will ever hope to be. Nagisa is always sure to take careful note of Setsuna’s near-flawless manipulation tactics. 

Rei’s attention shifts to that of his mother in less than one second flat. Nagisa never ceases to be impressed. 

“Please make up a plate for Nagisa.” 

Rei sighs defeatedly and makes to get up from the couch. 

“It’s really fine, I can do it myself—“ Nagisa makes an attempt to dislodge himself from his cozy corner of the armchair, only grunting in exertion a little bit. 

“Ah!” Rei is by his side in an instant, a heavy, but gentle hand on his shoulder to coax him back into his seat. Nagisa sees Rei’s parents exchange a weighted, amused look from the corner of his eye and something about that makes his cheeks _burn_. 

Apparently it has the same effect on Rei, too, judging by the flush slowly creeping up his neck. 

“Just. No need to over-exert yourself…” Rei mumbles embarrassedly, before distracting himself by loading up a plate with the two chicken legs and five cookies Nagisa has been dreaming of for the past twenty minutes. 

“It’s not like I can’t _stand_ , Rei-chan…” Nagisa mutters, equally embarrassed, as he accepts the plate from Rei. 

“I know,” Rei states simply, ducking back to his seat, trying to hide the way the tips of his ears go red by burying himself in his textbook (but Nagisa has a sneaking suspicion he’s not really _attempting_ to readit what with how rapidly he tries to blink away his embarrassment). 

“Um. Thank you…” Nagisa admonishes because he feels like he should, even if it makes Rei’s parents smile annoyingly knowingly at their child-like bashfulness. 

Nagisa has no idea where _that’s_ coming from, but quickly decides that there are now more important matters to attend to; like using his belly as a convenient table to accommodate his newly acquired feast. 

“Ha! Now that’s what I call resourcefulness,” Shougo laughs, gesturing the plate balancing atop Nagisa’s tummy. 

“Heheh, well… if she’s gonna make me eat so much, the least she can do is make the experience a little more comfortable, right?” 

The Ryugazakis all laugh at that, including Rei. Nagisa locks eyes with him and they smile shyly at each other before Rei abruptly interrupts the moment to go back to not-reading his book. 

All of a sudden it’s like they’re back to their pre-relationship days, right before they started dating; all shy glances and awkward interactions, and maybe a _touch_ of sexual tension (that last one he tries to push into the catacombs of his mind, because fat chance of _that_ happening ever again, in light of what happened last time). Well, Nagisa thinks, at least it’s a step – it’s just slightly more defined than the dysfunctional state of limbo they’ve been floating in over the past few months. 

Nagisa supposes he’ll have to work with what he’s got – and at the current moment, that happens to be a plateful of cookies and chicken legs that are begging to be crammed into his mouth at the same time — the collective, disturbed groans of the Ryugazaki family be damned.  

 

*

 

“Ugh…” 

Five hours later and Nagisa is curled up in a ball on his bed, clutching his belly despairingly; a result of what must be either horrible indigestion or one _very_ restless infant. Lately, Nagisa has been having a hard time deciphering between the two due to his most hated symptom of pregnancy thus far: gas. It’s absolutely disgusting and absolutely miserable, and of _course_ it starts to pop up shortly after the baby decides to start bopping around in there, because Nagisa _really_ needed the added confusion of whether the baby is just turning over or Nagisa is just really backed up. 

The decisive _thump_ on the side of his abdomen tells him that his restlessness is entirely a product of his unborn child rather than a bowel obstruction. 

“Mmmm… come on, baby girl…” Nagisa kneads his palm into the side of his stomach like he always does when she kicks like this – sometimes it calms her down, he thinks, and sometimes it doesn’t. 

“It’s time for bed, okay? Get comfortable for daddy. _Please_?” he coos softly, hand circling over the expanse of his tummy. He’s taken to speaking to the baby a lot lately; the fact that she’s so active (which was cute at first, sure, but is now getting to be pretty exhausting at one in the morning) makes the whole experience of being pregnant a lot more _real_ for Nagisa, and incites this incredible urge to reach out to her through words. Every little movement she makes is tangible proof that she really _is_ in there and that in a few more months, she’ll be _here_. And as intimidating as that thought is, the fact that Nagisa is already connected to her in such a real, intimate way, and has been for _months_ , is somewhat comforting. It warms Nagisa’s heart and he can’t help the smile that spreads across his lips, in spite of his incredible exhaustion that’s plaguing him as a result.   

When ten minutes pass and she’s still restlessly rolling around in there, Nagisa decides it might be best to give up on sleep for the time being. 

He hoists himself up into a sitting position and plants his feet near the nightstand so that he can use it as leverage to stand. 

“Augh! Alright, baby, you win,” Nagisa sighs, pats the top of his belly before interlacing his fingers and stretching his arms up in the air. 

“I bet you’re hungry again, huh?” He makes sure to keep his voice down as he ventures out into the hallway, worming a hand underneath his nightshirt to lightly scratch circles along the swell above his pelvis. “Even though we ate all that food earlier tonight… you’re gonna have as big an appetite as daddy has, aren’t you?” Nagisa sighs, laughing a little breathlessly as she kicks particularly hard, close to the junction of his hip. “Stop squirming! I’m going as fast as I can! You’re not exactly easy to carry around all day, kiddo…” 

He’s just stepped onto the landing of the staircase when that harmless squirming turns into something that feels more like a hand squeezing all of the muscles and organs in his lower abdomen and holy _shit_ that really hurts. 

“Ah!” Nagisa squeaks, loud enough for the sound to echo down the length of the hallway. He immediately clamps his hand over his mouth, clinging to the railing with the other before sinking to the ground as the sensation intensifies and migrates to his lower back, clamping down on the muscles there. 

“ _Shit_ ,” Nagisa hisses, massaging the muscles in an attempt to relieve the tension. He doesn’t know much about labor yet, but he’s sure this _can’t_ be it, not now, not when he’s only about six and a half months along. But if there’s one thing he knows about his little girl so far it’s that she _certainly_ has a mind of her own, so he guesses he shouldn’t be all that surprised if she decides she wants to show up a good two and a half months earlier than expected. 

Nagisa tries to steady his breathing, in through the nose and out through the mouth, but a broken sob comes out instead, and now he’s _positive_ that he must have woken up the entire apartment. 

Sure enough, a door is cracking open not a minute later, and the sound of footfalls resonates in the dark. 

“Nagisa-kun?” 

Just Rei. Good. 

“Mmmhmm?” Nagisa responds, tightly, still breathing through the pressure, which is just starting to ebb away. 

“What’s going on? Are you okay?” Rei sits next to him, rubbing soothing circles across his back. 

All that comes out is another pathetic whine and, while it’s sort of embarrassing, Rei certainly has the patience for it. 

“You’re okay. Breathe,” Rei encourages, and even goes so far as to count the seconds in and out (“In-two-three-four-five-six, out-two-three-four-fix-six”). 

A couple repetitions of Rei’s breathing exercise, and Nagisa is finally more or less okay. In the very least, his insides aren’t constricting in on themselves any longer. 

“Feel better?” Rei asks, hand instinctually moving up to grip the base of Nagisa’s neck, and it feels so natural that Nagisa can’t help but melt into the gesture. 

“Yeah…” Nagisa says after a moment of uncertainty, after he’s _mostly_ sure that he’s feeling better. “I didn’t think I’d start getting contractions until I got closer to my due date…” 

“Braxton-hicks. You can start getting them as early as twelve weeks, but they build in intensity later on during pregnancy. A lot of people end up mistaking them for pre-term labor.” Rei really is a walking pregnancy guidebook these days. 

“Okay, mister smarty-pants,” Nagisa smiles at the fuzzy outline of Rei’s face.   

“Shush.” Nagisa is sure that if he could see Rei right now, his cheeks would be a very impressive shade of pink. 

Rei stands and wordlessly offers Nagisa a hand. “Did you need anything? Water or…?” 

Nagisa accepts it, lets Rei haul him up by his elbows and starts making his way back towards his room, Rei treading uncertainly behind him. Nagisa abandons the idea of going downstairs; something tells him that stairs will not be his friend tonight. 

“Oh, no. Baby was just keeping me up, so I was just gonna go watch TV or something,” Nagisa flicks on the lights before frowning down at his baby bump, and lightly swatting at it. “Little brat,” he adds playfully as Rei closes the door so it’s just barely ajar, presumably to keep from waking up his parents. 

Rei is hanging by the door, biting his lip like he wants to say something. 

“What’s up?” Nagisa cocks his head in Rei’s direction. 

“She moves around a lot, doesn’t she?” 

“Never stops,” Nagisa sighs, despondently. Maybe that’s sort of an exaggeration, but its true enough. 

“Is she-… is she moving right now?” 

“Nah, but I’m sure she will –“ Nagisa laughs at the distinct fluttering feeling. “Never mind. Yes.” 

Something in Rei’s eyes lights up and his pupils dilate almost imperceptibly. 

“Can I feel?” he asks quietly. 

Nagisa feels himself jump a little at the question – not that he isn’t pleased by the request or anything. In fact, every time Rei decides to actively participate in this pregnancy other than reading guidebook after guidebook is a pleasant surprise, especially after the weird air between them earlier tonight. 

“Oh. Um, sure. She’ll probably kick in a second, she usually does after she turns around.” 

Nagisa pads forward and Rei meets him halfway, tentatively holding out his hand. 

“It’s okay. Here,” Nagisa smiles, grasping both of Rei’s hands and placing them on either side of his belly, his own hands settled on top of Rei’s. 

They stand there for a quiet moment, Rei gazing intently down at Nagisa’s belly, as if willing the baby to make some sort of tangible movement with his mind. It’s sort of amusing, Nagisa thinks. 

“Hold on, she’s moving a little but you can’t feel it on the outside unless she – oh! Kicks! Did you feel that?” Nagisa whispers excitedly, and searches Rei’s face for a reaction. 

Rei’s eyes widen just slightly, and his mouth goes slack, a quiet, surprised breath escaping him. When the baby kicks again, Rei breathes out a laugh, and the third time she kicks, his grip on Nagisa’s belly firms up and his hands wander towards the underside of the swell, as if feeling it out for any other signs of movement. There’s a vague sense of intimacy in the way Rei’s fingers gently massage the skin there, and then there’s a _definite_ sense of intimacy when he closes the gap between them, enough that Nagisa can feel Rei’s heated breath ruffle his hair. 

Nagisa laughs nervously at their closeness, and his mind urges him to back away, excuse himself to the bathroom or _something_ but his hands seem to creep up to Rei’s wrists on their own accord. 

“It usually comes in threes. She… probably won’t do it again for awhile, so…” 

Rei’s not listening. He’s nosing at the top of Nagisa’s head, inhaling the scent there as if it’s intoxicating. And, well, Nagisa thinks that it very well _might_ be, because sometimes he forgets that, as platonic as their relationship has been for _months_ now, Rei still is an alpha, and Nagisa is an omega, that he’s _Rei’s_ omega by all intents and purposes, considering the blaring fact that he was impregnated by him. 

“Rei,” Nagisa tries again weakly as Rei works his way underneath Nagisa’s shirt, tenderly stroking the skin on his belly, and nosing his way down to the scent gland near his jugular, growling low, possessive in his throat. 

“You smell amazing like this,” Rei groans, breathes in deeply, and Nagisa can feel the wet exhale from his lips just inches away from his skin. 

“Like what?” Nagisa doesn’t know why he asks, not when he already knows, but Rei’s pheromones are riling him up impossibly, dangerously, and he can’t help the way he cranes his neck, granting access for Rei to do as he pleases. 

“Like _this_ ,” Rei’s hands glide over the dome of his stomach in emphasis, before creeping around to the small of his back to press them as close together as he possibly can, despite the obstacle of the added weight in Nagisa’s midsection, and then Rei is licking a solid stripe up the side of his neck. 

Nagisa _moans_ and suddenly Rei’s lips are on his own, breathing into him, _licking_ into him and Nagisa grips desperately at the fabric of Rei’s shirt because his knees are buckling underneath him from the intensity of it all. 

Rei is quick to steady him by pushing him swiftly in the direction of the bed by the hips, persuading him into sitting on the edge before coaxing him back towards the headboard with hard, open-mouthed kisses. 

Nagisa spreads his legs and Rei is _there,_ erection pressing against his own through the thin cloth of their boxers. Nagisa whines into Rei’s mouth, and Rei takes the opportunity to plunge his tongue deep inside, the wet noises that result from it enough to make Nagisa buck his hips into Rei’s. 

Rei steadies himself by resting a hand atop the headboard above Nagisa, other hand exploring underneath Nagisa’s shirt; over his belly, up to his nipples (and _wow_ are they sensitive right now, Nagisa realizes with a strangled whimper), then dipping down into his boxers to palm at his half-erect dick and massage the circle of his steadily dripping entrance with his fingers. 

Nagisa’s eyes shoot open at the suddenly nagging feeling that they probably, _really_ should not be doing this. 

“Wait, Rei-chan—“ Nagisa is cut short when Rei’s fingers plunge swiftly inside of him, immediately working to scissor through the tightness of his muscles, which haven’t been stretched since the last time they did this. It burns, but it’s _good_ , even though Nagisa knows in the back of his minds that it is absolutely the pheromones talking – _just like last time,_ Nagisa thinks, and an unsettling chill rakes its way up his spine. 

“Rei-chan, _stop_ —“ Nagisa moans in spite of himself, hips grinding little circles down onto Rei’s fingers. “Hah- _aah…”_ Nagisa grasps onto Rei’s forearm with both of his hands, making some sort of halfhearted attempt to yank his fingers out. 

Rei stills, breath heavy and warm on Nagisa’s neck, fingers still nestled in the slickness of his hole. 

“Do you want me to?” Rei whispers hoarsely, his breath tickling the hairs on the back of Nagisa’s neck. 

Nagisa tenses, his muscles squeezing down onto Rei’s fingers, and _shit shit shit_ he feels so full now, and it’s incredible enough to make him force Rei’s fingers back deep inside, pulling Rei’s wrist into him now instead of out. 

Except Rei’s hand is still as stone, and that makes Nagisa keen so high in his throat that he isn’t even really surprised when Rei’s other hand comes up to clamp securely over his mouth. 

Rei finally pulls his head up from Nagisa’s neck, eyes hard, and skin flushed all the way down to his neck. 

“We can’t wake up my parents,” Rei scolds and Nagisa nods, Rei’s hand going with the motion. 

“Should I keep going?” Rei presses, eyes still hard, but also searching, nervous, and _conflicted_ and the fact that Nagisa can see that Rei feels just like he does right now somehow comes as an immense relief that makes this whole thing, whatever it is, feel a little more okay. 

So Nagisa takes in a deep, steadying breath through his nose and responds in the most logical way he _can,_ given the situation – by licking obscenely, messily into the base of Rei’s palm. 

Rei breathes out a quiet moan before removing his hand and plunging back into Nagisa’s mouth with his tongue, fingers pushing into him again, too. When he brushes up against Nagisa’s prostate, Nagisa literally _convulses_ in pleasure and buries a whimper into Rei’s mouth because, wow, it really has been long since he’s experienced this kind of pleasure, but this time around, everything is so visceral, and he’s sensitive _everywhere_ Rei touches him and _damn_ if _this_ is what pregnant sex feels like, Nagisa has been out of his goddamn mind to have waited this long to do it. 

“Rei-chan, please…” Nagisa keens, all breathy and high-pitched as Rei’s fingers circle inside of him exactly how he likes it, except he needs _more_ and Nagisa is pretty sure Rei feels the same considering the way he’s rutting insistently against Nagisa’s upper thigh, erection straining so hard, it’s actually starting to inch its way out of the fly of his boxers. 

Rei sighs shakily into the corner of Nagisa’s mouth, hot and heavy, before withdrawing his fingers from inside of him, which results in the most obscene, but also somehow the most arousing, squelching noise Nagisa is sure he has _ever_ heard in his entire life. 

“Can we—?” Nagisa starts, frenzied, hands going up to smooth up over Rei’s neck and tangling one into his hair, just because he can’t help himself, because it’s been _so long_ since he’s been able to touch Rei like this, so intimately, and even if it _is_ just the hormones or the pheromones or whatever talking, it still feels incredible. 

“Yeah,” Rei is right there with him, voice so low and gravelly that it makes a shiver crawl up Nagisa’s spine. Rei places his hands on either side of Nagisa’s hips, fingers catching in the elastic of his boxers. Nagisa lifts his hips up as much as he can with his belly weighing down on him, but Rei is quick to slide the garments down and off of Nagisa with little difficulty. The cold air on his leaking cock is more satisfying than Nagisa could ever hope to articulate. 

“Here, let’s—“ Rei grabs again at Nagisa’s hips and urges him to roll over so they can switch positions. Nagisa locks his arms around Rei’s shoulders and tries to lift his hips up to help, giggling quietly when Rei grunts in effort, hands clenching roughly into Nagisa’s ass cheeks in an attempt to get Nagisa to settle into his lap. 

“Oof,” Rei grunts when Nagisa lands heavily on top of him, belly pressing uncomfortably into Rei’s own stomach. 

“Sorry…” Nagisa unclasps his hands from around Rei’s neck, and presses his palms against Rei’s chest, gripping onto the fabric of his shirt to anchor himself as he shuffles backwards a little bit. He has a feeling that squishing the breath out of Rei might end up as a little bit of a turnoff in their current situation. 

Rei stares up at him, eyes clouded over in concern and confusion, and something about that makes Nagisa feel embarrassingly naked, despite the fact that he… well, he _is_ naked already. 

“It’s just,” Nagisa starts, feeling increasingly timid under the scrutiny of Rei’s gaze. “I know I’m a whale,” he says, softly, arms crossing instinctively over curve of his abdomen, despite the little nagging voice in the back of the head that assures him that he definitely should _not_ feel this self-conscious in front of _Rei_ of all people. 

Rei laughs quietly and Nagisa’s first instinct is to be incredibly offended and huff out something snippy like, ‘fat whales have feelings, too, you know’, but the words die on his lips when Rei kisses him so fully, so tenderly that it’s actually as if Rei is sucking the breath right out of him. 

 “It’s okay,” Rei whispers against his lips, hands gently clasping Nagisa’s wrists and moving them aside. Rei replaces them with his own hands, snaking underneath his shirt to smooth over his belly again, palms barely ghosting over the skin, as if it’s something fragile, to be cherished; Nagisa flushes when he realizes with a start that it _is_ , isn’t it? 

Rei leans back to admire him, _all_ of him, before gathering the edges of Nagisa’s shirt in his hands and motioning to lift it over his head. Nagisa lets him, and when the garment drops to the floor, Nagisa gasps at Rei’s expression as he takes in Nagisa’s prone form; affectionate, proud, but also _hungry_ , if his labored breath and blown pupils are anything to go by. 

“You’re beautiful,” Rei says, quietly, like he’s in a trance, and he spreads his fingers across the surface of his belly, cupping it gently at the bottom with both of his hands. Nagisa whimpers, because when is the last time Rei called him _beautiful_? 

“ _Rei_ ,” Nagisa whines softly, _desperately_ , scraping his nails over Rei’s shoulders, and apparently that’s the only encouragement he needs, because the next thing Nagisa knows, Rei’s lips are on his own again, and his hips are canting up invitingly. 

“Mn!” Nagisa wants to _scream_ when he feels Rei’s hard cock nudge up against his butt cheeks through thin boxers, but instead he buries his face in Rei’s shoulder to stifle a garbled moan. He presses himself firmly into Rei’s lap, grinding down in tight, aborted circles. Rei groans low and urges Nagisa up on his knees, and then Nagisa feels him pull his boxers down just enough so that his cock bounces free against Nagisa’s ass before catching on the puckering around his entrance. 

“Oh _God_ …” Rei breathes unevenly, hands pressing deep red marks into Nagisa’s hips. When Nagisa looks up, he sees that Rei’s eyes are squeezed shut, in a clear effort to _restrain_ , to which Nagisa just thinks _why_ , and shamelessly reaches down to grasp the base of Rei’s cock to push the tip firmly against his slick hole. 

“Okay?” Nagisa breathes against Rei’s lips. The only response he gets is a choked gasp from the back of Rei’s throat. Nagisa wants so badly to laugh, but for once, he contains himself for the sake of the fragile, but intense mood they’ve so delicately crafted.

Rei is staring intently down at Nagisa’s belly, probably even lower than, where he can see just _how close_ they are to doing this, to doing this _again_ , except this time there aren’t any stakes; not like before anyway, Nagisa thinks, being that Nagisa is already knocked up, so why _shouldn’t_ they do this? What is there to lose? 

When the unsteady silence between them sits for just a little too long, Nagisa has it in his right mind to sink down onto Rei’s cock himself. Before he can even make an attempt, however, Rei’s hands are sliding down to his backside, spreading him open, and then pushing intohim in one swift motion. 

It’s a miracle that Nagisa doesn’t cry out at the way his protesting muscles spasm at the intrusion, or the slight burn that comes with almost seven months of celibacy. Instead, he sucks in a breath to hold all of that noise _in,_ but Rei notices instantly. He lets Nagisa settle into his lap, get used to the feeling for a moment. They lock eyes, Rei’s pupils blown so wide the violet irises of his eyes is virtually gone, and there’s a quiet intensity bubbling inside of him that Nagisa is afraid he’ll shatter if he says anything. Instead, he leans forward, seeking out Rei’s lips for the first time tonight. Rei easily accepts, groaning into his mouth and stroking his hands up and down Nagisa’s sides. Nagisa shivers at the scrape of Rei’s nails against him. 

Rei unlocks their lips to trail soft kisses down the side of Nagisa’s face, down his neck, and gently suckle at his scent gland again. Nagisa moans low at how _sensitive_ he is there and the resulting heat that starts to pool in his belly compels him to start rutting his hips against Rei, sighing at feeling of Rei’s cock rubbing up deeper inside of him with each small movement. 

Rei growls against Nagisa’s neck, biting softly into the skin there. It reminds Nagisa of the last time this happened – the time they _conceived_ , Nagisa thinks dizzily, staring down at his baby bump – except this time, things don’t feel quite so dangerous. Rei is nibbling softly at his skin, not sinking his teeth into him like last time, and his growling is so quiet it’s almost like he’s _purring_ , and something about Rei’s delicacy with which he handles Nagisa this time fills him to the brim with some unexplainable elation and pure _want._ It makes him hump Rei’s lap a little quicker, a little more urgently, in a way that makes Rei gasp out and match Nagisa’s movements with his own, thrusting up into him every time Nagisa grinds down. 

They keep like that for a while, Rei licking at his neck, his hand soothingly stroking up and down the length of Nagisa’s back. Their pace builds gradually, Nagisa rutting a little quicker and Rei pounding into him with a little more intention, and soon it becomes enough to wear Nagisa out. 

Nagisa comes to an abrupt halt, crumpling under the exhaustion and the weight of his belly. 

“Nnnn, no… wanna cum,” Nagisa whimpers sadly, exhaustedly, and he can feel Rei try to stifle a chuckle against his neck. 

“Tired?” Rei whispers hotly against his skin and Nagisa shivers. 

“Nnn…” Nagisa agrees wordlessly, unconsciously massaging the top of his belly – a habit Nagisa supposes comes with having so much extra weight resting there. 

Rei presses a few last, chaste kisses to Nagisa’s neck before taking Nagisa’s face in his palms pressing their lips together gently. Nagisa can’t help but sigh into it as Rei takes his hips again and prompts him to lie on his side. Nagisa lets Rei maneuver him as he sees fit, lying limply in his arms as Rei repositions him. 

“Mmm… Rei-chan, are we going to _sleep_?” Nagisa whines, disappointed, but then Rei basically shoves his tongue into his mouth in response. They kiss like that for a little bit, slow and languid, but still _heated_. 

“No. We’re not,” Rei pulls back after awhile and rasps, and its then that Nagisa realizes that, oh, Rei’s dick is still very much hard and pressing very insistently into the side of his own stomach. 

“Roll over,” Rei instructs, pressing a wet kiss onto Nagisa’s chin before cupping the underside of his abdomen, and pressing lightly there, urging him to roll onto the other side. 

“I’m not a _dog,_ Rei…” Nagisa mumbles, but changes positions anyways, with the support of Rei’s gentle hands supporting his waist and arm through the motion. 

The second Nagisa turns around, Rei is _there_ , melding into his backside, cock rubbing lewdly between his cheeks, making obscene wet noises as it slides through Nagisa’s slick. 

“ _Aaah_ …” Nagisa moans, all breathy and high in his throat. “Put it _in_.” 

Nagisa presses back against Rei’s friction, and that’s all it takes for Rei to grab his dick and line it up before plunging in – but this time, it’s inch-by-inch, devastatingly slow. As badly as Nagisa just wants to rut back against him, stroke himself to a quick finish, the fact is, he’s just so incredibly tired and lethargic right now to do much else but lay there. 

Rei’s unsteady breaths graze warmly against the shell of Nagisa’s ear as he rolls his hips in and out and back in again. When his impatience gets the best of him, Nagisa tries to scoot back into the sensation, but as soon as he does, Rei places of a firm hand on the side of his belly, preventing him from squirming. 

“Relax, I’ve got you,” Rei pants, tenderly stroking along Nagisa’s side, the curve of his abdomen, his hip, and the added stimulus is enough to push Nagisa over the edge. 

“Oh my-oh my God, _ye-es—_ “ Nagisa hisses as quietly as he can as Rei rolls his hips forward and up, knot begin to form at the base of Rei’s cock, warm and full inside of him and, this time, _unbelievably_ satisfying. 

Rei grunts and inches backward, making like he’s trying to pull out before the knot gets too big, probably to avoid a similar situation to the last time they did this. But this time, instead of pain, Nagisa feels so much pleasure that he can’t control the sharp whine from escaping his throat at the impending loss of Rei’s growing knot. 

“ _No_ ,” Nagisa gasps, grappling behind him for Rei’s ass, and grabbing it hard and forcing Rei back inside of him. 

“ _Nagisa_ , I don’t want to hurt—“ Rei chokes, ragged, panicked, body going stiff behind Nagisa’s own, the hand of his hip tensing like he’s going to try to pry himself out again. 

“It feels _good_ Rei-chan, just— _nnnn god,_ please _— knot me again—_ “ Nagisa babbles desperately, hand kneading into Rei’s ass until Rei groans and starts gyrating his hips in little circles inside of him, knot expanding with every motion. 

“Fuck _yes_ —“ The combination of Rei’s fullness inside of him and his tip brushing just slightly against Nagisa’s sweet spot is enough to push him over the edge. He doesn’t even have to touch himself before he’s spurting thick ribbons of cum heavily onto the bed sheets. 

Rei isn’t far behind him, choking on a whimper before digging his teeth into Nagisa’s neck, bucking powerfully up into Nagisa one last time and holding himself there, _shaking_ in pleasure as he releases himself inside. 

Rei collapses behind Nagisa, arm draping securely around his waist and absentmindedly dragging his nails in small circles against the middle of his belly. 

“Mmmm….” Nagisa presses himself firmly against Rei, relishing in the feeling of his knot, full, warm, and _comforting_ inside of him. It’s everything their first time _should_ have been, even if it happened about seven months too late. 

Rei noses the nape of Nagisa’s neck as Nagisa threads his fingers through the hand Rei wraps about his waist. It’s nice. It’s _familiar_. 

Nagisa knows things won’t stay like this; Rei had done an impressive job of squashing any semblance of hope Nagisa had ever had about repairing their relationship to what it was before he got pregnant during these past few months. 

But for now, Nagisa thinks it might be okay if they pretend. An unspoken agreement makes itself known in the way Rei squeezes Nagisa’s fingers and languidly circles his thumb along the skin of Nagisa’s belly. 

Nagisa feels three solid kicks directly underneath Rei’s hand. In turn, Rei hums contentedly and presses a wavering smile into the back of Nagisa's neck. 

Yeah, Nagisa thinks, surrendering to heavy eyelids and forcing his brain to repress the nagging feeling that tells him otherwise; it’s fine if they pretend for now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol ok hope the surprise sex is enough to make up for the 60 years it took me to post this.
> 
> also i changed my username here bc i figure it's more consistent this way or something idk haha
> 
> OK i guess come yell at me on tumblr or something 
> 
> hentai-horseface.tumblr.com


	8. High hopes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nagisa is wrong a lot. He knows it. His friends know it. Rei knows it. But Nagisa also knows how to get out of taking responsibility for his mistakes. He’s the Master of Distraction and he knows very well how to use that title; forced piggyback rides, waterworks. But not today— today Nagisa has decided, is the day he takes responsibility for himself and for his child.

They don’t talk about it afterward. Nagisa doesn’t say a word early that morning when he feels the distinct creak of the bed beside him as Rei sneaks out of the room. Rei doesn’t say anything two days later when Nagisa crawls into his bed at one in the morning, opting instead to wordlessly and enthusiastically reciprocate the way Nagisa ruts against his thigh.

It’s been a couple weeks since then and the sex still hasn’t stopped. While Rei’s parents are around, things continue as normal – a little awkward, a little forced, but still mostly a fake sort of pleasant. When Rei’s parents are at work, or if Rei or himself is particularly desperate in the early hours of the morning, it’s like some sort of weird trance is urging them to get physical as frequently and as passionately as possible.

It’s late morning on the last Friday of break before school starts up again and Nagisa fully intends to take advantage of the last foreseeable day of this bizarre, unspeakable, sex marathon between he and Rei. He knows they shouldn’t. He knows _Rei_ knows they shouldn’t. But Nagisa figures what with him being seven months pregnant with Rei’s child and roughly the size of an over-inflated beach ball, maybe he deserves some lee-way on this one. 

“Rei-chaaan…” Nagisa barely gives Rei enough time to grunt his consent before he’s nudging open the door and padding his way over to Rei’s bedside, where Rei is neatly seated amongst an array of theoretical books and entrance exam pre-tests. 

“Mm? Yes, Nagi—h-hey!” Rei sputters indignantly as Nagisa plants himself firmly on top of Rei’s lap with little regard for the way Rei’s worksheets crinkle under his weight or the distant thud of textbooks hitting the floor. 

“ _Nagisa-kun!_ I am _studying!_ ” Rei scolds as Nagisa burries his face securely in the crook of Rei’s neck and nuzzles insistently against him. 

“Yeah, but I’m _horny_ …” Nagisa argues, pressing a soft kiss into the side of Rei’s neck before suckling gently on the skin there. 

Rei sighs against him, hands going to either side of Nagisa’s waist. 

“My first leg of exams are in two weeks, Nagisa… and I am _far_ too behind on preparing for the possibility of top tier university invitational’s,” Rei explains, but still tilts his neck to the side for Nagisa to trail kisses down. 

“Mmhm. You’ll do great. You’ve studied _so_ much, baby and I are _so_ proud,” Nagisa babbles distractedly, nosing against Rei’s collarbone. 

Rei tenses. Nagisa stills, breath ghosting over Rei’s skin. 

“Yes. That is precisely _why_ I need to study even _more_ than I had originally anticipated,” Rei replies tersely, a hand coming up to rub at his temple, and Nagisa’s stomach drops at the suspicious inkling that he’s about to get an ample explanation for Rei’s recent study-obsessive habits whether he really wants it or not. 

“What do you mean…?” Nagisa ventures timidly, lifting his mouth from Rei’s skin to level with him face-to-face. 

Rei’s eyes, previously clenched in frustration, burst open, pupils blown, expression borderline crazed in a way that instantly makes Nagisa shrink further back in his lap. 

“What do I _mean,_ Nagisa? What do you _think_ I mean?” Rei whispers feverishly, like Nagisa’s _stupid_ , like he should have figured this out _months_ ago. 

“We are having a _child._ You are carrying our _child_ , Nagisa! Our child who will be out in the world a short eight to ten weeks from now and we need to figure out how to _provide_ for her.” 

Nagisa flinches. “I-I kno—“ 

“Honestly, Nagisa, why do you _think_ I’ve been studying so much? As if I wasn’t concerned enough about my future before you got pregnant, before we decided to keep her, _now_ I have to assure that I obtain the best education possible not for my own selfish gain, but to ensure the highest possibility of securing a stable, well-paying job for my _child_. For _her_ future.” 

Nagisa clenches his eyes, bites his lip to keep his throat from spilling over with a dry sob. 

“And _this_. We don’t have _time_ for this, Nagisa. We don’t have time for these… these _games_ anymore! We have to be realistic. Your concern should not be… _satiating_ yourself! It should be figuring out how you are going to _help_ me provide for our child once she’s here! You could stand to at least read a guidebook or two, considering you’re not even taking exams, _learn_ something about raising an infant. I know you’ll have my parents to help, but they have _jobs_! They won’t be _with_ you 24/7 to take care of her, and besides, we cannot take advantage of their hospitality forever, Nagisa! We need to start thinking like _parents_. We quite literally cannot _afford_ to be children anymore, because come this spring we will be taking care of our _own!_ ” 

A beat, accompanied by the sound of Rei’s ragged breath and then a panicked, “Oh no. _Oh_ _no_ , I’m so sorry, Nagisa, I had been planning on addressing this issue much more… tactfully, I—“ 

Nagisa’s not listening, not really, not with the blood that’s roaring in his ears, the growing restlessness of the life inside of him, and the anguished sob that seems to rip from his throat out of its own volition. 

“Shhh, shhhhh, Nagisa-kun, I’m sorry, I’m _so sorry_ —“ Rei’s gentle coaxing vibrates in Nagisa’s skull, and the feeling of Rei’s hand softly cupping his cheek makes him flinch violently, hand coming up to Rei’s wrist to wrench his hand as far away as possible. 

“Don’t—don’t _touch_ me!” Nagisa cries, scrambling to get off of Rei, despite Rei’s protests to be _careful_ , not to _over-exert himself_. 

He manages to amble off of the bed, and he fumbles forward a little from the weight he still hasn’t become accustomed to, catching himself on the desk next to Rei’s bed. 

“That’s not—that’s not even—“ Nagisa starts, wetness leaking steadily down his cheeks, breath caught in his throat. 

“Nagisa, _please_ —sit back down so we can discuss this properly, you shouldn’t be exhausting yourself like this—“ 

“F-fuck you!” Nagisa finally stutters out, turning around to face Rei, amethyst eyes sparkling with pure _guilt_ to which Nagisa bitterly thinks _good_ , even though Rei’s words are still echoing in his mind. 

“So it’s only okay if I’m _exhausting_ myself when you’re fucking me?” 

“ _No,_ I—“ 

“Shut UP! Shut up, _shut up, SHUT UP!”_ Nagisa screeches so shrilly, it actually makes him dizzy and he has to rest his hand on top of the desk to keep from toppling over. 

Rei croaks weakly in response and moves like he’s about to reach out to steady Nagisa, to which Nagisa just glares and scoots backward and out of his arm’s length. 

“ _You_ started this, Rei. _You’re_ the one who-who came onto _me_ the other week, so that’s not- that’s not even _fair_! I-I _know_ this is a big deal, I _know_ it’s-it’s… I—…” Nagisa wants to say more, _so_ much more, say that he _knows_ what they’re in for, except he really _doesn’t_ and he hasn’t even really thought about it since Rei’s parents so graciously took him in, and _that_ makes his heart constrict and his nerves frizz wildly. 

“Nagisa… I know,” Rei says after a moment, slowly, cautiously. “And I apologize for saying that. I was the one reacting out of an instinct I never should have given into in the first place, so I have no right to pin _any_ of that on you. Now let’s sit down so we can have the rest of this discussion properly. Okay?” 

Rei’s question hangs in the air like lead and Nagisa feels like he’s going to choke on the thickness of the it if he doesn’t get out of this room, this house, this _situation_.

“I-I’m—“ Nagisa starts, not really sure what he’s trying to say, so he sucks in a deep, steadying breath before he moves away from the desk, and shuffles out of the room without another word. 

“Nagisa, _please_ —“ 

Nagisa shrugs himself away from Rei’s closeness as he slowly makes his way down the stairs and to the closet in the front room to grab his coat. 

“Nagisa, where are you _going_? I don’t feel comfortable with you going out when you’re so upset, what-what if something happens—“ 

“Just—I’m going to Haru-chan’s,” Nagisa says simply, remembering that Haru and Makoto are still home on winter break. 

“Wha—…” Rei sighs, runs a hand through his hair. 

Nagisa looks up to meet Rei’s eyes, as defeated and wet and he’s sure his own are right now.

“At least let me walk you to the train station,” Rei finally settles on. 

“I’ll be _fine._ I’ll… text you when I’m there,” Nagisa murmurs, shrugging on his coat and winter-wear. 

Rei sighs through his nose and reaches over to hold open the door for him. 

“Okay. Thank you,” 

Nagisa is silent as he shuffles out into the cold. 

 

*

 

It’s nearly noon when Nagisa knocks on Haru’s door. He’s managed to make it there without incident, the quiet buzz of the train and the crisp bite of the winter air enough to clear his mind so that he's _not_ be a blubbering mess by the time Haru gets the door. 

“Ah. Nagisa.” When Haru appears at the door, Nagisa instantly recognizes that his favorite shirt of Makoto’s is hanging off of his shoulder and he’s sporting a couple very obvious hickeys on the side of his neck. Absolutely no shame. _Never change, Haru-chan._

“Oh,” Nagisa has the decency to at least act demure about it. “Sorry, Haru-chan. Nevermind, I don’t want to interrupt. Heh. Have fun,” Nagisa is too drained to invite himself into Haru’s house; he knows first hand how hard it to swindle his way into Haru’s business when he’s in the middle of sucking off Makoto. 

He starts to turn around when a hand curls around his bicep. He looks up, expecting to see that Makoto has made an appearance, was maybe listening by the door or something, but his heart warms itself over and his eyes well up when he realizes it's still just Haru, eyes alight with honest-to-god _concern_ for him. 

“Nagisa. Come on,” Haru says gently, leading him inside. 

Nagisa sniffles and the tears fall. Stupid pregnancy hormones. Stupid _Rei_ who Nagisa should probably be texting right now, he thinks bitterly as he quickly taps out a one-word text: ‘ _here_ ’. 

“Mmf. Th-thanks, Haru-chan,” Nagisa croaks and hastily wipes his eyes with the sleeve of his coat. 

Haru gathers Nagisa’s things and gets him settled at the kotatsu in the middle of the living room before excusing himself to prepare some tea and food. 

“H- _Haru_! You answered the door like _that_?!” Makoto’s panicked voice resounds from the kitchen and the familiarity of his scolding of Haru’s shameless behavior instantly puts a smile on Nagisa’s face. 

Nagisa figures Haru must have briefly explained Nagisa’s presence and his less-than-ideal emotional state out of ear-shot or through telepathy or something because the next moment, Makoto’s ambling into the room like a lost puppy. 

“Nagisa! Is everything okay? Are you-are you contracting? Do we need an ambulance—,“ 

Nagisa laughs quietly at that, but it’s enough for Makoto to clamp his mouth shut and turn beet red all in a split second. 

“S-sorry… I just… you know, I _worry_ …” Makoto trails off, taking a seat beside Nagisa. 

“I know you do, Mako-chan. Thank you,” Nagisa smiles.

Haru chooses that moment to enter the room with a a tray of warm tea and an assortment of cookies to lay out on the table. 

Nagisa does a double take. 

“Whaa—! Haru-chan? No mackerel?” 

Haru stares blankly after plating generously for Nagisa and placing the tea in front of him. 

“You’re pregnant. No fish.” 

“Haha, aww. Haru-chan’s been doing his research!” 

“He really _has_ been,” Makoto beams proudly and Haru stares: _shut up_. Makoto is undeterred. “Before we went grocery shopping for winter break, I mentioned he should get snacks for you since you wouldn’t be able to have mackerel or much seafood. He had no idea there were certain foods you shouldn’t have, so he looked everything up and made a separate list for you. I think that tea is even especially for pregnancy, right Haru?” 

“Mn,” Haru agrees as he takes a sip, slightly red in the face. 

“Haru-chan… Mako-chan…” 

Nagisa is in awe at his friends support. So much so, that he doesn’t realize tears are running down his face _again_ until Makoto is fussing over him, dabbing a tissue to his face and Haru is delicately grasping his hand from underneath the table, which in and of itself, just makes the tears come even _harder_. 

“Shhh… Nagisa, you’re okay! We’re right here,” Makoto coos, finally giving up on the futility of wiping Nagisa’s apparently endless fountain of tears to rub circles along his back. 

“I _know_ , that’s why I’m _crying_ ,” Nagisa wails pitifully. 

“Ehhh?!” 

“B-because, you guys are just so n-n-…” _hiccup, “Ni-i-ice_!!” 

Nagisa is pathetic. Absolutely, no doubt about it: _pathetic._

Haru squeezes his hand reassuringly and Makoto breathes out a quiet laugh. They let Nagisa’s outburst die down to the occasional hiccup before divulging further; the last thing Nagisa _wants_ right now, but also probably the first thing he _needs_. 

“Talk to us, Nagisa,” Haru prompts, thumb lightly grazing over the top of his hand. Now it’s Nagisa’s turn to squeeze back, tensing at the question and bracing himself for the inevitability of answering it. 

“Rei—“ Nagisa freezes abruptly, his friends gazing at him expectantly. Rei _what_ , though? _Rei yelled at me. Rei was mean to me. Rei had sex with me._ None of those quite settle with Nagisa. 

No. _Rei told me the truth._

“I am _so_ not ready to have a baby,” Nagisa lets the words tumble out of his mouth, gaze softly focused on a dark grain of wood on the table. 

Makoto and Haru are quiet for a moment. Nagisa can see them exchange a meaningful look from his peripheral. 

“Well…” Makoto interrupts the silence, hand dropping from Nagisa’s back. “I don’t think anyone… expects you to be one hundred percent prepared. Having a baby is… a learning experience, right?” 

Nagisa can tell Makoto is trying to choose his words _very_ carefully. 

“I know,” Nagisa chews on his lip and slips his hand from out of Haru’s to place it on top of his belly, absentmindedly stroking. “It’s just… Rei-chan, he… he’s doing _so much_. He’s studying _all_ the time so that he can get into a good school and get a good job to make sure she has a comfortable life… and on top of that, he’s like… a pregnancy encyclopedia. He knows  _way_ more about what’s happening to my body than _I_ do. I don’t even know how to get through a contraction without him,” Nagisa laughs dryly, because that’s the reality of this whole thing, isn’t it? He’s been internally chastising Rei for not being involved enough with his pregnancy when Nagisa _himself_ was hardly even involved in the first place. 

“He’s not the one giving birth.” 

“ _Haru_!” 

Nagisa smiles weakly at the playful glint in Haru’s eyes. “Yeah, _that’s_ true,” Nagisa agrees, “but he’s _definitely_ more prepared for it than I am.” 

Nagisa licks his lips, takes a sip of his tea because his throat suddenly feels like tree bark. 

“I just… I haven’t been very realistic. After we decided to keep the baby, I guess… I dunno, I guess I just figured Rei’s parents would help out and then I’d figure it out from there? But I haven’t even _begun_ to think about any of that and it’s coming up _so_ fast...” 

“You’re thinking about it now.” 

“That’s true! And you’ve still got about two months to start figuring it out, yeah?” Makoto smiles encouragingly. 

“Well… more like almost three,” Nagisa scratches the side of his cheek. “Technically you’re not pregnant for the first 2 weeks after conception, and full term is at 40 weeks … I’m 30 now, which is like seven months? I think? I don’t know, Rei explained it to me. It’s all very confusing…” Nagisa sighs, running his palms over his face in mild frustration. “He’s so much better at this than I am…” 

“Well. A little extra time for preparation is never a bad thing,” Makoto falters like there’s something else on the tip of his tongue that he’s not sure whether or not to express. “Ah…” his eyes flit to Haru for help. 

Haru nods and takes the lead. Damn mind reading. “Are things okay with you and Rei?” 

Ugh. Busted. 

“I guess,” Nagisa considers, then, “I don’t know…” he sighs, defeated. “We got into a pretty bad fight this morning…” 

Makoto hums in sympathy and Nagisa is about to launch off into the entire story when he realizes that maybe there are more productive ways to handle this; more _adult_ ways. Better late than never, right? 

“You know… I should go talk to him,” Nagisa says with conviction and a nod, lips pressed together in a thin line. 

Haru and Makoto share another one of those telepathic looks that makes them looks like proud parents and Nagisa can’t help but roll his eyes. 

“But let me finish these cookies first… ‘kay?” 

“I bought them for you,” Haru deadpans. “Eat them all.” 

“Don’t tempt me, Haru-chan… you know what this baby does to my appetite…” Nagisa pats the side of his tummy before cramming a couple of cookies into his mouth. 

“That was the same before you were pregnant.” 

“Shuh uff Haroo-shamn,” Nagisa pouts around a second handful of cookies. 

The smirk Haru replies with and the belly-deep laugh Makoto supplies is all the encouragement Nagisa needs for the rest of his day.

 

-

 

Or so he thought it was all the encouragement he’d need. Standing on Rei’s (his? He still doesn’t really know how to address the Ryugazaki home) door with his hand hovering above the knob, things are starting to feel substantially more nerve-racking.

Nagisa is wrong a lot. He knows it. His friends know it. _Rei_ knows it. But Nagisa also knows how to get out of taking responsibility for his mistakes. He’s the Master of Distraction and he knows very well how to use that title; forced piggyback rides, waterworks. But not today— today Nagisa has decided, is the day he takes responsibility for himself and for his _child_. 

Nagisa sucks in a steadying breath through his nose and turns the handle. 

He barely has enough time to remove his shoes and replace his coat before the distinct sounds of a door opening and feet padding hastily down the stairs hit his ears. 

“Nagisa-kun.” 

Rei sounds absolutely breathless by the time he pokes his head around the partition to the front room and the nervous energy radiating off of him sets Nagisa’s own nerves on fire. 

“Hey,” Nagisa ducks into the house, starting toward the main room so that he can distance himself from Rei, take a moment to compose himself before throwing in the towel, finally admitting his mistakes, and taking that first step to maturity. 

“R—“ 

“Nagisa, I am _so_ sorry.” 

Nagisa turns to Rei, shoulders slumping in defeat. He should have expected this, for Rei to let him off the hook like always. 

“ _Rei_ —“ 

“ _No_. Please, Nagisa-kun, you have every right in the world to be mad at me, to never speak to me _again_ , really, but I just want to apologize again because I _never_ should have said any of those things to you. I have no right to displace my own pressure onto you when you’re already burdened with the actual pregnancy itself and with the impending delivery, and there’s no way I could _ever_ relate to that sort of stress, no matter how many books I read. And furthermore—“ 

“Rei, _stop_!” 

The look on Rei’s face is that of a wounded animal. 

“Just-,” Nagisa sighs, rubs at the small of his back, which is suddenly _really_ starting to ache. “Stop apologizing. You’re always apologizing and it’s not fair because… you were right before. We need to actually _talk_ or this whole… parenting thing is never gonna work,” Nagisa chances a subdued smile at Rei, who’s eyes are wide with disbelief. 

“Ah- yes! _Yes_ , you’re absolutely right. Here, let’s—,” Rei nods frantically, gesturing towards the kitchen table for them to take a seat. _So diplomatic,_ Nagisa thinks, amused, but so _not_ happening. 

“Mm-mm,” Nagisa shakes his head. “I gotta lie down. My back is _killing_ me.” 

Since it’s adjacent from the top of the stairs, they end up in Rei’s room after a slow and increasingly painful journey up the stairs for Nagisa. Maybe Rei was right about what he said before; he will _never_ know the stress Nagisa’s body is going through, that’s for sure. 

After constructing a glorious mountain of pillows for Nagisa to lie against, Rei ends up awkwardly hanging by the side of the bed, shuffling his feet indecisively. 

Nagisa scoots over and pats the space next to him and is honestly surprised by how quickly Rei settles down beside him after their earlier debacle pertaining to their physicality. 

“Rei-chan…” Nagisa starts, staring meaningfully down at his belly and smoothing out the fabric of his shirt before lacing his hands together and resting them there. He draws in a shaky breath, forcing himself to meet Rei’s eyes, attentive and etched with worry. 

“ _I’m_ sorry—“ 

Rei opens his mouth to protest, but Nagisa catches it this time. 

“—because you _were_ right about a lot of things… I haven’t been being very realistic,” Nagisa turns his attention back to his belly, drums his fingers against it thoughtfully as the baby flips positions. “I knew that I wanted to keep her the moment I saw her, but I never really thought about what that meant, even after you tried to tell me. Obviously I knew it was gonna be _hard,_ obviously I knew that… but I wasn’t really looking at it from a perspective where that was going to be affecting _me_ …” Nagisa lets out a puff of air through his cheeks, lips trilling. 

“Does that even make _any_ sense?” Nagisa tries, turning to look back at Rei, trying to convey to him what he’s feeling, despite the total disconnect of his phrasing. 

Rei’s staring at Nagisa’s belly now, as if considering it, considering the question in relation to the baby inside of there. 

“… Yes,” Rei agrees after a careful moment, much to Nagisa’s surprise. “I mean… it still feels very… surreal, if that’s what you mean.” 

“Yeah. Exactly. So I think I sort of needed that reality check, because now I realize how _totally_ unprepared I am for her to come out…” Nagisa swallows hard at the admission. “I _was_ relying on your parents being there for us, and I know they will be when they can, but… you’re right. I need to start pulling my own weight. She’s _our_ responsibility, not theirs. I mean, she’s not gonna be in here forever,” Nagisa smiles down as she kicks directly underneath his palm. 

“Nagisa-kun, it’s not about _pulling your own weight_ , per se. I just…” Rei bites his lip thoughtfully. “I just really want to make sure that you’re prepared for her, since I probably won’t be around as much as I would like to once I start university – just, to the very best of your abilities, of course, considering you’re already dealing with the very heavy burden of carrying her…” Rei pauses, smiles, “No pun intended.” 

Nagisa bites back an ear-splitting grin. When was the last time Rei was comfortable enough with him to crack a pun? 

“I _miss_ you, Rei-chan,” Nagisa says because he _does_. 

Rei’s eyes get wide for a split second before melting into a smile. 

“I miss you, too.” 

They gaze into each other’s eyes for so long that it almost feels like last year all over again, during their ‘honeymoon phase’, but it also feels like this is too dangerous, too intense, like Rei’s going to up and run from his own room because of it. 

Except he doesn’t. 

“Breaking up with you was the worst mistake I’ve ever made.” 

And now it’s _Nagisa’s_ turn to break eye contact, to feel like he wants to run from the room except that his back is still throbbing with a dull ache that only intensifies when he makes to lift his shoulders off of his pillow throne and Rei is left to do damage control. 

“No, no, Nagisa— _shit_ , no, please don’t leave—“ and _wow_ Rei must be very frazzled right now because _language_. 

“I’m—that wasn’t an _invitation_ , I mean— unless,” Rei’s looking rather clammy now, running sweaty palms over his sweats and licking his lips nervously, “Unless you – you _want_ it to be? I mean,” Rei sucks in a shallow breath and Nagisa has to cover his mouth to mask the array of emotions overcoming him right now because, _wow_ , this is just totally unexpected and _completely_ impossible. 

“Fuck. Nevermind. I’ll leave. You can stay in here for as long as you need. I am _so_ sorry for _everything_ I’ve said today, I’m just – I’m _stupid_ —“ 

Rei continues to babble nonsensical deprecations as he starts to get off the bed, but Nagisa is grabbing at his wrist before he even knows what to _say_ and _damn_ this is getting really weird and prolonged and confusing – and then it hits him; exactly what he needs to say to resolve this. 

“Let’s take it one step at a time,” Nagisa smiles, wide and sincere, pulling Rei back down onto the bed beside him. 

“O-okay. One step at a time,” Rei repeats, flushed bright red. 

“Baby comes first.” 

“Yes of _course_ baby _always_ comes first _,_ ” Rei agrees on a single breath. 

“So maybe… no more of, um… you know…” Nagisa lets go of Rei’s wrist, has the decency to be modest for once in his life, for the sake of the delicacy of the situation. 

“No. Of course not,” Rei looks down at the wrist Nagisa had in his grip just a moment ago, twiddles his thumbs together before adjusting himself so that he’s seated on the bed once more. “I never should have instigated. I’m sor—“ 

Nagisa presses a finger to Rei’s lips before he can help himself. “What did I tell you about apologizing? Besides, I think we’ve clearly learned when it comes to _that_ … it’s sort of a combined effort…” Nagisa scrunches his nose up, splaying his hands out across the evidence resting harmlessly about his midsection. 

Rei snorts. “Well, _clearly_ , but it’s just… for me it’s a matter of these-these repulsive _instincts_ —“ 

“Hey,” Nagisa says seriously, because Rei’s self-deprecation concerning his status has really got to stop. “We’ll work through it. I promise,” and Nagisa _means_ it. 

Rei sighs, adjusting his glasses. 

“One step at a time, remember?” 

“Yes. You’re absolutely right.” 

“Okay?” 

“Okay.” 

Silence permeates the room, comfortable and final and lighter than anything he and Rei have experienced between them during these past several months. 

“So… I wanna take a parenting class… help me find one?” Nagisa finally breaks into the silence, because where else is there to go from here except take his own advice? _One step at a time_ , he thinks with a soft smile. 

Rei stares, looking positively disbelieving for a moment before cracking an absolutely _radiant_ grin of his own. 

“Of course! I’ve actually been looking into a few myself,” because _of course_ he has, and he reaches over to grab his laptop on the nightstand, passing it over to Nagisa to let him prop it up on top of his belly. 

They spend the rest of the afternoon researching potential classes, pregnancy facts, parenting tips, birthing techniques (to which Nagisa _immediately_ decides a water birth is _not_ the route to go for him, but maybe he should bring the idea up to Haru-chan in case he ever decides he wants to have kids)– things Nagisa _should_ have been doing months ago. But better late than never, he thinks. 

And with Rei next to him, the occasional brush of his shoulder as he excitedly babbles on about their research, Nagisa feels not only a comforting sense familiarity, but also the exhilarating newness of a fresh start wash over him.

For the first time ever during the past few months, Nagisa has an incredible thought: a thought that they might just come out of this okay. And for now, that’s more than enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> imma back
> 
> i know that took awhile. shit on me on me on my tumblr
> 
> hentai-horseface.tumblr.com


	9. When you're smiling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He likes being close to Rei, lately; his presence is sedating in a way that always manages to calm his anxieties. He read somewhere in a book the other week that it’s normal for the carrier to physically seek out their mate during the nesting period, so Nagisa isn’t extremely worried about this development, especially after their big sex scandal the other month. If he’s read about it, then he’s sure that goes triple for Rei, which makes him feel less silly when he finds an otherwise questionable request on the tip of his tongue. 
> 
> “Ne, Rei-chan….” 
> 
> “Mn?” 
> 
> “Can we, like… cuddle?”

“I’m done,” Nagisa declares, tossing his schoolbag decisively at the corner of the foyer before carelessly shrugging off his coat and making a b-line (well, _waddling_ a b-line, Nagisa thinks bitterly) to the comfy couch in the living room that has been calling his name since about nine o’clock this morning. 

“Nagisa-kun…” he hears Rei’s tentative voice as he comes into view, picking up each of Nagisa’s discarded items along the way. 

“I am done being pregnant,” Nagisa resumes his lamenting. “My feet hurt. My back hurts. I can barely walk anymore. I can’t stop peeing. She won’t stop _moving, and ugh I really cannot take any more contractions…_ ” Nagisa groans as that distinct wave of pain in his back and lower belly conveniently makes itself known. 

Rei opens his mouth, looks like he’s about to offer some words of support, when a loud snort breaks through the silence. 

“Pfff, if you can’t take it now, imagine what you’ll be like when you _actually_ go into labor.” 

“ _Rin_ , don’t be like that! I’d like to see _you_ go through this.” 

“Kou-san is right! Show some sympathy. What if it were _me—“_

“Ai, don’t say shit like that. And come on, _sympathy_? I’ve got more sympathy than everyone in this room _combined_ , why do you think _I_ was the first person Nagisa went to about all of this?" 

Nagisa curls in on himself as their guests descend into raucous bickering. This was absolutely the worst day they could have chosen to have their friends over. It was a nice sentiment; instead of having a traditional baby shower, Rin, Gou, and Ai had bought Rei and Nagisa some helpful parenting goodies and volunteered to organize the rest of the baby’s room. 

Nagisa had been excited about the whole ordeal just yesterday. In fact, he’s been feeling increasingly motivated about preparing for the baby; ‘nesting’, Rei had called it. He and Rei had attended Lamaze and a parenting classes thanks to the good graces of Rei’s parents and their financial support, and Nagisa had even put together most of the baby’s room, including single-handedly constructing the crib during Rei’s general exam weekend, to the awe and general concern of the Ryugazaki household. 

But despite the frequent bursts of energy, Nagisa still experiences a healthy handful of off-days; the days in which every pregnancy symptom in the world decide to come back and bite him in the ass, just when he’s starting to feel like he’s getting the hang of it. Today has undoubtedly turned out to be one of those days, judging alone by the absurd amount of times he’d had to excuse himself to pee during class – which ended up being so much that his teacher had ultimately told him to come and go as he needed without causing distraction; in Nagisa’s opinion, pretty hard to do when you’re maneuvering your titanic belly in between too-small rows of sniggering students. 

Nagisa brings himself back into his present predicament of breathing through the rest of the contraction, surprised to find himself grasping onto Rei’s forearm because, really, when had Rei even gotten there? Nagisa quickly dismisses it because, honestly, pregnancy brain has really been getting the best of him lately. 

The pain starts to ebb away only to be replaced by the earsplitting sounds of three teenagers bantering in his living room, and Nagisa can’t help but reiterate his previous thought: he’s _done_. So incredibly done. 

“—I mean, I kept that secret for _months_ , even from _you_ , Ai, so clearly I’m pretty damn trustworthy—“ 

“Sempai, you _hardly_ kept that a secret! You never even put the pregnancy tests away!” 

“Pfff. _Well_ — I never really straight-up _told_ you, did I—?” 

“ _Rin-chan_ , the only reason I went to you was because Haru-chan and Mako-chan were getting ready to leave for school and you’re my only other friend in an alpha-omega relationship,” Nagisa deadpans, channeling Haru with shocking success. 

The room goes silent save for a low, amused whistle from Gou. 

“Rei-chan, can you rub my back, please?” 

“A-ah. Sure, Nagisa-kun.” Rei scratches the side of his neck before fluffing up a pillow from the couch and setting it on the ground next to the arm of it. He helps Nagisa to maneuver himself off of the couch and onto the floor in a kneeling position, belly resting neatly on top of the pillow, and arms slung over the armrest. As Rei promptly sets to work, kneading fingers into his lower back, Nagisa silently thanks the heavens for all they learned in that Lamaze class. 

“I don’t know if I like you very much when you’re pregnant…” Rin grumbles defensively, but flops onto the loveseat across from Nagisa and Rei, regardless, Ai rolling his eyes as he follows suit. 

“That’s what happens when you get cocky, bro,” Gou replies, and winks at Nagisa before seating herself cross-legged on the floor beside him. 

“True, Rin-Rin. You know I get a free pass these days. Don’t mess with me,” Nagisa smiles that smile that’s too sickeningly sweet to be sincere before sticking his tongue out playfully at Rin. 

“Yeah, yeah. Speaking of which, aren’t you supposed to be using it right now to make us set up your unborn child’s room or whatever?” 

Nagisa groans as Rei strikes a particularly sensitive knot in his back, insistently wiggling his bum into the pressure. 

“Yep. Be my guest. I’ll be in once I’m done with my massage,” Nagisa singsongs, knowing he’s being a brat and not caring for a single second. 

“I can’t believe you willingly deal with this every day…” Rin sighs dramatically, arching a brow at Rei. 

“Yes, well. He’s carrying my child. I don’t get much of a choice,” Rei quips back good-naturedly. 

“Jerk,” Nagisa mumbles, burying his head in his arms and smiling despite himself. He’s amazed at the way his and Rei’s relationship has evolved for the better in the past month, after actually _talking_ through their discrepancies. He finally feels like they’re in this crazy journey together, rather than set on two conflicting paths. It’s a relief, really, and makes the impending birth of their daughter seem less daunting, if only a little because, really, Nagisa thinks childbirth is sort of a horrifying notion no matter how you spin it. 

“Enjoy it while you can, _Doctor_ Ryugazaki. Pretty soon you’ll be too busy being Mr. Medical Student at U of Tokyo, hmmm?” Gou lilts and Nagisa tenses up all over again. 

“A-ah— _Kou_!” Rei’s fingers lock up against Nagisa’s back and the lack of honorific after Gou’s name _really_ implies that Rei has gone into full-blown panic mode. 

Nagisa huffs as he turns himself around to sit against the side of the couch, uncontrollably gaping; now it’s Rin’s turn to whistle. 

“ _Rei-kun_! Don’t tell me you haven’t told Nagisa yet. Seriously?” 

“I was—I was _working up to it_ —“ 

“Bull _shit_ ,” Rin snorts and Ai promptly shuts him up with an elbow to the ribs. 

“Can somebody please tell me what’s going on here?” Nagisa cries, unable to contain the emotions bubbling underneath his skin. Should he be happy? Should he be insulted? Should he be outraged? Nagisa has no idea, but thinks it would be quite helpful if someone could give him a _hint_ in the very least. 

“Ugh….” Rei buries his face in his hands and sits back on his heels as Nagisa bores an expectant look in his direction. 

“It’s—It’s not even official or anything like that, it’s just—“ Rei sighs, peeking through his fingers to gauge Nagisa’s reaction before dropping his hands to the floor. 

“I was invited to take the exam for the University of Tokyo’s School of Medicine,” Rei says in a voice that’s far too meek for such an incredible proclamation. 

“ _Ehhhhhhh?!_ ” Nagisa can feel his eyes threatening to burst out of his skull in shock. “Rei-chan! Why didn’t you tell me?! That’s _huge!_ ” Nagisa shuffles into a cross-legged position, hands gripping into the fabric of his sweater vest just above the bulge of his tummy. 

Rei heaves a sigh before fully seating himself on the floor and lifting up his glasses to dig the heels of his hands into his eyes. 

“The exam is on March 7th.” 

Nagisa cock’s his head, eyebrows furrowing. He’s about to express his concern, ask _why_ that could ever be a problem, when it clicks. 

“Oh. That’s…” 

“Your due date,” Rei finishes, replacing his glasses and fixing Nagisa with a sad smile. 

Nagisa’s gaze flits down to his belly and he trills his lips for lack of anything else to say, mind too welled up with conflict for him to even begin expressing his feelings. 

“Don’t worry. I’m not going. I scored high enough on general exams that I’ve already been accepted at plenty of closer universities that I’ve applied to. I wasn’t expecting to score well enough in the first place, I really just applied out of curiosity, and it was a complete _reach_ on my part—“ 

“ _Rei_ ,” Nagisa stills Rei’s incessant babbling, gaze focused on his baby bump. He stares down critically, licks his lips before flitting his focus up to Rei. 

Rei looks like a child about to get scolded, gaze wavering, his fingers fidgeting into his pant leg. 

“You _have_ to go, Rei-chan—“ 

“ _No_ , see, I knew you were going to do this, that’s why I hadn’t _told_ you yet—“ Rei takes a brief moment to throw an accusatory glance over at Gou, who giggles nervously. 

“No! Why would you throw a chance like this away—“ 

“ _Well_ , perhaps so that I can be present for the birth of _my_ _child_ —“ 

“You’ll have _the rest of forever_ to spend with her! Besides, you said it yourself, you need to take these kinds of opportunities so that you can support her, and this is like. The _best_ opportunity we could have ever asked for right now—” 

Nagisa abruptly halts his tirade and Rei chokes on absolutely nothing, a flush rising noticeably into his cheeks. 

 _We_. 

“U-um, guys, why don’t we get started on the baby’s room?” Ai interjects, pulling Rin to his feet with impressive strength for his size, Nagisa getting the amused notion that this sort of thing must happen a lot with them. 

Rin grunts his ascent, clearly grateful for the escape, and Gou follows after, muttering a quiet “ _Sorry!_ ” that doesn’t actually sound very sorry along the way. 

Nagisa and Rei take in a quiet moment in their newfound privacy. 

Nagisa sucks in a breath as Rei shifts his eyes obviously to his belly, irises clouded over with anxiety. 

“Rei-chan,” Nagisa begins softly, and Rei still doesn’t look up. “I want you to do this.  Going to school at U of Tokyo means you’ll be getting the best education in Japan, and like, guarantees that you’ll be able to support the baby once you graduate, so—“ 

“But Nagisa, there’s not even a guarantee that I’d get in. And if I didn’t, I’ll have missed the delivery for nothing.” 

“Yeah, but the doctors even said that barely anyone actually delivers _on_ their due date, so it’s fine. Plus, I’ll probably be in labor for awhile, anyways, so…” 

“I _know_ that… but there’s always that chance, and… I… I want to be there for you. _And_ the baby.” 

Nagisa sighs out a smile and takes Rei’s hands in his own. 

“You _will_ be. If you take this chance.” 

Rei finally breaks and snorts out an amused sound around a small smile. 

“Number one, that was very clichéd . Number two, you _know_ what I mean.” 

“I know, I know… I just really want this for you, Rei. And for _her_ ,” Nagisa places Rei’s hands on his rounded abdomen for emphasis. “We’re adults now, remember? So, _if_ it you end up not being here when I go into labor… I promise I can handle it,” Nagisa says with what he hopes is finality. “So… _please_?” 

Rei’s hands tense against Nagisa, gears turning in his head for a few short moments, before he lets out a short breath through his nose. 

“Fine. But I’m leaving the _minute_ I finish that exam. And _if_ you go into labor before I leave, I’m not going – _or_ , alternatively, if you go into labor while I’m gone, you are to call me _immediately_ so that I can take the next flight back out. That’s the deal.” 

“Okay. Sounds fair,” Nagisa bites his lip, and nods his head a few times in succession. 

Nagisa is about to make light of the situation, reassure Rei that if he _isn’t_ there for the delivery, then it at least diminishes the chances of Nagisa punching him in the ball sack of out blind rage and pain, when his thoughts are interrupted by a stab of pain that cuts clean through him like a knife. 

“Fu-hu-huuuuck…” Nagisa breathes, grip tightening so hard onto Rei’s hands that Rei actually yelps before rubbing soothing circles along Nagisa’s sides and taking deep breaths in and out with him. 

“See, this is why I don’t want to go…. you’re just about 37 weeks now and you’ve been having contractions a half an hour apart all _day_ , it could really be any day now—“ 

“Shh, just shut up for a sec,” Nagisa grits out, squeezes hard onto Rei’s hands again and _that_ shuts him up. 

“Okay,” Nagisa sighs after the pain has mostly faded. “Help me up. We should go help them.” 

“Nagisa-kun… you should be taking it easy…” 

“I will!” Nagisa chirps as Rei stands up, grasping Nagisa’s elbows to help him to his feet. Nagisa securely grapples onto Rei’s biceps before he’s being hauled up. 

“I’ll just sit in the rocking chair and boss everyone around,” Nagisa shrugs when they’re making slow progress to the nursery; formerly, Rei’s father’s office, which he had very graciously insisted on converting. 

Rei places a hand at the small of Nagisa’s back as they ascend the staircase, chuckling to himself. 

“Sounds perfect.”

 

*

 

Nagisa can’t even keep count of the amount of nights he’s spent tossing and turning due to the restless infant in his belly, but this is seriously getting out of hand. 

He wants to pretend he’s in labor, he really does, because the less time he has to think about pushing a tiny human out of his body, maybe the less traumatizing the experience will be. But he’s been having false-labor pains for _months_ now, and ever since the _real_ ones started making their presence known a few weeks ago, he’s quickly learned how to tell the two apart. 

As the innocent movement turns into something bordering just on the edge of painful, Nagisa woefully gives up yet another good night’s sleep. 

Nagisa plants a firm hand on the nightstand and another underneath the underside of his abdomen before hauling himself out of bed: a task that is quite literally growing to be impossible, especially when the little monster inside of him protests with a barrage of kicks every time he does it. 

He grunts a bit as he rights himself before waddling his way out into the hallway, intending on drawing a bath for himself to calm his sore muscles, when he notices a light seeping through the door of Rei’s room. He cocks his head a bit, wandering over to the door, because, since when is Rei up past midnight on a school night? 

“Rei-chan?” Nagisa ventures quietly, rapping softly at the door before nudging it open. 

Rei looks slightly taken aback when the door creaks open, glasses slightly askew and a book nestled neatly in his lap. 

“What are you still doing up?” Rei squints at him quizzically, and Nagisa is _sure_ he’s about to launch into a lecture about the importance of proper rest during the third trimester, so Nagisa beats him to it while padding his way over to the side of the bed. 

“Why do you think?” he asks dryly, pointing at his belly accusingly. 

At this, Rei’s brow furrows. 

“More contractions? How far apart?” Rei’s eyes shine with something like hope that makes Nagisa slump his shoulders guiltily. 

“Not yet, Rei-chan. You know she still needs to cook a little longer—“ 

“Well, the doctors _have_ been saying she could end up coming a bit early—“ 

“Not three _weeks_ early! It’s just braxton-hicks stuff. Nothing big. Here, move over,” Nagisa settles into Rei’s bed before Rei can even articulate a proper response.

Rei sighs, shifting aside to accommodate enough space. 

“You know, you should really be sleeping. You need to conserve your energy.” 

“Blah blah blah, Rei, I _know_. But I also don’t have to go to school tomorrow if I’m not feeling up to it,” Nagisa pauses here to wink conspiratorially. “So _you’re_ the one who should be sleeping, Rei-chan. What are you reading, anyway?” 

“Oh, um—“ Rei picks the book up from his lap to flash the title at Nagisa. 

 _1001 Beautiful Baby Names and Meanings_  

Oh. Nagisa blinks, considering. 

“We haven’t really talked much about that, huh?” Nagisa laughs quietly, a little surprised at the realization. 

“Well, to be fair, we’ve been preoccupied with other more… _pressing_ issues over these last few months,” Rei glances shyly over at Nagisa before placing the book in his lap once more, angling it so that they both can see. Nagisa offers an understanding smile in return. 

They read in silence for a few minutes, occasionally pointing out names they think might be nice, but nothing really sticks yet, at least not in Nagisa’s opinion. The nurses at his office have been insisting that he’ll know when he sees her for the first time, but Nagisa doesn’t think it hurts to get some inspiration, either. 

Nagisa’s gaze shifts over to Rei, his own eyes rapidly grazing line after line of the text. They’re bright, urgent, and mostly _tired_ , dark circles heavily outlining his under eyes. 

“Rei…” Nagisa tries, and waits patiently for Rei to stop skimming the paragraph he’s on; his thumb stops on an uncommon spelling of ‘Yuina’ that uses the kanji for ‘beautiful’ and Nagisa makes a mental note of it. 

“Mm?” Rei looks up once he’s finished, exhaustion even more present in the pallid color of his cheeks. 

“Why don’t we look at more baby names tomorrow? You look really tired,” Nagisa says honestly, because what other way is there to say it? 

“No,” Rei replies a little too quickly and firmly, and seems to realize this the instant the word comes out of his mouth, breath hitching, eyes going downcast. 

“I mean,” he tries again after taking in a breath. “I wanted to get at least a few solid ideas to show you, just… in case.” 

“Rei-chan…” 

“I know I still have a few weeks until then, but… I really want to contribute as much as possible in the meantime.  Once I start university, I know I won’t be around much, especially if I do end up in Tokyo. I’m going to miss a lot of milestones with her, so… I’m trying to take the time _now_ to do the best that I can to help welcome her into the world, even if I’m not physically present, God forbid.” 

Nagisa hums, lacing his hands atop his belly as he sinks down into the pillows. 

“That’s nice, Rei-chan,” Nagisa smiles, closes his eyes as exhaustion starts to plague him. “But you don’t need to lose sleep over it. You’ll lose enough of that once she’s here… _and_ in medical school… _and_ when you’re a _doctor_ ,” Nagisa pops an eye open to gauge Rei’s reaction. 

Rei hums in apparent agreement as he delicately closes his book and places it on the overhead bookshelf, along with his glasses. 

“Why didn’t you tell me, by the way? I thought you were looking into engineering,” Nagisa yawns, making himself comfortable, wriggling so that he’s laying down all the way in the bed and carefully maneuvering himself onto his side. 

Rei gives him a quizzical look before snorting and reaching over him to turn flick off the lamp, darkness enveloping the room, save for the dim light from Rei’s fragrance warmer in the corner. 

Rei huffs to himself as he also settles into bed, facing Nagisa. 

“I didn’t even really think about it until I went with you to get your ultrasound,” Rei says quietly, almost like he’s embarrassed.  “It was just… fascinating to see her growth. And, of course, I started out reading all of those guidebooks and what-not out of necessity, but I found that they were actually quite interesting, so I started looking more and more into the scientific aspects of gestation, which… I won’t go into detail about so as to not _completely_ bore you, but… all of that, coupled with the fact that a physician’s salary is quite generous, I figured it had the potential to work to our fam—our… everyone’s advantage.” 

Rei coughs in that fake way he does when he gets embarrassed, and Nagisa is sure if he could see his face better right now, Rei would be red as a tomato. 

Nagisa laughs through a small contraction, twisting through the slight discomfort. 

“You were going to say our _family_ , weren’t you?” Nagisa drawls around a sleepy smile, exhaustion and the dull pain trailing through his lower-half making him completely disregard his filter. 

“W-well, we _are_ going to be a family, in the technical sense of the word, anyway… in our own dysfunctional little way,” Rei mutters defensively, reaching behind him to grab the body pillow jammed against the wall to offer it to Nagisa. “Put that between your legs. It should help.” 

Nagisa does as Rei suggests, pressure slightly ebbing away from his hips as he adjusts the pillow between them. 

“That’s true. I guess we will be a little family, huh?” Nagisa agrees easily, cuddling the top of the body pillow in his arms and scooting closer to Rei. He hears Rei’s breath hitch, but he doesn’t really mind. 

He likes being close to Rei, lately; his presence is sedating in a way that always manages to calm his anxieties. He read somewhere in a book the other week that it’s normal for the carrier to physically seek out their mate during the nesting period, so Nagisa isn’t extremely worried about this development, especially after their big sex scandal the other month. If he’s read about it, then he’s sure that goes triple for Rei, which makes him feel less silly when he finds an otherwise questionable request on the tip of his tongue. 

“Ne, Rei-chan….” 

“Mn?” 

“Can we, like… cuddle?” 

“C- _cuddle_?” 

The way Rei chokes on his own spit makes Nagisa feel a hell of a lot sillier than he’d originally anticipated. 

“Wah! I mean. I’m sorry. That’s weird, isn’t it? I’ll go sleep in my own bed. That was… really dumb—“ 

“No! No. Don’t. It’s fine. We can—cuddle. Nagisa.” 

Nagisa groans and buries his face in his hands. Being pregnant gives him free passes for a lot of things but, unfortunately, embarrassment in _not_ one of them. 

“ _Ugh, Rei-chan,_ don’t just say it ‘cause _I_ said that I wanted to, now it’s _weird_ …” Nagisa whines into his hands before grabbing the comforter and pulling it up over his head. 

Rei’s muffled laughter reaches his ears through the thickness of the blankets, light and tinkling, and it makes the tips of Nagisa’s ears _burn_. 

“Re _iiii_ , please stop or I’m gonna roll out of your bed and back to my room and take all your blankets with me,” Nagisa takes a moment to peak out from under the comforter to see Rei shaking with unsung laughter. 

“I’m serious!” Nagisa can’t help but giggle while gathering up the rest of the blankets surrounding him, wrapping them around himself like a burrito. 

“You won’t be getting very far with that big belly of yours,” Rei chuckles and peels a couple of blankets away from Nagisa’s face. 

“Mean…” Nagisa narrows his eyes, but he can’t stop smiling. 

“ _True_ ,” Rei counters softly, and Nagisa can see the twinkle in his eyes even in the dim lighting. 

Nagisa hauls up part of a blanket to cover the way his mouth can’t help but split into a wide grin, but Rei must still be able to catch the smile in his eyes, because the next moment, he’s lifting the rest of the blankets up and encasing himself underneath them, too. 

The blankets billow around them before settling, and Rei tucks the ends carefully above their heads so that they’re both completely covered. 

“ _Rei-chan_ ,” Nagisa whispers, exasperated, their faces so close that his breath ruffles Rei’s hair. _How bold_ , Nagisa thinks, but very intentionally chooses to keep that thought silent. 

“ _Nagisa-kun_ ,” Rei mimics, earning a snort of amusement from Nagisa. “Well? Shall we?” 

“What?“ 

“Did you—did you not want to cuddle anymore?” 

Nagisa’s smile melts into something disgustingly sappy. How like Rei to make a bumbling fool out of himself for Nagisa’s sake. 

“ _God, fine_ , Rei-chan, I guess if you _really_ want to that badly…” 

“Oh _shush_ ,” Rei laughs breathlessly, softly resting his forehead against Nagisa’s and placing a hand on his side. 

Nagisa shuffles foreword until his belly bumps against Rei’s abdomen, which is probably only about two inches, he realizes sourly. He places his hand against Rei’s bicep, sleeved in his favorite dorky butterfly pajamas, and strokes his thumb along the fabric. It’s nostalgic. Comforting. _Innocent_ , most of all, and that’s something Nagisa hasn’t felt in a long time now. 

He breathes out a tired smile at Rei, and Rei responds with a lopsided grin of his own before the baby starts kicking relentlessly, as she often tends to do as soon as Nagisa starts to relax. Rei’s hand jerks, startled. 

“Oh. Wow. That must be irritating,” Rei mutters, gingerly patting the side of Nagisa’s belly, as if in apology. 

“Only when I’m trying to sleep…” Nagisa squirms impossibly closer to Rei, as if burrowing his face into Rei’s collarbone will make the discomfort go away—and, honestly, it sort of does in a weird, hormonal type of way; Rei’s scent is really pretty intoxicating, Nagisa thinks as he starts to drift off. 

“Ah. Of course,” Rei sighs, amused, into Nagisa’s hair, hand stroking comforting circles along his aching back and lower belly. 

“Mmm. If she’s like this inside of me, she’s really gonna be a handful when she actually gets here,” Nagisa yawns, sidling his arm around Rei’s waist. 

“Mostly likely. But I have the utmost confidence that you’ll make a wonderful father.” 

“Thanks, Rei-chan. You will too,” Nagisa smiles against Rei’s collarbone and feels him stiffen for a moment, like he’s about to launch into a refutation. 

“Ah—“ Rei starts, hesitates, and then melts comfortably into Nagisa’s embrace. 

“Thank you, Nagisa-kun. Sweet dreams.” 

Nagisa can’t tell whether or not it’s productive of his fatigued mind, but he thinks Rei may sound more than a little teary.

“Yeah. Sweet dreams, Rei-chan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like this is the least dramatic chapter i've written yet and idk how to feel about it
> 
> consider this an interlude
> 
> i guess
> 
> anyway ya hentai-horsface.tumblr.com u know the drill


	10. One for my baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You better stay comfortable in there for at least a couple more days, beautiful,” Rei murmurs, all the while turning very pink and avoiding Nagisa’s wide-eyed gaze. 
> 
> Cheeks still pink, Rei crouches down to level with Nagisa’s belly, placing his hands firmly on either side, stroking tenderly with his thumbs. Nagisa shivers at the sense of intimacy that comes with the action, so similar to the last time Rei did this, when he was, well, naked and on top of him, but this time there’s definitely none of that, and instead, all of the affection in what has to be the entire universe.

“I’m not going—“ 

“Rei, _stop_ , yes you are—“ 

“ _No—_ “ 

“Listen, you’ll miss your flight if you don’t—“ 

“ _Nagisa_! You’re carrying low _and_ you’re one centimeter dilated. I can’t leave you in good conscience when you could go into active labor at any foreseeable moment!” 

Rei runs a hand through his hair, pacing about the kitchen as Nagisa very carefully masks a contraction by breathing steadily in through his nose; he thinks he’s gotten quite good at masking the pain, especially when Rei gets anxious like this. 

“The doctor said _yesterday_ that it could still be about a week until that happens,” Nagisa sighs out, voice trembling at the throbbing ache radiating all the way down to the tops of his thighs. 

“The doctor _also_ would have scheduled an induction if he didn’t think you weren’t going to go on your own soon,” Rei stops in his pacing to stare critically as Nagisa fidgets through the rest of the contraction. Maybe he hasn’t gotten as good at outsmarting Rei as he had originally thought. 

Nagisa trills his lips, kneads the side of his belly, and makes to get up from his seat at the kitchen table. Rei is immediately at his side, and Nagisa begrudgingly takes his proffered arm before stretching the soreness from his back and shuffling over to the counter. 

“Rei-chan…” Nagisa deflates, leans against the counter top, and fixes Rei with a dull gaze. “I am _so_ tired. Can we _please_ not do this?” 

“I know you’re tired, Nagisa-kun. Which is exactly why I’d like to be _here_ for you—“ 

“ _No_ , like…” Nagisa groans, massages his temple with a thumb and, wow, suddenly he’s feeling really emotional and confused about this entire situation, because wasn’t _Rei_ the one who said all of that stuff about responsibility in the first place? Isn’t he _supposed_ to be supporting Rei’s endeavors and every opportunity they get to help make their daughter’s life better? Because Rei’s definitely giving him mixed signals right now, and it’s making his throat kind of start to work, and his eyes feel suspiciously wet— 

Rei gasps. “Nagisa! Shhhh, what’s wrong?” 

Rei approaches like he’s about to diffuse a bomb, and Nagisa thinks in the back of his mind that that’s probably the most logical response, seeing as _he_ doesn’t even quite understand why he’s been crying so much lately, except for the obvious and lethal combination of stress and hormones. 

“I just want—“ Nagisa hiccups, wipes his eyes with the back of his hand and then Rei is in front of him, delicately tucking loose strands of hair out of his line of vision. 

“Shhh—take your time, it’s okay.” 

Nagisa breathes in and out the most shaky, pathetic, simpering breath he thinks he’s ever expelled from his lungs. 

“I want the—the b-best for you andbaby and I’m t-trying to be responsible and stuff, but now you k-keep saying you feel like you can’t _go_ and it’s all my stupid fault because I haven’t gone into labor yet, and I don’t want you to feel g-guilty if you go and I have the baby, and I don’t want you to regret _not_ going and it’s just— I can’t stop crying and I’m s-so— _stupid_!” Nagisa wails pathetically, and he thinks maybe this is good practice for when Rei becomes the father of a screaming infant, instead of just the impregnator of a screaming, heavily expectant omega. 

“Nagisa,” Rei says softly, hand coming down to gently cup the side of Nagisa’s neck. “Listen to me.” 

Rei doesn’t continue until Nagisa looks up at him, in all of his sniffly, snotty glory. 

“You’re the furthest thing from stupid, and I am very grateful and proud that you’re doing all you can to take into account our daughter’s future,” Rei pauses, smiles a little sadly before continuing. “But you know this is hard for me, right?” 

“Y- _yeah_ , Rei, that’s all you’ve been saying since like three weeks ago, and you’ve been doing everything you can to help and junk in the meantime like you wanted to, so—“ 

“Well, regardless of all of that, the main issue here is… I—I’m assuming we’d _both_ prefer that I be present for the birth… right?” Rei says quietly, almost bashfully, like he thinks Nagisa is going to say otherwise which, well, is absolutely _insane_. 

Nagisa tenses, then wilts into Rei’s against palm. “Well _duh_ …” Nagisa nuzzles instinctively into the warmth, and places his hand over Rei’s. 

“But we already made a deal, so,” Nagisa sniffles a little, drops Rei’s hand from his neck, and straightens up the best he can while using the counter to support his back. “You have to go and you have to try your best.” 

Rei breathes, hard and heavy through his nose, eyes scrunching up in conflict. He looks down at Nagisa’s belly, bites his lip. 

“You better stay comfortable in there for at _least_ a couple more days, beautiful,” Rei murmurs, all the while turning _very_ pink and avoiding Nagisa’s wide-eyed gaze. 

Cheeks still pink, Rei crouches down to level with Nagisa’s belly, placing his hands firmly on either side, stroking tenderly with his thumbs. Nagisa shivers at the sense of intimacy that comes with the action, so similar to the last time Rei did this, when he was, well, naked and on top of him, but this time there’s definitely none of that, and instead, all of the affection in what has to be the _entire_ universe.

Nagisa smiles, features soft, heart bursting with warmth, and he can’t resist threading a gentle hand through Rei’s hair beneath him. Rei flinches a little at the contact before sighing into the sensation. Then, he’s leaning forward and pressing a feather light kiss onto the thin fabric of Nagisa’s shirt, right above his navel. 

Nagisa is one second away from exploding into an embarrassed, whining fit because, _really_ , Rei? It’s a bit much, but it’s also so sweet that Nagisa could never _really_ imagine ruining such a genuine moment between Rei and their unborn daughter. 

Rei lifts his lips and replaces them with his forehead, resting against Nagisa’s belly for a weighted moment before he’s lifting himself back up to tower over Nagisa, a heated blush and a lopsided smile settled onto his features. 

Somehow Rei feels a lot closer than he was before, so close that Nagisa can feel staggered puffs of air against his face, see every reflection in his eyes, and it’s dizzying. 

“Ah—I’m sorry… was that okay?” Rei ventures, leaning in impossibly closer to peer into Nagisa’s eyes, features alight with _impossibly_ alluring concern. 

 _This is bad_ , Nagisa thinks as he figuratively crumples under Rei’s gaze. 

 _This is_ really _bad,_ he thinks as he _literally_ crumples under shaky knees and Rei has to steady him at the waist. 

“Whoa! Nagisa-kun, are you alright?” 

 _No_ , Nagisa thinks as his eyes seem to drift to Rei’s lips on their own accord. 

“No,” Nagisa whispers, surging forward and pressing his lips against Rei’s. 

“Mm!” 

Rei stumbles backwards a little before steadying himself against the counter, arms on either side of Nagisa, their lips pressed firmly together due to the momentum of the fall. 

Nagisa tries to quickly pull back and apologize with the excuse of extreme pregnancy brain or something, but then Rei’s hand comes up to his chin, tilting him upwards and deepening the kiss into something so sincerely tender, Nagisa starts to wilt again and Rei has to move his hands to support the underside of his belly for him to stay upright. Nagisa’s hands snake up to tangle around Rei’s neck and Rei’s hands stay about his waist, occasionally stroking along his sides. 

Nagisa smiles into the kiss, feels Rei smile and sigh against him, and they carry on like that, kissing so sweetly, affectionately, deeply, that Nagisa loses track of how long they’ve been at it, doesn’t really _care_ to find out how long they’ve been at it— 

When the trance is broken by a particularly sharp pang that radiates from the bottom of his belly to around his lower back, followed by a rather unpleasant _gush_ of _something_ that’s starting to leak steadily down his thighs. 

They break the kiss as Nagisa tenses, immediately clenching his thighs, and willing the wetness to settle, but more importantly willing for Rei _not to notice_ anything amiss more than a typical labor pain. 

“N-Nagisa-kun? I-I’m so sorry. I know we’ve spoken about this at length, and I know our instincts are running just— _rampant_ at this point, but that’s still no excuse for me to have—… ah… w-what’s wrong?” 

Rei’s features fall, his lips wet and swollen, words coming out in a way that would be comically slurred if Nagisa weren’t currently trying to withhold a torrent of fetal fluids inside of him. 

“I’m fine,” Nagisa lies easily, albeit a little tersely. 

“Are you sure?” 

Nagisa glances at the microwave clock to his right without really looking. 

“ _Ah_! Rei-chan, look at the time! You really have to get going if you want to make that flight,” Nagisa smiles sweetly, praying to any Gods that may be that it doesn’t waver too much. 

Rei peers down at him skeptically, eyes narrowing. 

“Nagisa, answer my question: are you okay?” he articulates slowly, almost syllable-by-syllable, like he’s lecturing to a child caught in a fib. 

Nagisa draws in a deep, steadying breath, steeling himself by grasping Rei’s face with both of his hands and squishing his cheeks in a way that makes Rei sputter in his grip. 

“Read my lips, Rei-chan: I. Am. Fine. I will be 40 weeks pregnant tomorrow. Contractions are a thing that will happen more and more. _You_ of all people should know that, especially if you want to pass your exam tomorrow! Okaaay?” Nagisa lilts, inwardly surprised by the lack of panic in his tone, even as it floods through his veins without mercy. 

Rei blinks, surprised, before his features meld into something softer like trust, and ouch, _that_ kind of stings Nagisa’s conscience. 

“Okay,” Rei smiles, falters, then places a gentle hand on the side of his belly once more. Nagisa has to nearly hold his breath to keep from breaking down. 

“ _Just_ in case I’m not there… which _I will be_ , but _just in case_ … good luck,” Rei’s words come anxious, jilted, and Nagisa musters up all of his strength to smile back in thanks and what he _hopes_ he’s conveying as reassurance. 

“Thanks. You too, Rei. Go get ‘em!” 

Rei takes a moment to look awfully considering, and Nagisa could _punch_ him for prolonging this goodbye, given the less than comfortable circumstances. 

“U-um… I’m well aware that this is inappropriate, but if you don’t mind I’d… really like to… kiss you again? For—for good luck?” Rei flounders, and Nagisa just squeezes his cheeks again, so hard that Rei actually squawks. 

“Okay,” Nagisa agrees easily, pulling Rei’s face towards his own and touching their lips in something chaste, sweet, and _definitely_ short, but it’s still enough to satisfy Rei, judging by the mushy looks on his face.

“Now go!” Nagisa laughs nervously, pushing Rei away by the shoulders and doing everything in his power not to double over. “We’ll be rooting for you!” Nagisa pats the top of his belly with as much enthusiasm as he can muster. 

“What are you staring at? Go, go, _go_!” Nagisa tries again, when all Rei does is stare at him with a dopey, suspiciously love sick look on his face. 

“Okay! Okay.” 

Rei stumbles backwards at the urgency in Nagisa’s voice, but nonetheless finally starts to make his way to the foyer, layering on his coat, and retrieving his dufflebag next to the door. 

“ _Call me_ if _anything_ happens. The university is aware of our situation, and one of the test administrators will have my phone on them to answer any calls that come through. Also, remember your bags are packed and next to the closet down here if you need to go to the hospital. Make sure you take it easy, and – ah, do you need help getting upstairs? Or to the couch? Is there _anything_ I can do before I go—?“ 

“ _No,_ Rei-chan. Get _out_ of here!” Nagisa grits, exasperated, and he clutches at the counters with the very last of the willpower. 

“Y-yes. Very well. I’ll see you soon. Nagisa-kun,” Rei nods in that awkwardly cordial way he does sometimes when he’s nervous. 

“Yep. See you soon, Rei-chan!” 

Rei’s gaze lingers for a quick moment, on Nagisa’s face, down to his belly, then back up to his face, before smiling a thin smile and finally, _finally_ letting himself out. 

Nagisa lets out the breath he hadn’t even realized he’d been holding, along with the tension. That gross gushing is back again, trickling down the insides of his thighs. He has to slide down to the ground as little black dots obscure his vision, anxiety filling up his lungs. 

“Okay. Calm down. It’s _fine_ ,” Nagisa whispers to himself, hands absentmindedly trailing over the expanse of his abdomen, taking deep, steadying breaths. 

He wracks his brain, trying to remember that time a couple weeks ago that he and Rei had discussed labor signs; something about how even if his water were to break, it might not necessarily mean he’s in labor yet. That sounds about right, or at least Nagisa tries to convince himself that it does and that it most _certainly_ applies to his current predicament. His contractions have been a little closer together as of late, maybe _slightly_ more consistent, but _mostly_ nothing unbearable. 

Nagisa shakes his head, runs his hands over his face and takes a deep breath into his hands, before using the counter as leverage to lift himself back up. 

He’s fine. It’s not time yet. It _can’t_ be time yet. Rei will be back tomorrow afternoon, and _then_ they can decide whether or not he needs to go to the hospital. 

“Nagisa!” 

 _Shit_. 

What Nagisa _hadn’t_ taken into account was how he was going to manage to avoid spiking Rei’s parents’ concern in the meantime. 

Nagisa glances around the kitchen, then across to the living room as he hears Setsuna’s door creak open from upstairs, followed by footsteps down the upstairs hallway. 

Nagisa tenses up again, scurrying quickly over to the couch while being very careful not to drip anywhere. He plops down heavily onto the couch and hastily gathers a blanket around him to cover any telling wet spots that may have formed, just as Setsuna descends the staircase. 

Rei’s mother smiles as she rounds the corner, taking a seat on the arm of the couch near Nagisa’s feet. 

“Hey, sweetie. Did Rei just leave?” 

“Yeah.” 

He must be making a face or something, because Setsuna’s features soften and she reaches out to pat his leg with motherly concern. 

“He’ll be back before we know it. His exams start at 7:30 tomorrow morning and should be done by 10:30, so he’s coming back on the noon flight. He should be back no later than two or three,” she smiles. 

Nagisa doesn’t reply, only twists his features up in what he hopes resembles a smile and nods sort of jerkily. Setsuna’s face falls. 

“Honey, are you alright?” 

“Yes. S-sorry, I’m just— tired,” Nagisa tries, lamely. 

Unfortunately, when it comes to the Ryugazaki family, they are predictably not so easy to outsmart. Setsuna’s eyes narrow and she looks Nagisa up and down in that analytical way that’s reminiscent of Rei double and triple checking a homework assignment. 

“You know, if something doesn’t feel right… now wouldn’t be the best time to keep it to yourself,” Setsuna starts seriously. 

“Everyone experiences labor differently. I mean, when I had Rei I was apparently in labor for _hours_ before I even realized it. I went to the bathroom, and thank _god,_ realized I was already fully dilated! I delivered him not even ten minutes after getting to the hospital.” 

Nagisa freezes. 

“ _Ten minutes_ after? Did you even get _drugs_?” 

“Nope. Au natural,” Setsuna sighs, smiling wistfully into the distance, as if reliving the memory in fondness. Nagisa blanches. 

“Did it—didn’t it _hurt_?” Nagisa presses, grimacing at his own predicament as yet another persistent jab pulsates through his lower abdomen. 

Setsuna smiles knowingly. 

“Oh, it was just _awful_ ,” Setsuna lilts flippantly. “You know, at least when you’re on an epidural, you can’t actually _feel_ any external tearing,” she pauses with an expectant look and Nagisa promptly feels any semblance of heat drain out of his face. “It was a _very_ powerful and inspiring moment in my life, don’t get me wrong. But I wouldn’t recommend it,” she winks, and then makes to get up from the couch. 

“ _So_ , moral of the story: you don’t hesitate to tell me if you feel like we need to take a trip to the hospital. ‘Kay?” 

Nagisa feels his throat well up with impending word vomit. 

It gets stuck. 

Setsuna just smiles again before turning on her heel and heading back towards the stairs. 

“W-wait—“ 

With her hand on the bottom of the stair railing, Setsuna throws a _very_ smug look back over her shoulder. 

“What time do you get home from work tomorrow?” 

Setsuna cocks her head, turns to fully face Nagisa with her hands planted firmly on her hips. Mom-mode is in full force, Nagisa is sure of that. 

“Why? Do you need me to stay home? I’ll call in—” 

“No! No, no, it’s really okay. Aren’t you taking a short shift anyway?” 

“I’ll be home by one at the very latest. You planning on having a baby around that time?” Setsuna’s lips quirk up in amusement. 

Nagisa lips split into a small smile at that. 

“And what if I am?” he says playfully. 

“Then I guess it'll be perfect timing on my part,” Setsuna fires back, grinning. “Alright, kid, I’m getting started on dinner. What’s baby girl feeling like tonight? Beef stew? Pasta?” 

Setsuna starts back towards the pantry and Nagisa takes the opportunity to wrap the blanket around shoulders and heave himself up from the couch as quickly as he possibly can, given that he basically has to use his belly to propel the rest of his body up. 

“Uh, anything’s fine,” Nagisa replies distractedly, making his way up the staircase. “Pizza? Maybe? Kind of craving mashed potatoes, too…” Nagisa calls contemplatively, and he’s not lying. Setsuna’s tinkling laugh resonates from the cupboards. 

“I’ll see what I can do. You taking a nap?” She pokes he head out from the pantry when Nagisa is halfway up the staircase. 

“Mm, I’m gonna take a shower, but I’ll probably take a little nap afterward. Just wake me up for food, please!” 

“Sure thing, baby.” 

Ugh. Baby. Speaking of which… 

Once Nagisa makes it inside the bathroom, he starts peeling his blanket and the rest of his clothes that are sticking to him uncomfortably with offending fluid, groaning forlornly. 

“Shit,” Nagisa curses, peeling off his sweats, sticky residue making them cling to the insides of his thighs. 

His mind should probably be reeling, Nagisa vaguely thinks as he starts the faucet. It’s a wonder he still hasn’t had a full-blown anxiety attack between a passionate, frighteningly unexpected makeout session with his baby’s father and the resulting spillage of fluids. Setsuna’s small talk took a bit of the brunt out of his mentality, but Nagisa thinks it has to be more than just that. 

Instead, Nagisa has taken to a strange, serene, sense of calm. He carefully makes his way into the warm spray of the shower, instantly setting to work in between his thighs with a healthy amount of body wash. 

“ _Shit_ ,” Nagisa sighs, but the bite isn’t there anymore.  It’s more of an observation because seriously, _shit_ , Nagisa thinks as he squirts a dollop of body wash onto the table of his belly. There is a _baby_ in there, and he absolutely cannot, or rather _will_ not bring himself to acknowledge that she’s coming out, probably sooner rather than later, judging by the stickiness he’s just scraped from his thighs. Dread courses through his veins when he realizes the terrifying likelihood that his alpha might not be there to lend his support: Rei who, through their ups and downs over these past months, has been so willing to tend to him, so willing to _sacrifice_. For a selfish split-second, Nagisa wishes he _hadn’t_ so persistently persuaded Rei to take that flight out to Tokyo. How he had _ever_ thought he was capable of doing this without Rei, Nagisa is completely and utterly stumped. 

As Nagisa slowly sets to lathering the gargantuan belly he’s grown so accustomed to over these last, long months, a sense of stubborn disbelief floods over him. 

There is no way he’s going to distract Rei from an opportunity that could be potentially life changing for them and their child. There’s no way this baby is coming any earlier than three o’clock tomorrow. And there’s also _no_ _chance_ this baby is happening without Rei by his side. 

Besides, save for the usual light kicks, he hasn’t had a contraction in at _least_ the last half hour; this is good. He’s got this. No sweat.

 

*

 

The next morning, Nagisa promptly realizes that he is most certainly _not_ good, that frighteningly consistent contractions apparently means a _lot_ of sweat, and that there’s probably _every_ chance this baby is happening without Rei by his side. 

As a fresh stab of pain course through his gut, Nagisa’s instincts flare full-force: _baby always comes first_. If baby wants to come right now, then Nagisa’s just going to have to let that happen, even if it _is_ sans Rei. 

 _“Shiiiit,_ ” seems to be his choice word as of late, and in the present moment, Nagisa thinks there has never been a more appropriate expletive because real labor, he quickly realizes, basically _feels_ like he’s about to take the most massive shit of his entire life. 

He curls in on himself, suddenly feeling all sorts of the stupid he should have been feeling for not having said anything about his potential to go into labor _yesterday_ when he was literally dripping with evidence. 

Nagisa draws in an unsteady breath before checking his phone. 

 _8:27am_ blinks back at him. 

Good. At least he can still make this work to his advantage with Rei’s parents already out of the apartment. 

He quickly scrolls down his contact list and hits the ‘call’ button. 

He hears a muffled protest of, “ _Rin_ , _it’s too early, c’mere…”_ from a voice that no doubt has to be Ai’s, some shuffling of sheets, and then—

“ _Ugh… come on, Nagisa… today’s my first day off in like two fucking weeks. You’re killin’ me!”_

Usually Nagisa would have a snappy comeback to Rin’s notorious grumpiness, and he considers it for a second, when a pressure so intense squeezes inside his lower belly, he ends up letting out a long-suffering groan instead. 

_“… Nagisa?”_

“H-hey, Rin-chan. Ah… I need you to take me to the hospital. Please.” 

“ _What?_ Is the-is the baby coming—“ 

_“Yes—“_

_“Fuck._ Fuck _! Okay, I’m on my way right now—ow,_ dammit _—“_ there’s a telling crash on the other side of the line that makes Nagisa think Rin must have jumped out of bed and straight into everything resting on his nightstand. 

 _“Do you need me to call an ambulance? Rei? His parents? Doesn’t his mom work right down the street—“_  

“ _No, do not_ call them, Rin, please—“ 

 _“Why the fuck not—“_  

“They’ll call Rei. He’s— _nnn_ —in the middle of his exam. _Please_ —“ 

Rin heaves an audible sigh. 

 _“Alright. Alright, I got it. I’m coming right now.”_  

Thank _God_ they had given Rin an apartment key in case of the scenario that Rei or his parents shouldn’t be readily available for this very moment. 

Rin arrives approximately ten minutes and three contractions later, and in that time Nagisa has made absolutely no attempts of movement besides rolling onto his knees and shoving what feels like half of a pillow into his mouth to bite down on in hopes to quell the pain. 

That’s the position he’s in when Rin bursts through his bedroom door unannounced with Ai by his side, and as Nagisa cries out around what feels like a fist to his insides, he quite literally cannot afford to care about what he looks like to outside eyes. 

“J- _Jesus Christ_ , Nagisa—“ 

Nagisa’s about to chew him out in a blind, labor-induced rage, but Ai beats him to it. 

“Rin, shut up. He’s about to have a _baby_ , for God’s sake.” Ai’s words are firm, yet soft at the same time, and cause Rin to choke indignantly in the most satisfying of ways. 

Ai is by his side the next second, a delicate hand rubbing along his back and he breathes deeply in time with the soothing sensation. Nagisa is instantly comforted by the companionship that comes with having a fellow omega by his side in this moment, even if his and Ai’s bond isn’t the strongest. The scent alone is enough to calm his frazzled nerves, if only a little. 

“Let’s get you up, okay?” Ai suggests and all Nagisa can do is nod distractedly, allowing Ai to maneuver him to his side, and Rin to haul him up. 

“ _Oh…_ ” Nagisa moans, because being on his feet and contracting is _much_ different than contracting in the fetal position. His first instinct is to close in on himself, sink to the floor like he usually would, but Rin and Ai are quick to steady him. 

“Come on, champ. Just gotta get to the car, then you can roll around _all_ you need in the backseat,” Rin promises, and oh, thank the _lord_ Rin had recently bought a car, because Nagisa seriously doubts public transportation is a viable option at this point. 

Nagisa reminds them to grab his hospital bag as the get situated at the foyer, and then they’re making an unsteady path down the outside hallway and one uncomfortable flight of stairs before finally reaching the car. 

Ai readily offers to sit in the back with Nagisa, and then they’re off. 

Nagisa has quickly situated himself back into the fetal position, head digging into Ai’s lap every time pain strikes through him, and Ai easily reciprocates by stroking through his locks, and muttering an occasional word of encouragement. 

The hospital is thankfully a short drive away. Once Rin has parked, he turns back to Nagisa and offers a shaky grin. 

“Alright. Ready to birth a fucking human _life form_ into the world?” 

Nagisa actually sputters a laugh through his latest contraction, hands clutching at his belly when that makes the pain even worse. 

“I don’t think I—have a choice.” 

“True. Then let’s fuckin’ do it. You’ve got this.” 

“ _Fuck_ yeah,” Nagisa gasps out a wavering smile despite the fact that he truly doesn’t think he’s ever been more terrified in his entire eighteen years of life. 

One last hard squeeze permeates through him before he’s being helped out of the car, and he can’t help but voice his last thoughts before they’re heading through the doors to the hospital: 

“ _If I see Rei-chan before this baby is born I swear to God I’m going to rip his goddamn ballsac off for doing this to me_.” 

Ai looks vaguely perturbed and Rin lets out a howling laugh.

“Oh, I will personally see to it that we make that happen,” Rin supplies a toothy grin in return. 

Nagisa keeps to himself that, in this moment, he is one hundred percent gravely serious. Maybe, he thinks, vaguely amused, it’s for the best that Rei is currently a good twenty cities away.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ughghgh yea it took me so long to figure out how this was gonna go i mean come on this is THE MOMENT you guys!!! well half the moment lol sorry
> 
> yell at me about it
> 
> hentai-horseface.tumblr.com


	11. Luck be a lady

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “R-Rei-chan, I’m so sorry… I just. I really wish you were—hah—here.” 
> 
> “Hey. It’s okay. It’s not like you could have prevented any of this.” 
> 
> “But, but I could have, my—“ Nagisa’s impending word vomit turns into a long-suffering groan as the contraction tapers off. 
> 
> “Breathe, Nagisa. Don’t forget your techniques. Putting blame on yourself will just make you more anxious—“ 
> 
> “My water broke yesterday afternoon.” 
> 
> The line goes so quiet that Nagisa thinks Rei seriously might have hung up on him. 
> 
> “Rei...—?”

Checking into the labor and deliver unit is decidedly less exciting than Nagisa had anticipated. When Nagisa ambles into the check-in, clinging to Rin and Ai more ferociously with each passing contraction, the receptionist just smiles at him in a vaguely sympathetic way that makes him instantly realize that his situation is not unique in the slightest, as much as the wringing in his belly tries to convince him otherwise. 

Rin handles all of the paperwork, gets him checked in, and before he knows it, he’s being ushered into a wheelchair by a very nice nurse and guided over to a room he knows he’ll be getting very well acquainted with over the next few hours. 

“Do you uh… want me to like, leave? While you change?” Rin coughs and Nagisa scoffs in the middle of wrestling out of his t-shirt. Ai is by his side in an instant to help peel off the rest of it. 

“Are you serious, Rin-chan? How many times have we seen each other naked?” 

“ _Yeah,_ b-but… not like _this_!” 

“ _Um_?” 

Nagisa turns to find Ai’s eyebrows edging dangerously up into his hairline. 

“Like in the _locker rooms,_ Ai-cha-haaan—“ Nagisa sighs dramatically, but it tapers off into a gasp as more throbbing floods through him. Ai is immediately stammering out an apology before helping him slip off his shorts and underpants to exchange them for a hospital gown. 

Rin stays facing a corner of the room like a kid in timeout. 

“Rin-Rin, you’re being a bigger baby than the one in my tummy.” 

“Ex _cuse_ me?!” 

 _That_ gets Rin to spin around, teeth bared in a way that would appear threatening on _any_ other alpha but him – Ai and Nagisa both know better. Underneath his ferocious facade, Rin is about as intimidating as a baby seal. 

Nagisa exchanges a knowing look with Ai. 

“Are you _sure_ you want this guy in here while you’re having a baby…?” Ai conceals a giggle in his hand when Rin’s face falls into the most despondent, pathetic expression Nagisa has ever seen. 

“Oh _come on_ guys, I’m _trying_ here!” 

“I know. Thanks, Rin. I really appreciate you being here for me,” Nagisa smiles sincerely and Rin shifts his gaze with a grunt, cheeks darkening impressively. 

Nagisa turns his attention to Ai, whose expression is absolutely _melting_ at the site of his boyfriend acting so uncharacteristically bashful. Great. Nagisa had _so_ been looking foreword to third wheeling at his own delivery. 

“ _Besides,_ ” Nagisa cuts in before his friends decide to start making out in the middle of the delivery room. “I have a _very_ special job for Rin-chan in Rei-chan’s absence.” 

“ _Hah?_ ” 

Nagisa beckons Rin over to the hospital bed. Rin reluctantly approaches, and then Nagisa uses both his and Ai’s shoulders as leverage to hike himself up onto the plush hospital bed. 

“And _that_ would be…?” Rin prompts, eyebrow raised, while Nagisa gets himself comfortable by strategically arranging the pillows and burrowing his upper body up into them near the headboard. 

“Mm-mm, just be patient,” Nagisa clicks his tongue a little smugly, drumming his fingers patiently at the top of his belly, Rin and Ai gazing expectantly. 

“Ah!” he yelps after a short moment, in part due to the contraction ripping through his organs, but also because this is where Rin comes in. 

Nagisa’s hand shoots out to grasp Rin’s own palm in a satisfying death grip, which results in a high-pitched _“Fuck!_ ” from the redhead. 

“Hnnngh…” 

He rides on the rest of the contraction with a gratifying amount of ease, at least compared to the previous stabs of pain he’d been enduring all morning. 

“Thank you for sparing me that…” Ai whispers when Nagisa’s pain has tapered away and Rin is pacing around the room, shaking out his hand and cursing loudly. 

“ _Jesus_! What the _shit_ , does being pregnant give people like super human strength or something? I _swear_ I felt my fucking bones crack…” 

“Heheh, sorry Rin-chan, you shoulda read the fine print before agreeing,” Nagisa winks and sticks out his tongue in Rin’s direction. 

“ _Yeah_ , well that son-of-a-bitch Rei—“ 

“ _Hey_ , Rei-chan’s mom is a super nice lady—“

“Fair enough – that _wad of_ _dick cheese—_ “ Nagisa can’t help but laugh loudly at this – “better get here by the time that baby’s coming out of you, because I definitely did _not_ sign up for getting my fingers ripped out of their goddamn sockets—“ 

“Well, _we’ll_ _see_ _about that_ , won’t we Rin-chan?” Nagisa winks again, but his stomach flips in a non-infant-related motion at the mention of Rei. As wonderful a job as Rin and Ai are doing at distracting from the pain, he still wishes Rei were here to dote on him and offer up a hand for him to crush to bits. 

“Hey, what time is it?” Nagisa inquires, voice pitching up a little bit as he tries to mask the sudden and overwhelming separation anxiety he’s experiencing. 

Rin wrings out his hand one last time with a sour look before retrieving his phone from his back pocket. 

“10:13.” 

Fifteen minutes until Rei’s out of his exam, and about five hours until he gets back. This baby could probably wait that long, right? In any case, Nagisa tries to convince himself of it, despite the rippling sensations in his lower abdomen that try to tell him otherwise. 

There are a few firm knocks at the door before Dr. Inoue pops his head in. Nagisa can’t help but smile in relief when his favorite doctor from the office walks in. The on-call doctor was the last thing on his mind up until this moment; it’s definitely the small victories that count today. 

“Dr. Inoue! You’re delivering for me, huh?” 

“Looks like it! How are things going, Nagisa-kun? Feel like you’re gonna have a baby any time soon?” 

“Mm, yeah, I think so. I can’t believe it’s already here…” 

“Goes fast, doesn’t it?” Dr. Inoue smiles, crow’s feet crinkling around his eyes. 

“ _Yeah_ — ah, R-Rin-chan—“ Nagisa holds out his hand expectantly at the next sign of a contraction and Rin sighs forlornly before hesitantly placing his hand in Nagisa’s own. 

Nagisa squeezes for dear life, and he feels hot tears form at the corners of his eyes – this is _by far_ the worst pain he’s experienced yet, and it shows from the way Rin absolutely _howls_ at the force which Nagisa squeezes with. Nagisa can’t quite feel bad when he’s _positive_ the squeezing he’s experiencing himself is at least ten times more excruciating. 

A cry of his own rips from Nagisa’s throat, and by this point the tears are falling freely. 

“Oh wow, now that doesn’t sound so comfortable. Why don’t we take a look?” Dr. Inoue calmly stretches on a pair of gloves before setting up the stirrups on either side of the bed and gently coaxing Nagisa’s legs into them. 

Nagisa can feel Ai at his side, tracing light circles along his back as he rides out the rest of it. If anything else, it helps distract him from the doctor poking at prodding at him. 

“Well, your membrane has definitely ruptured; Nagisa-kun, have you experienced any leaking of fluids that you can remember?” 

“A-ah. Yeah, yesterday afternoon… I think my water broke…” 

“I see. I don’t think there’s any cause for concern at the moment, but waiting too long for delivery after your membrane has ruptured could cause infection to the baby. Luckily it looks like you came before we’d have to consider a C-section. We’ll definitely be keeping a close eye on you though, just in case.” 

Nagisa’s face falls. If there’s one thing he’s more scared of than pushing this kid out, it’s being cut open. 

“You’re a little over five centimeters dilated now, so now we just sort of have to play the waiting game. I’d give you anywhere from two to four hours before we have you start pushing, but it could really be more or less. I wish we could predict more accuracy when it comes to a delivery, but unfortunately, that’s just out of our hands. The best we can do is estimate.” 

“Only two to four hours?!” Nagisa cries, heart pounding in his throat. “That’s _way_ too soon, there’s no way Rei-chan will…” Nagisa trails off, pressing his palms into his eye sockets to quell the nervous tears that start to rim his eyes. 

“Nagisa,” Dr. Inoue places a reassuring hand on his knee, voice firm and serious. “The baby will come when she needs to come. I’m sure your boyfriend will understand. Alright?” 

Nagisa rubs at his eyes, and doesn’t even bother to correct the way the doctor addresses Rei as his boyfriend, before nodding a bit in agreement. 

“I know, I know. I’m just… I’m really scared,” Nagisa admits, voice small and stuck in his throat. 

Rin squeezes his hand reassuringly, and along with it, Nagisa’s abdomen squeezes, too. 

“ _Ugh_!” 

“I’d advise getting up, walking around a bit to take some of the edge off. Later on, we can get sort of pain relief started up for you if you’d like. In the meantime, I’ll have the nurses come in to take your vitals and get you settled in. How does that sound?” 

“O-Okay,” Nagisa manages to grit out and Dr. Inoue nods amicably before taking his leave. 

The door shuts with a soft click, and before anyone can even get a word in, Nagisa’s cell phone is blaring with the alarming urgency that can only be Rei’s ringtone. 

They all jump at the siren tone (set specifically the other by Rei to ensure that Nagisa wouldn’t sleep through or ignore a call from him). Rin scrambles to retrieve the offending device from Nagisa’s bag. 

“Should I answer it, or…?” 

“No,” Nagisa sighs, attempting to rub away the lingering pain at his side with the palm of his hand. “I should talk to him…” 

He holds out his hand to accept his cell and smiles, amused, when he sees that the time reads 10:30 on the dot; punctual as always. 

“We’ll give you some privacy. Just call for a nurse to grab us if you need us,” Ai smiles gently, and Nagisa nods gratefully as they slip out the door. 

Nagisa’s thumb hovers over the ‘answer’ button and he draws in a shallow breath. Will Rei be angry? Will he yell at Nagisa for not having called him like he had promised? 

Nagisa scrunches his eyes shut and accepts the call with a small squeak. 

“Rei-chan.” 

“Nagisa-kun! How is everything? I’m on my way home _right now_ — the next flight leaves in twenty minutes and I think I can make it in time to transfer on if it’s not full. Hopefully I’ll be back in a couple of hours—“ 

“Rei-chan, hurry, _please_ —“ 

Nagisa’s not even contracting at the moment, but at the sound of Rei’s voice, he can’t help but dissolve into the blubbering, hysterical mess he’s been trying his best to suppress all morning. 

“Nagisa, slow down,” Rei’s tone flips from a frazzled jumble of nerves to authoritative and in-control at an incredible speed. “Where are you? Are you in labor?” 

“I-in the hospital… yes…” Nagisa sobs, guilt eating at the edges of his heart. 

“Where are my parents? Did you call them?” 

“No, Rei-chan. I’m-I’m _so sorry_ I just—I know I should have told you guys but I didn’t wanna interrupt your exam, and I know you told me to, b-but—“ 

“It’s okay, Nagisa. Right now, you just need to relax. I’ll call my parents and let them know what’s going on. When did you check in? Are you with Rin?” 

Rei’s command and understanding of the situation only makes Nagisa snivel even more. 

“This morning. Like at nine? Rin-chan and Ai-chan are with me.” 

“Okay. Good. Great. That’s… very good,” Rei falters off with a shaky sigh, and the way he starts to sound frazzled again is making Nagisa’s nerves start to flare up, especially when his lower half also decides it’s time to squeeze the life out of him again. 

“R-Rei-chan, I’m _so_ sorry… I just. I really wish you were— _hah_ — _here_.” 

“Hey. It’s okay. It’s not like you could have prevented any of this.” 

“But, but I _could_ have, my—“ Nagisa’s impending word vomit turns into a long-suffering groan as the contraction tapers off. 

“ _Breathe_ , Nagisa. Don’t forget your techniques. Putting blame on yourself will just make you more anxious—“ 

“My water broke yesterday afternoon.” 

The line goes so quiet that Nagisa thinks Rei seriously might have hung up on him. 

“Rei...—?” 

“Y-yesterday? When we were...—” Rei takes a moment to cough, clearly reconsidering his choice of words. “… In the kitchen?” Nagisa clenches his eyes shut, tears beading at the corners. 

“ _… Yes_.” 

“I—oh. _Oh._ That’s what that— oh my _god_ , I should have realized—“ 

“I’m _sorry—“_

“ _No,_ Nagisa, _stop_.” 

Nagisa flinches so hard, it actually sort of kinks his neck. 

“Rei-chan, I’m—,” Nagisa starts to choke out, only to be interrupted yet again. 

“No, _I’m_ sorry, I didn’t mean to sound like I was—,” Rei sighs, and there’s some rustling and the sound of voices in the background; he must be entering a train platform. 

“Nagisa, _please_ just try to conserve your energy. That should be your one and only concern right now, okay? Hopefully I’ll get there before the actual delivery, but if not… everything will be all right. I promise.

Nagisa tries to smile, but it only turns into a grimace with the way his muscles are still tensing. 

“O-okay. Thanks, Rei.” 

“Of course, Nagisa. I’ll see you soon. Good luck.” 

“See you soon.” 

There’s a click on the other side of the line and Nagisa grips his phone probably a little more tightly than he ought to be in response to the persistent waves of pain. 

He places the phone on the little table next to him and buries his face into his hands, expelling his breath in a way that sort of resembles on of the breathing exercises he should probably be implementing, but is mostly a product of pure frustration. 

“ _Please_ get here soon, Rei-chan,” Nagisa mumbles into his hands. 

There’s a soft knock at the door that makes him freeze and peak at the door from behind his fingertips. A small part of him swells with the hope that maybe Rei was just messing with him and had actually left earlier that morning.

A couple of nurses with kind smiles enter and Nagisa lets out a groan and tugs despondently at his hair for allowing himself to get his hopes up in such a pathetic and illogical way.

_Just a few more hours, baby. Just give him a few hours to get here. Please._

 

 

*

 

Two hours pass by unfairly and agonizingly slowly when you’re in labor, Nagisa later realizes. 

Rei’s parents had arrived not thirty minutes after he had spoken with Rei, and much to Nagisa’s surprise, they don’t even _clue_ at the notion of being upset that Nagisa hadn’t called them earlier. Nagisa is continually shocked that such utterly relaxed and understanding people could have possibly spawned someone as high-strung and anal as Rei. 

Setsuna talks him through some simple breathing exercises and Shougo exits the scene to opt for the waiting room once Nagisa has to start getting creative in his sprawling across the bed (i.e., unintentionally but necessarily lewd) to help alleviate some of the pain. 

Nagisa had insisted to Rin and Ai that they were off the hook once Rei’s parents arrived, but after they had taken their slightly reluctant leave, Nagisa had to admit that he might have made a dire mistake with that decision. Because even in such an intense state of pain, Nagisa feels _much_ too guilty to use Setsuna’s hand as his own personal stress ball. He ends up opting for a _real_ stress ball that was earlier provided to him by one of the nurses, but somehow it had felt much more satisfying to transfer his pain to a source that could actually _react_ to it. 

Which brings him to his current predicament. 

“Sweetie, you’re going to have to push sooner or later,” Setsuna tuts and pushes back Nagisa’s hair from sticking to his sweaty forehead, repositioning the bobby pins that refuse to hold, what with the amount of squirming he’s been doing. 

“I _know_ ,” Nagisa grits through his teeth, toes curling into the edge of the mattress and body shaking every time pressure gathers down at his lower abdomen. Even with the _alleged_ pain relieving drugs pumping through his system via IV every so often, Nagisa swears he can _still_ feel every stab, every squeeze, and every press that wracks through his lower half. 

And really, it’s not that he feels like he _has_ to push right now. More like, it’s looming incredibly close, especially with the way pressure gathers insufferably between his legs with every passing contraction, which are getting to be so close that it’s hard to distinguish the end of one from the being of another. 

“I need to— _god,_ I just need to get up, this is seriously the— _the worst thing ever_ —“ 

“Yeah, sucks doesn’t it?” Setsuna laughs in that light and airy way that Nagisa would find infectious at literally _any_ other time. 

Setsuna helps Nagisa peel himself from the bed, offering her arm for support. Nagisa has to take a breather and sits on the edge of the bed for a moment before letting himself be helped up.   

They pace slowly around the room for a minute or two, which, if anything else, takes some of the tension out of his aching joints. He migrates over to one of the walls and rests his arms against it, positioning his head on top of them to stretch out his back. Setsuna sets to rubbing at his shoulders reassuringly. 

“That any better?” 

“A little bit. I just—“ Nagisa sniffs into his arms, suddenly feeling overwhelmed with both intense pain _and_ emotion. 

“You just what, honey?” 

“I just wish _Rei_ were here so I could—“ 

“ _Oh,_ Nagisa, I know. Hopefully he’ll get here soon—“ 

“So I could _punch his stupid face_!” Nagisa wails into his arms. He can hear Setsuna’s tinkling laughter in the background again. 

“I’m _serious_!” Nagisa insists, crying impossibly harder. 

“Oh _believe_ me, I know. You have my permission,” Setsuna smiles, patting him on the back. 

“Okay, _good_. Cause I—,” the rest of whatever Nagisa was intending to say gets stuck in his throat as he feels the distinct sensation of something drop, followed by the most intense pressure he has ever felt in his entire life. 

“Nagisa…?” 

“I think… I need to push,” Nagisa says, feeling strangely detached from the moment, even as he vaguely feels his knees begin to buckle. 

“ _Oh_.” 

Setsuna sets to guiding him back to the bed, and Nagisa feels like he’s having an out-of-body experience. Is this _seriously_ happening? Nagisa can’t quite grasp the reality of the moment and it’s making him progressively dizzy. 

“I’m grabbing a nurse, okay, baby? _Breathe_ and _do not_ push yet. I know it’ll feel like you want to, but hold tight so I can get someone to make sure you’re ready.” 

Nagisa nods frantically, chest heaving with every strained breath he attempts to gulp down. 

“You were never gonna wait, were you?” Nagisa sighs down shakily at his belly, thinking amusedly that if anything else, his baby girl is _definitely_ going to be headstrong, just like her dads. 

Nagisa manages to get through maybe thirty seconds of controlled breathing before the pressure below gets so brutal, it forces a hearty shriek out of his lungs. 

A few nurses with surgical masks pour into the room not a second later, and Nagisa seriously thinks he’s hallucinating from the pain when Setsuna walks in, looking deceptively masculine and decked in inexplicably bright red glasses. 

“ _Oh, thank God, Nagisa-kun_.” 

 _Oh_. 

“I’m not hallucinating?” Nagisa slurs, eyes trained on he Rei-like figure approaching his side, even as the nurses take the liberty to tug his body towards the end of the bed and force his legs apart. 

“ _No_ ,” Rei breathes what must be the biggest sigh of relief of his life, before he slips his hand comfortably into Nagisa’s own clammier one. 

“Good,” is all Nagisa can manage to croak out before he’s displacing the pressure he’s currently feeling into Rei’s own palm. 

The soft smile formerly perched on Rei’s lips cracks in a way _so_ satisfying, that Nagisa can’t help but squeeze harder. 

“ _Wow_ , you’ve got a good grip on you,” Rei tries to joke good-naturedly, but it really just comes out as a pained whimper. 

“Mmmhmm. G-Get used to it.” 

“D-duly noted.” 

“Excuse me, boys.” 

Both Nagisa and Rei’s attention snap to the nurse positioned in between Nagisa’s legs. 

“I know this must be a very happy reunion for the both of you, but Hazuki-kun, we need you to start pushing at the next contraction. The baby’s head is already crowning.” 

“Wh- _what_? How is that even possible? He hasn’t even pushed once yet!” 

“The baby’s head must have dropped on its own. It can happen with physical activity. Walking, squatting,” the nurse rattles on. 

“Where’s the doctor?” Nagisa groans as he’s struck by the next contraction. 

“No time. This is it. Nice, big push,” the nurse coaxes. 

Nagisa spares a fearful glance over to Rei, who looks just as lost as Nagisa feels. Rei gulps obviously, before straightening up and giving Nagisa a determined nod. 

“I’ve got you.” 

Rei squeezes his hand, and offers a shaky smile. Nagisa tries to return the gesture, but it tapers off into a whine instead. 

“Hazuki-kun—“ 

Before the nurse can scold him for the delay, Nagisa is expelling every ounce of energy he has left, shouting all the while. 

They repeat the process four or five times before Nagisa feels so completely spent, he collapses into the mattress, and seriously feels like he’ll never be able to move again. 

The nurses all reassure him that one more big push with the next contraction is all he’ll need, but Nagisa’s starting to really doubt that, after spending the past ten minutes being told with every push, it will surely be the last one. 

“I can’t do this anymore, Rei-chan. It _hurts_ ,” Nagisa cries, burying the side of his face into his pillow, and causing his hair to fall into his eyes again. 

Rei takes his un-preoccupied hand to Nagisa’s forehead, brushing the locks away with a thumb. 

“You _can._ Just one more, okay? I promise.” 

“… y-you can’t just _promise_ something like that,” Nagisa gasps, exasperated. “You know I’m gonna k- _kill_ you if it’s not, right?” 

Rei laughs light-heartedly and it makes Nagisa’s heart swell impossibly, even underneath all of the pain and exhaustion. 

“I’ll take that risk,” Rei leans down to whisper against his hairline before pressing a soft kiss to his temple. 

The next contraction hits, and with it, so much pressure and so much _burning_ that Nagisa _knows_ that one more will be all he has _left_ in him. He sucks in a deep breath and looks to Rei one last time. 

“Make it a good one. I know you can do it,” Rei maintains his smile, even as Nagisa proceeds to squeeze the ever-loving _life_ out of his hand, so hard that _Nagisa_ can feel the bones crackle. 

Nagisa pushes so hard that his thighs shake, his chest heaves, and his head thrashes against the pillows, sobs wracking from his throat all the while – and all of it culminates into an _incredible_ pressure that’s over as soon as it had begun. 

Nagisa feels boneless, _lifeless_ as he collapses into the mattress with finality. 

“You did it! You did it, Nagisa-kun!” Rei’s tearful cries resound in his ears as black dots cloud over his vision. 

An ear-splitting wail resonates throughout the room and the nurses express their praises (“Congratulations!” “You did so well, Hazuki-kun!”), and then the nurse who delivered him is carefully placing a crying, squirming, pink little thing onto his chest. 

“She’s so beautiful, Nagisa,” Rei sniffs loudly beside him. 

Nagisa has enough strength left in him for his lips to curl into a soft smile and for his arms to briefly reach out to cradle his newborn; _his baby girl_ , who’s finally, _finally_ made it out into the world after the longest, craziest months he has ever experienced.

Nagisa stays conscious just long enough to think that things are about to get a whole lot crazier – but, as he stares down fondly at the tiny, crying infant in his arms, his heart feels fuller than he’d ever thought possible. _This_ , Nagisa thinks, is true love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> told you guys i'd get this up eventually and y'all didn't believe me jeeeez
> 
> hentai-horseface.tumblr.com 
> 
> NOW come yell at me


	12. The best is yet to come

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Rei-chan! Poopy diaper alert – you’re on duty!” Nagisa chirps, plopping one poopy-diaper filled baby on top of Rei’s biochemistry homework.
> 
> “Nagisa…” Rei sighs and rubs his temples briefly, but nonetheless promptly scoops up the offending infant before any leakage can slip past her diaper and onto his materials; after the last time Rei got baby poop all over his homework, Nagisa has found this tactic to be the number one most effective way to persuade Rei into changing a poopy diaper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's your long-awaited epilogue, my friends~

_10 months later_

“Rei-chan! Poopy diaper alert – you’re on duty!” Nagisa chirps, plopping one poopy-diaper filled baby on top of Rei’s biochemistry homework.

“ _Nagisa_ …” Rei sighs and rubs his temples briefly, but nonetheless promptly scoops up the offending infant before any leakage can slip past her diaper and onto his materials; after the last time Rei got baby poop all over his homework, Nagisa has found this tactic to be the number one most effective way to persuade Rei into changing a poopy diaper.

“Ami, you have got to stop pooping so much when I’ve got exams coming up…” Rei sighs again, but a smile tugs onto his lips when Ami just gurgles happily and slaps her hands on his cheeks in response.

“It’s not her fault she got your _perfectly regularly digestion patterns_ ,” Nagisa takes on his best Rei-impression. “That was _all_ your side of the family.”

“I still stand by that. It’s not a bad thing, just somewhat frustrating when she’s pooping every hour on the hour when I’ve got finals coming up…” Rei mumbles neutrally as he sets Ami on the living room floor and pulls out their box of diaper supplies from a cabinet along the wall.

Nagisa hums in response as he settles onto the couch to observe. He smiles a bit as he watches Rei change Ami with practiced expertise; it’s funny to remember how utterly horrified Rei was the first time his mom had taught him how to change their daughter’s diaper. ‘ _How can something this tiny produce so much excrement_?’ Rei had said, grey-faced. But now, a soft smile on his face, Rei expertly manages to wipe away every bit of poop just before Ami can swoop her chubby little baby hands into it.

“Not this time, little lady,” Rei chides and blows a raspberry to Ami’s belly, eliciting a little squeal of her favorite (and only) new word, “Da da da da da _da_!”

Nagisa smiles softly and covers a giggle with his hand. These are definitely the moments he cherishes. While they’ve pretty much got their routine down pat by now, it doesn’t leave much time for family bonding; Rei has classes from 7:30 to 3:30 every weekday while Nagisa takes care of Ami, and they trade off so Nagisa can work second shift from 4:30 to midnight at a family restaurant down the block. It’s not an ideal situation, but it works for them. Nagisa’s already worked his way up to shift supervisor, and Rei’s on the fast track to landing a paid summer internship at Tokyo University’s partner hospital. Nagisa considers them incredibly lucky to get the financial support they do from Rei’s family, but he and Rei are still determined to create their own stable income for their little family unit. When Nagisa decided to make the move to Tokyo with Ami six months ago to put their little, dysfunctional family together, he’d had never expected in a million years for their arrangement to work out half as well as it ended up working. They’re both tired all the time, sure, but they’re functioning and on their feet and they’ve got a healthy, happy, baby to show for it.

Nagisa yawns, the exhaustion of the previous week following him into the weekend; being a parent is a twenty-four hour-a-day job and then some, he’d quickly learned. They’re at least fortunate enough to have Haru and Makoto living close enough by to relieve them of that stress for a days a month, even if it’s just so Nagisa can run errands or Rei can finish an important assignment in peace.

“Watch out, Rei-chan, you know she spit-up in my hair the last time I tried that…” Nagisa yawns, stretching out to lie on the couch.

Rei scoffs as he wraps their daughter up into a fresh, new diaper. “Right. And I _distinctly_ remember that happening not thirty minutes after the first time we’d ever given her solid food. Isn’t that right, princess?” Rei coos and presses a soft kiss to her tiny nose, eliciting more giggles that abruptly turns into a sad, little (foreboding) whine.

Rei quickly scoops Ami back up and airplanes her over to where Nagisa’s reclining. “Mayday, captain, prepare for landing. There’s gonna be a bit of turbulence…”

Nagisa laughs as Rei swoops Ami down onto his chest, wiggling her around little bit. It seems to quell the impending cry for a couple seconds on pure distraction alone, but as soon as she lands fully onto Nagisa, the crocodile tears make a dramatic appearance.

“Gee, thanks, Rei, I got it,” Nagisa rolls his eyes and scoots up into a half-sitting position so he can bounce Ami a bit on his knee.

Rei smiles down, guilt painted across his lips. “You know I’ve got to study for my exams if we want me to qualify for this internship…”

“I know, _duh_ ,” Nagisa replies while puffing out his cheeks in a silly face at Ami. When a giggle cracks through the cries, he considers it a small victory and continues at Rei, “but just… sit down for a sec. Take a break with us, yeah? I think this is the first time we’ve all been in the same room for more than five minutes in over a month…”

Rei chews at his top lip in brief thought. “I guess you’re right… but that’s mostly because you’ve really been overworking yourself taking all of those weekend shifts, lately,” Rei scolds lightly before sitting down next to Nagisa’s feet.

“I mean, _someone’s_ gotta be the breadwinner in this family while Dr. Ryugazaki works on his fancy baby doctor degree. ‘Cause one sweet little babe apparently isn’t enough for him, right, Ami-chan? Daddy’s just _too_ greedy, huh?” Nagisa pouts at his daughter and her cries quiet down to stare in confusion at his babbling instead, round magenta eyes blinking comically. He presses a sloppy kiss on her forehead for cooperating, which results in a contented little whine.

“Well, sure, but you _need_ to take a break sometimes, Nagisa—“

“Come on, Rei. It’s not like you’re getting any breaks either, so don’t make it sound like _I’m_ the only one overworking myself here.”

Rei sits quietly for a moment and pulls down Ami’s ridden-up shirt as Nagisa repositions her against his chest.

“I know. It’s just…”

“Ami’s a tough boss, Rei. Breaks aren’t a part of our contract, are they, Ami-chan?” Nagisa asks his daughter very seriously. She counters by mimicking Nagisa’s serious expression along with a slew of baby babble. “See? You heard it straight from the woman herself!”

Rei smiles softly at them, eyes misting over in a way that makes Nagisa sort of self-conscious and sweaty.

“What’s _that_ look for?” Nagisa wrinkles his nose up, briefly registering Ami mimic the action out of the corner of his eye.

“Just, these moments are…” Rei starts, backtracks, and then apparently reconsiders, “Sorry. I just. I love Ami _so_ much. And I really love you, too, Nagisa,” Rei smiles, throwing his hands up in a vaguely defeated gesture. 

Nagisa automatically groans in response, burying his nose in Ami’s soft yellow curls that match his own.

“ _Rei_ -chan, we’ve talked about this… _no_ L-word, you _know_ we can’t…”

Rei laughs softly and Nagisa peeks out from behind Ami’s head. Rei’s got that same, sappy look in his eyes and it _still_ manages to make Nagisa’s cheeks heat up.

“You _know_ I know that. What we’re doing right now… it _works_. Things are still busy and confusing and working on _our_ relationship would definitely have the potential to complicate things unnecessarily… we’ve been through this and I completely agree. And obviously, this little one will _always_ be at the top of my top priority list,” Rei pauses briefly to poke Ami in the belly button. She shrieks and grabs at Rei’s finger, her mighty baby strength pulling him in and forcing him to scoot in a bit closer, unless he wants to dive face-first into Nagisa’s chest.

“ _But_ ,” Rei continues, face now just a few inches away from Nagisa’s. “Whenever you feel ready to... to try this out again… I’m here. And I’m _more_ than ready to make up for the stupid, selfish mistakes I made last year.”

Nagisa’s throat constricts at the terrifying sincerity etched into Rei’s features and voice. He feels Ami tense up too, clearly already perceptive enough even at 10-month-old to read the atmosphere so accurately (and of _course_ she is, she’s half of Rei, after all).

Nagisa hikes Ami up a bit and shields her face into his neck, hesitating briefly before leaning forward to press a soft, tentative kiss to Rei’s lips. Rei presses back for a short, sweet moment, smiling a bit against Nagisa’s lips. Rei pulls back first and rests his forehead against Nagisa’s.

“You know where I’ll be,” Rei’s eyes twinkle hopefully and he smoothes a hand along the side of Nagisa’s head, thumb brushing tenderly against his temple as he presses one last, lingering kiss to Nagisa’s forehead.

Rei physically shakes himself of the fragile atmosphere as he pulls back to stand up and return to his desk in the corner of the room.

“I’ll just be here studying until my brains leak out my ears,” Rei adds in a sing-song-y lilt and offers Nagisa one, last soft smile before returning back to his mountain of textbooks and research.

Nagisa shakes himself out of the moment as well, trilling his lips a bit. Ami tries to mimic him, but what comes out instead is more like a “bu-bu-bu-bu” sound that effectively pulls Nagisa out of the nostalgic air of his and Rei’s past and back into present-day baby-land.

He lets out a fond laugh before hauling both him and Ami off the couch and twirling her around a few times. She giggles delightedly as Nagisa sets her down on the floor and takes both of her hands. 

“ _Al_ -righty, well I guess we’ll go to the park or something then. I’ll grab you some lunch on our way back?” Nagisa asks, leading a teetering Ami slowly over to the coat closet on the other side of their tiny apartment.

“That’d be great. Thanks, Nagisa. See you later, sweet-pea!” Rei turns around to blow an exaggerated kiss at Ami. Ami squeels and ‘catches’ it in her hand. Nagisa’s honestly still sort of blown away that she was able to retain that gesture so well. Despite her overwhelming resemblance to Nagisa, he’s _certain_ she’s got Rei’s brains.

It’s the perfect combination, much like their little dysfunctional family, Nagisa muses as he and Ami toddle out the door, hand-in-hand. Rei was right; what they’re doing right now _absolutely_ works. He and Rei have always made a good team.

And they’re an even _better_ one with their latest addition, Nagisa thinks.

 

*

 

And if it takes them four very patient and very taxing years of work, school, and child-rearing to finally pick up where they left off all of those years before the addition of their new, perfect team member, that’s okay.

Even if it took awhile to get there, at least now when Nagisa wakes up every morning, he knows his favorite team will be there beside him to love and support him, the same way he does for them; tomorrow, and the next day, and each and every day after.

 

_end_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took me over a year, but I finally finished this beast. Told you I'd do it. ;) 
> 
> Thanks for sticking with me, guys. I really appreciate it.


End file.
